Agnostic.com

43 10

My daughters grandparents gave her a wooden cross blessed by a bishop. She's 6. They did not ask me if she could have it. I didn't make a big deal about it when she first showed me. She hung it on the corner of her bookcase and hasn't paid much mind to it since (I don't think). Should I just let it go? Should I take it and not say anything? I'm going to have to say something to her grandparents.. any suggestions??

  • 62 votes
  • 16 votes
Jainasolo 5 June 3
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

43 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

19

If you're concerned about your daughter being indoctrinated based on gifts from her grandparents, I don't think it's cause for alarm. Children are influenced based on things that are reinforced on a daily basis. In this case, not drawing any attention to it gives it no meaning. I understand your reaction completely. Just remember your daughter doesn't have a real understanding of religion, like we do, that would make this cross significant in any way. In her mind, her dolls have more magic.

As far as discussing it with her grandparents, here are two suggestions.

First (maybe) an expression of gratitude, acknowledging they had only the best intentions. Then, that you'd like to teach your daughter to be a good and moral person and let her make her own decisions about religion when she's older.

Or, as you suggested, you can just let it go, viewing these gifts just as you would if they came from Santa Claus. Many children are taught to believe in Santa for years. Even with all that reinforcement, they quickly shift to disbelief. As long as your consistent messaging doesn't include religious belief, it's highly unlikely your daughter's grandparents will have any lasting influence.

13

Since there is no god, being blessed by a bishop is meaningless. It’s a wooden lower cased “t”. Get more wooden letters and make it a word. Lol

9

If we teach children about all religions and their origins, the good, the bad, and the ugly and encourage critical thinking, then we will be giving our children the power of knowledge.

If you believe her grandparents gave her the gift from a loving heart then you have an opportunity to use it as a teaching moment. The gift can then be transformed into a keepsake (memory of grandparents) instead of a religious artifact.

Betty Level 8 June 4, 2018
8

My mom never pushed any religion on me, but she also didn’t hide it from me either. You should give your child the tools to make there own decisions on what works for them in life.

7

Give her a small mosque craft, give her a small temple craft, give her a symbol of shiva, give her a pagan star craft, give her a small Achilles's heal, give her an afroditi doll, give her an astro craft, then tell her to put them in the same box and play with them, and read and understand all of them when she grow up. And take a picture of that box and send to her grandparents, may be. Haha.

7

My inlaws were super religious. My ex husband just couldn't talk to them about anything important. I expressed my views to them so everything was clear to them.
Then I let my kids go. After all they were my kids grandparents and they loved my kids. They took them to church and gave them bibles. Of course my kids would come home and tell me what they heard and wanting to know if it was true. I would then tell them what I thought without bashing religion or the inlaws. My kids are now 13 and 15 and atheist.
You can't force your non belief on your kids if we do we are no better that the religion that most of us had forced on us. They have to figure it out for themselves. Of course you have the most influence on her so speak frankly but fairly and she will figure it out herself

Nicely put and children should never be underestimated

@BigBoMclain thanks big Bo. Sorry for the loss of your wife. I'm sure that's not easy. Glad your kids figured it out

@BigBoMclain not at all. Sounds like an amazing love story. ?

6

Leave it. All she sees is a gift from her grandparents. You might ask her what she thinks about it. It's possible they gave her an explanation and you might want to counter with your own view point

6

Your kid, your rules. They don't get to ignore them.

5

I would say leave it. It's not hurting anyone. While it is your child, she has free will to believe what she wants to believe.

5

I assume that the grandparents know of your beliefs (or better said lack of). It's not fair that they are trying to usurp your authority as a parent. But at this point the deed is done, the only logical option you have is to talk to you daughter about what your feeling are on the subject and what her grandparents beliefs are. Chances are she only sees it as a gift that her grandparents gave her and is keeping it because she loves them. If you just throw it out it could have some serious negative effects. Kids are usually smarter than people give them credit for, give her all the facts and let her make up her own mind about what to do. I'm sure she will make you proud.
As for the grandparents you should have a polite yet firm conversation about what they are doing. You are your child's parent not them, they don't have to agree with every decision you make, but they should respect your wishes.

5

If you refuse to let your daughter have it, she may resent you & feel drawn to investigate further, as she will see it more as a physical reminder of the connection with her grandparents.

If you calmly explain the beliefs associated with it, while projecting little value for it as a religious talisman, she may keep it for a while. She may lose it. She may value it simply because she likes her grandparents.

But I could be wrong. This is how I would react, if I was in your daughter's shoes. In my opinion, the best thing to do is explain to her that her grandparents feel compelled to make her believe as they do. Express your disagreement with those beliefs, but support you daughter's right to make up her own mind.

Having been raised in a very religious household, I feel that being indoctrinated was a violation of my human rights (or it should be classed as such). But refusing to let her have a religious talisman, because of your beliefs, is no less a violation than indoctrination. Your daughter must live her life as she sees fit. All you can do is teach her to think, how to evaluate right & wrong, to value history.

Which is easier said than done, no doubt!

5

Teach her about different religions around the world and let her discover her own "truth", I'm sure in the end she'll be an atheist.

4

Keep it but tell the kid it does have a magical power in that it might come in handy some day to use as kindling to start a fire to warm the room.

also good to hammer ants

4

gift them an atheist medallion without saying anything.

This made me chuckle. 🙂

4

Leave it and hang the periodic table to the left of it and a picture of Einstein to the right.... if you have room on the walk for a poster showing evolution that wouldn’t hurt either ... once it’s all on the wall sing the Sesame Street song together ... one of these things is not like the other🙂

Ah but don’t forget that as Enstein was much older he “ rediscovered “ his Jewish roots however he never could complete the process G-D was in the way

4

In my opinion the best defense to these kinds of things is open communication and education. I think by prohibiting this openly, or otherwise, you give the impression that your views are not well founded.

4

Talk to her honestly about your opinions. Let her follow her own heart.

4

Would they be happy with a Muslim symbol?

That's disgusting indoctrination.

4

I'd tend to hang it upside down somewhere prominent in the house but that's just me. To be honest with my kids I have always given then the option to make their own decisions about these things. At 6 she might just love it because it's from her grandparents and while the bishop thing is upsetting to you it means a lot to them and I'm sure nothing to her. Let her play with it for a while. She will soon get bored with it and move onto something else.

3

At 6 I'd take it and talk to grandparents.

3

You could tell her that for them it is a symbol of belief but that for you it is just a wooden ornament, and let her make her own mind up about what it means.

3

By making a thing out of it, you will reinforce its significance, as well as create future strife with your family. By ignoring it, and answering your daughters questions honestly and with a minimum of contempt when she asks (and she will) you will avoid a ugly outcome and still achieve the desired result.

3

You could explain to her that some people believe silly things but they mean well. No point in hurting anybody's feelings. I think it would depend if the grandparents were your parents or your in-laws as to how to deal with them.

2

I let my children to determine whether they believe in God or not. After all, they go to college and graduate school and develop their own judgment about this thing.

2

This is great! Tell her some people think it has magic. Then, you can take it down and try to do magic with it. You can explain how its keeping all the vampires away too, as demonstrated by the lack of vampires in your house.

My 7 year old daughter is at the point where she rolls her eyes at any reference to god/jesus.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:98613
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.