Has any one ever had to deal with the realization that one of your parents is an alcoholic in your adult life? I feel i was always aware of the drinking habit, but its wisconsin, whatever.
Just recently it became clear my mother has a problem and i feel the need to tell her what this really means to me
She already rejected my notion to sit down and talk.
I love her so much, but its really messing me up and i would lovve some perspective and or advice
I can see how that must be, considering the situation. Alcoholism is a very real and concerning thing in america and if you do love her and she loves you the same, talking to her whether she likes it or not, can really be helpful. I've been in the same situation as you, so i can sorta understand where you're coming from. Even though she might have rejected wanting to talk, that very well could be a sign that she actually does want to talk or that she wants help. Some people just find it to talk because they are afraid. i hope everything works out for you
That’s a rough conversation to have anywhere but it’s one that should happen across the board here in our home state.
You could try to spring it on her intervention style, but there is a chance that the rest of your family and/or friends don’t see the problem and won’t help.
Otherwise the best thing you can do is not own her issue. It’s her life, she can do what she wants. Don’t let it eat you up but casually keep an eye on it so that if she ever has a complication from it (like passing out unexpectedly while doing something, falling) you can call an ambulance. Hospitals can provide resources for folks with alcoholism and have the conversation without fear of alienation.
Please know there is evidence that alcoholism is a hereditary disease. So you must be vigilant against this also happening to you. I have provided a link to this evidence for your convenience. I have also provided a link to the National Helpline for substance abuse and mental health. Your mother is going to need professional help in overcoming this disease. Good luck and feel free to reach out to me if you need future advice. I have been a helpless spectator watching someone I loved ruin their life through alcoholism. The good news is long term sobriety can be found in your mother's future.
I have tried to support an alcoholic for many years. A woman of formidable intelligence, I have watched her health deteriorate, watched her destroy a highly successful professional career, escape death more than once from alcohol related internal bleeding and by mere moments, yet still, when almost everything is lost, she will buy cigarettes and booze before food. The personality, along with reason, is lost in the last and next drink. I conclude that there is no external solution: Sobriety must come from inside, born of will, or will not come at all. Alcoholism may have causation, some trigger or anxiety on which it builds, but once established it becomes a feature only of itself. i wish you well with mum, but her recovery must be self-motivated. If it were me, I would emphasise everything that still has meaning to her; try and aid restoration of her original perspective before alcohol took hold. The rest is up to her.
When my ex finally gave up drinking, his character changed completely and he became insanely jealous to the point that it ended our relationship. Maybe that was the real him all along, and the alcohol was just hiding it. Or maybe a bottle of vodka a day actually kills part of your brain and you never recover. Good luck to everybody going through this awful situation.
I guess I'll be the odd one here but I believe you should mind your own business. You can't live another's life.
@Foot152 I disagree. Ultimately we all have to answer to ourselves for our own actions. If she loves her mother, wants healing for her, and walks away without even trying to seek solutions, that decision could haunt her. Even if it fails, a reasonable attempt at seeking resolution could give some ease to a troubled conscience and emotions in turmoil.
It is Not your problem to fix, change, or manage! Find an Al Anon branch for friends & relatives of alcoholics, or the disease will eat you alive too!
I am tired of telling my sister to quit. I stay in a house were alcohol is always present. Daily use of the poison is not a solution, is a way of life into a self inflicted disaster. A house don't need 2 bars, well think again. Misery wants company so every "vice" she attempted to facilitate me has failed. I don't gamble, weed, smoke, binge drink, pill, self medicate or prescription medicate etc, etc, etc. Nope!
I'm a relocated cheesehead. Hi!
My realization involved myself.
I'm afraid there is lots of truth in the adage: you can't help someone unless they believe they need help.
My support was in SMART recovery . org.
Hi, Sam, and welcome to the website,
There is always someone who any particular person will listen to, so recruit them. Maybe it's a sibling, or aunt, but someone might be able to help you-preferably someone nonjudgmental. The last thing she needs is some critical religious lecture.
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