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What are some things that turn you off on a first date that make you determine there won't be another date? For me, it's when men bash their ex over and over. Usually, if you listen carefully, they will tell you (inadvertently) why they can't keep a normal relationship. Another thing is when they insist on a kiss. I reply that I don't kiss strangers, but I will shake hands.

DarwinistOne 7 May 28
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26 comments

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9

Often for me it’s conversation. If he only talks about himself and either doesn’t let me get a word in edgewise nor care to learn anything about me. Almost as bad is a guy with zero social skills. Like I have to keep asking questions in order to keep the conversation going and he gives the bare minimal answer.

Poor table manners is another big one for me.

@Stevil precisely! Lol

8

When it turns out they're married.

7

I've been on some really lousy dates. flashing your dick at me is not going to win any points. Yes I have to have that happen to me twice.

That happened to me years ago by a famous football player whom I went on a blind date with. All I'll say is he was with the San Francisco 49ers. We were sitting in the car talking (not making out) and I looked down, and there IT was! Why would he think this would turn me on...is he completely out of ideas at this point?

@DarwinistOne I guess so gosh! For all you men reading this, does this work on occasion? Lol!

6

When they are constantly complaining about something or making fun of people's physical appearance, say anything positive about T-rump or talk only about themselves.

6

Opening the closet and dragging out the bones of ex-husbands/boyfriends is sometimes tedious, but often single people have no one to vent to, so this is not a disqualification.

Going on endlessly about their job, boss, co-workers, et al, is a common trait. Sometimes boring; sometimes entertaining. Not a deal breaker.

Enthusiastically stating their love for Donald Trump..."Check, please!"

5

Unfinished business. Either ongoing battles with the ex, or their family, or problem children.

5

Unprovoked meanness toward anyone, be it the unforgettable ex, the waiter, etc... Animals included.

Zster Level 8 May 28, 2018

especially to animals, children, seniors and people with disabilities

5

This is going to sound incredibly shallow (because it is) but I once decided against a man because he called the restroom the "little boys room". Twice. Cutesy is a major turn-off for me.

4

Yep, ex-bashing = not ok. Women-bashing in general, not ok. I've had some guys do that on a first date, thinking I'd agree. They'd tell me some story of a woman friend who did or said something they didn't like and finish their story with "what a bitch, right?", thinking I'd commiserate with them. ...Uh, dude, no. You're bashing women in front of a woman? Not the smartest thing to do.

Also checking their smartphone or watch? Yeah, that's an obvious clue. Or taking a call or texting in the middle of the date. Not ok. You're there to meet ME, not to talk to or text your buddies on the phone. The only time this was ever ok with me is when I went on a date with a guy who was a social worker for troubled boys in group homes. It was hard to plan a date with him because his schedule was so busy, so when we finally got together, it was on a weekend when he happened to be on call for work, so if they called, he'd have to take it. He explained what was going on before the date, so I was understanding about it. He didn't get called, thankfully, but a couple of weeks later on our third or fourth date, he was on call again and happened to get a work call. Fortunately, it could be handled over the phone. I was glad he was open with me about it, though. If he was taking calls from friends during the date, I would have been much less understanding.

Also wanted to add - rudeness to waitstaff and service people. If you're an asshole to the server or barrista getting your coffee, then you're probably an asshole in general. I've been on a couple of first dates where the guy was just a complete jerk to serving staff for no reason. I quickly cut those dates short and didn't see the guy again.

4

No matter how good she looks with my car she can't say "Who's Pink Floyd".

4

I give people a chance even after a first bad date with poor conversation, because I'm far from perfect and make mistakes too. The same way you would treat a friend. 2d date is more important to me. I pay attention to behavior/actions more than words.

Elie Level 3 May 28, 2018
4

Tobacco smoking. Open-mouthed chewing unless she has a terrible cold. Veganism.

3

I think any kind of dogmaticism will usually do it for me. I really like meeting people who have strong opinions about things, but I also appreciate it when they understand that their beliefs don't have to be my beliefs.

3

It's been so long since I've had a first date that I don't know. Ideally, I'd like to know something about the person and vice-versa before the first date.

3

She's taking phone calls as you are eating,and when asked,says's they are important,but the over heard conversations are all gossip.

The way you started that I thought you were leading up to the joke that she was taking phone calls during sex and then MAKING phone calls during sex 🙂

I dated a man for a few months who insisted on talking on the phone when we went out to dinner. I explained to him that I felt like it was rude and it could wait unless it was an emergency or a fabulous business deal that couldn't wait, however, he continued this habit and never understood why we broke up. This wasn't the only reason, just one of many.

@NotAndrew Probably happened that way somewhere......

2

Being unkind to wait staff. Bragging. Negativity. Mansplaining.

2
  1. Posted old photos. Far older, shorter or heavier than advertised.

  2. Poor hygiene, lousy teeth or breath that fells a moose at 20 paces.

  3. Monopolizes the conversation. Jabbers in excruciating detail about fishing, hunting or golf. I barely got to the door with my eyes glazed over.

  4. Shy, quiet or socially awkward. "BOR-ing!" to quote my daughter.

  5. Expects sex on the first date.

  6. Moans about his sad life. Complains about his ex-wife. Nobody wants to date a negative person.

  7. No visible sense of humor. It's boring to provide all of the jokes and humor.

2

If the man calls himself a "nice guy", that is a red flag and he is probably a douche. If we're out at a business like a restaurant or even the movies and he treats the employees like crap, I'm out. If he insists on being physical even after I've told him that's not what I want. If he makes big negative assumptions about certain groups of people and doesn't accept the truth when told he is wrong. If he insists on me being part of a religious organization. If he lets his family and/or friends disrespect me without a good reason, especially to my face. If he tries to eliminate my independence as a person or make me subservient to him.

2

Wow you all sure have an epic list of bad stuff. I guess I'm surprised that people can go out to dinner once and make a yay or nay decision about someone. We don't all make great first impressions, but it doesn't mean we are horrible people. I tend to be shy around someone new and either will clam up or go total motor mouth if they are monosyllabic. I had a women tell me n a first date that she just wasn't feeling it sexually... I thought.. Jeezz I don't even know you. For me that decision is not first date stuff. I guess I'm old school old

2

Many things are already mentioned, I'll add one I haven't seen in the posts, and it's critical if I am going to choose to spend more than friend-time with someone. It is not always easy to pick up on the first date:

-They seek the right answer, rather than seeking to be right. This is a rare and wonderful mindset. Find it and your relationship can be off-the-charts good.

2

I'm a foodie, so dining is important to me and if we're gonna be together there will be a lot of it. I'm mindful of table manners and eating habits. I'm turned off by:
. not putting napkin on lap
. not cutting food with a knife but smashing it with the edge of a fork
. eating twice as fast as me

2

If she starts talking about all of her medical conditions then I may not be available for a second date. I once was chatting with a woman who was a academic and I referred to her as a 'brainiac' and she got all bent out of shape and told me hat I couldn't use that word when relating to her so she never heard from me again.

2

Bashing X's , bragging about money or stuff, bad manners, being rude to anyone. Being to ridged, not being able to flow with the evening

2

Widows who mention their "husband" 10 times in 20 minutes. They married the best guy in the world and you can't replace him. Recently I pointed out the problem to a date and she said, "Well how can I tell you I work at my husband's optometry store if I don't mention him?" How about just saying you work at an optometry store? 🙂

lerlo Level 8 May 28, 2018
1

Listen closely to what they say about others . I find that what people complain about in others , if unsubstanciated , are most often their own worst traits .

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