What, if any, are the ethics of love? Or is it true that all is fair in love (and war)?
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Probably depends on the cultural background of the person answering. I imagine a Hindu answering very differently from an American, where individuality is so much more sacred than society at large.
MJF6922
Level 5
May 23, 2018
1
Just like many things, it depends on context. The anything goes for ME attitude will screw everything up, but so will consistent enabling.
Anything goes as long as both are essentially content with what's going on, that takes a ton of mature communication which also requires a lot of self awareness and that means some harsh self-reflection and recognizing you're not the person you want to be...yet. For me anyway.
My parents both came from shitty homes, been married 53 years. Marriage isn't 50-50, it's 100-100. Some years, or even decades, one person needed more than the other. After 50 years one can have a rough day and the other will say or do something completely random but they know it'll make their lover smile. I've seen my mom and dad be complete jerks to the other, but mostly they want the relationship to work for both of them and so it has worked for them for 53 years.
lol, probably TMI for some, but their relationship inspires me
educatedredneck
Level 7
May 23, 2018
1
You maintain that relationships have up and downs and can get better over time.
@ArturoS well for some yeah, but others nope. You have to take the good with the bad, but some people are mostly negative forever. I am divorced after all...
I guess it’s true if relationships are a battle to be ‘won’. Been there, done that: it’s called narcissistic personality disorder. He won every time. Now ‘winning’ all alone!
CarolinaGirl60
Level 8
May 23, 2018
2
It's love! It's love! It's love! You maintain that relationships aren't battlefields. Victory is not the goal.
@ArturoS That would be super...but for some people, winning IS the goal. The relationship—and all else—IS a battlefield. I’ve been there, it’s not pretty.
The truck is identifying those people BEFORE getting too involved.
I don't think a fair war has ever been won. and an unfair relationship has ever lasted.
SeeCanU
Level 7
May 22, 2018
3
That's a pretty broad claim. Usually people leave themselves some room to claim "that's the exception that proves the rule!" Let's leave the matter here for now.
What a strange question.
In relationships it is essential to be honest, kind, respectful, giving and caring.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
May 22, 2018
7
I agree. And let me add this: Neither in love, nor in war, nor in any human activity it is valid that apothegm. To say that ALL is fair in any human activity is to open the door to ALL kind of abuses, crimes, felonies and injustices.
@COGITOERGOSUM, Agreed. Thank you.
I would add "trusting" to that.
@COGITOERGOSUM The post was in the form of a rhetorical question, and the replies reflect that it's been read as such.
Well it's a subjective question so if you have no personal ethics or values and can live with yourself after trampling over the feelings of others in the pursuit of your own gratification; I guess you would see it as all being fair. I have my own opinions but everyone has to find their own boundaries (or none).
MsDemeanour
Level 8
May 22, 2018
2
To each their own: the cat-like person comes and goes like a cool shadow. The dog-like person accompanies you to the door and eyes the leash longingly every time you leave.
Now that I think about it they are both about the most unfair things I can think of...
MsAl
Level 8
May 22, 2018
2
@LetzGetReal I agree with your remarks about love. But war is not ALWAYS purely savage. Sometimes, it is the lesser of two evils, and, again, sometimes, it is better to wage war than to remain passive and letting the worse gays conquering the world.
MsAl:
@LetzGetReal I don't think love has been unfair to me, but still it seems to upend and hurt more people than almost anything. Im thinkong of the noce hard working reliable giys that don't get the girl because she goes for the bad boy that ends up cheating or abusing her anyway, the housewife who spends her whole life backing her husband and being faithful only to figure out he was cheating the whole time, all the relatipnships where one person loves the other more and is not appreciated. People who give up so much and work so hard for years of their lives being with someone only to have that person not love them anymore. People seem to want to say that love is unconditional and shouldn't be a competition to be won but the reality of it seems more complicated and sometimes very sad and yes, unfair. Love is an unpredictable emotion that is often hard for us to control. The norms of fairness and logic don't always apply when love is involved.
@COGITOERGOSUM My good friend, I'm sure you meant to state that was sometimes may be necessary to prevent worse "guys" from conquering the world. I join you in saying that anyone bent on conquering the world and on the verge of achieving it would be a very bad person indeed, whether guy or gay.
MsAl:
@COGITOERGOSUM I agree that war is sometimes the lesser of the evils. It is very unfair though because, at least in modern wars, it seems like the ones fighting and dying are not the ones benefiting. Also the ones that suffer most are often the civilians who are already the victims of whatever government the war is being fought against.
@MsAl Ha, ha, ha. It was a typo. Thanks for the correction!
But I want to underline my point: There are bad guys and even worse guys. And a war to stop the worse guys would not be "purely savage".
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