I have a friend that I grew up with who's been married for more than 30 years to her husband. She's mentioned that sex in there marriage is "a lot" if it's once a month. Which is to say sex is not a common activity in their marriage. They seem committed to one another and seem to love each other. They are very religious Christianish type folks. I must say however, that in family pics posted on facebook her husband, a late-fifties gray-haired Caucasian man in a suit, appears to have a barely noticeable half-sided "smile" with a what appears to always be a slightly dissatified countenance. He reminds me of a man secretly addicted to porn while being a church minister type. I wonder if a virtually sexless marriage with a person you love is common or acceptable to men or women. I find this topic interesting because I believe that the expression of love is most profoundly comminicated sexually. That is not too suggest that I don't realize there are an infinite number of ways to express romantic love however. What do you think about sexless marriages or sexless romantic relationships? Are they feasably potentially satisfying and healthy?
Depends on the people involved. I was in a sexless marriage for way too long. It was also a verbally abusive relationship. It fucking sucked and has scarred me. It’s been 8 years since that ended and I’m still recovering.
If it is important to both, yes. If one is not into it then that is a BIG problem.
It is a requirement for me. But since it's such an important yet secretive part of the human condition, there's so many places where people can develop hangups about it, and the way people react around it is, at least to outside onlookers, quite bizarre and irrational.
But really, you get into a relationship with a person so you can give and get the things that you both need and you can't (easily) give/get elsewhere.
A sexless relationship can be healthy and successful, but only if that VERY closely reflects the needs and the desires of both participants
I love your description of the husband in the photo!! ? But in answer to your question: a sexless marriage, or even relationship, would not work for me. The intimacy and bonding of sex is in my book as close as two people can get. I can like you from a distance, but when I love you, I want to be part of you. When I say sex, I am not talking about the act of physical intercourse alone, but the sensuality of bodily contact, skin against skin, extended foreplay, tasting, kissing.... OK, gotta stop now, these are all things I have not had in my life for way too long! ?
For me, I'm extremely affectionate and physical. I don't necessarily have to have sex to be happy in a relationship, but I 100% need touch.
Having said that, sex is important to me. And I'd much rather be in a solid relationship where we are having sex, then one we aren't.
I believe the majority of people would agree that for a romantic relationship to thrive and survive, there has to be a sexual relationship. I am one of those people. However, there are always exceptions. I’ve known people who are in relationships that are not sexual and it seems to work for them.
That's reasonable thinking and I agree. I also think "sexual" could be interpreted in a multitude of interesting ways.
The people in a relationship should be sexually compatible. A person with a high sex drive and one with a low sex drive is going to lead to resentment over time. Same for a person who is adventurous with one that wants vanilla sex. It is all ok but giving up, or being forced to endure, due to the difference, leads people to feel like they are missing out. That is very unhealthy long term.
Alternatively, some people have open relationships so that they can stay with each other without having to match in the area of sex.
There is also nothing wrong with porn in an amount that helps him feel like he is not missing out as long as it doesn't leave her wanting. Unfortunately, most people hide their true desires, even from their partners, for fear of being judged. A real partnership is supportive of varying desires and each can share openly without fear of judgement. It is really the only way to figure out how both, or all, people in a relationship can be fulfilled.
I agree with you on many points. Thanks for answering the question intelligently and not being offended by it.
Love can exist without sex. I know a few couples like this who are devoted to each other. But for me, a sexless romantic relationship didn’t, doesn’t, and won’t ever work. Physical intimacy is the key to the lock that keeps me with someone. Even just a cuddle. The warmth and closeness it provides is invaluable.
Yes, I agree completely
No one mentioned an open relationship. What if one partner had a fetish that the other couldn't or didn't want, for various reasons, do? They are great together but that stands in the way. What if children are involved? Should they divorce? In many great stories the men have philandered while the wife remained at home,miserably faithful.
I thought about that too. Sex can be complicated and about a lot more than just intercourse.
In my marrige we’d barely get to double figures in a year. I hated that. I think subconsciously it lead to resentment and anger which then made me not be the husband perhaps I should’ve been.
Thanks for your honesty.
For most people sex is a part of the relationship. I am aware of a couple who have not had sex with each other, for over 10 years, although they do have sex outside of the relationship. Howevr they re hyappy and i8t seems to work fine for them. Still for most people sex is an important part of the relationship.
I hesitate to infer anything into the nature of your friends' intimate lives beyond the information given explicitly. A smirk in a photograph is way too ambiguous to drill down to something as specific as a porn addiction.
People have different libidos from one another, and a person's libido varies over the course of one's lifetime and one's emotional route through life.
Speaking strictly for myself, I've found that in the early stages of a romantic relationship I can't get enough of her: I want sex a lot, and it's fun and passionate and pleasingly distracting from other things. That "pleasingly distracting" part is critical: if the relationship is nothing but sex, it's not going to last very long, because the sex is distracting from doing other things necessary to build the relationship. Over time, desire tapers down but never goes away.
Also, I've been fortunate in my life to not have any sort of physiological problems interfering with ability or desire. Not everyone is so fortunate.
Everyone is different and every relationship is different. as long as both parties are on the same page and satisfied with the arrangement everything is fine.. it is just sad when there is a serious mismatch in a couple who have different levels of sexual energy and kink. . If you can't have that connection with your mate it is really sad. the church as messed up lots of marriages making sex and love distorted. when we deny our animal side needs it is a vexation of the spirit and will demean the relationship and can bring long term deep seated problems. it's all about compatiblity and openess. the big fear of "sin" has ruined so many unions that could have been happy .
If it weren't for sex, I would just hang out with my friends, no romance required.
I think that's what a lot of my dog friend ladies do. They get their emotional "feed" from their dogs & each other. I can see me being this thing when I'm older. LOL
Intimacy is a part of romance and sex between two people in a relationship is usually involved in intimacy it's always sad in a relationship when one person loses their interest in sex and the other person does not