I'm always sensitive to how men feel being asked this question right away by women. I don't ask, and I'm much more interested in learning other things about a man before knowing his occupation.
Imagine you've just met a woman, briefly discuss the weather and she asks, "So, what do you do for a living?"
I find men do this very often and I'd like to understand why, from a man's perspective. Is it that it's very important to you, or that you don't know what else to ask, or is it that you think you'll learn about her more quickly, by knowing? If so, would you be stereotyping? Has anyone made certain assumptions about you that were incorrect, based on occupational stereotypes?
Examples: Lawyers are dishonest; Investment bankers are ruthless; models are airheads; artists are flaky; construction workers are not that smart; accountants are boring..
Women are welcome to comment! I am just curious to know the motive behind men asking this question right away.
*I'm adding to this, as I'm getting a lot of "Just curious" replies which I don't believe addresses the question. Why are you curious? What will it tell you, that you need to know, in the first few seconds of meeting someone?
*Thank you all for your replies!
I never make a point of it. I just let conversations flow and go where they go. I have never been turned off by a womens profession, unless they were a lawyer.
I think people ask because its largely, socially acceptable to do so. It's almost like asking a student "What's your major?"
Also assumptions are made that others are in careers that they love and that are part of their nature, their being. Before I was a teacher, I hated being asked "what I do." What I was doing before that had nothing to do with who I was fundamentally as a person.
These days talking about learning and teaching is a subject I'll talk your ear off.
I would ask because that tells me a bit about her interests, her mind. I like to know the mind. I don’t feel that it is an offensive question.
You said women could comment, so I will! For my part, it isn't a deciding factor ( there's always exceptions) but rather just a general foray into their mindset, priorities, lifestyle, etc. Just one more way to figure out what kind of person you are.
I tried to find the clip, maybe someone else can, but it's Red Forman at a party where he's asked "so what do you do?" Red's reply; "about what?" Perfect answer!
It can tell if a person is educated, a hard worker (ie construction/farming) compatibility off jobs too, so let's say Jane Doe works steady midnights and John Black Works only weekends and that's the time that she has off that would suck. Reason like that is why so many have said just curious.
I’d say it was because it’s what someone spends 1/3 of their life doing? And often ties into their passions, ambitions and interests? Sometimes it’s a career they love and is an important part of their self image,other times it’s ‘just a job’ and hen the next question is of course what they would love to be doing- what are their dreams?
I’ve never seen it as a negative question or stereotype. I’d happily go on a date with someone from a totally different field to me and learn all about something new.
It is a non threatening way to find out more about a person. It adds to the quiver of things to talk about, and unless you are truly embarrassed by what you so for a living, this is information that anyone that knows you should have an idea about. If you believe that people ask it for stereotyping, that sounds like projection. Stop looking for deep meaning in early conversation, it normally isn't there. This is a common human desire to know more about people around us.
I would think it is just a quick way to see if you have something that takes up a lot of your time in common, nothing more sinister. If I worked in the medical field and I find out you do too, we suddenly have a whole lot to talk about. Maiasaura below who gets asshole comments on her job would have probably gotten asshole responses to whatever topic was brought up! I was never ashamed to say what I did for a living and it never occurred to me that the person was trying to scope out my earning potential. Maybe I was wrong. If you do something interesting, I want to know more, and it can lead into your other interests.
When you meet someone new and are attracted to her, its normal to be nervous and hence difficult to think of conversation starters. Since you spend about a third of your waking hours at work, its an easy topic to talk about. When a group of guys are talking, the most common topics are work and sports. So it stands to reason that when talking to women, they will gravitate to the one that they think has the most common ground.
I'm a woman but maybe if I were a man I'd want to know if she's a co-dependent bum type. Some women still have their brains in 1952 and if I were a man I don't think I'd be interested in supporting a grown adult as though they were a child. I wouldnt be interested in a stay-at-home wife. Also, it seems lately that these types usually use pregnancy to get out of actual employment and still expect a high fallutin lifestyle. If I were a man? Hell to the NAW.
I think it's about getting a base to work from rather than going into the heady arena of emotions! It does open the way for further questions; Do you live to work or work to live? Are you following your dreams? Do you think you are part of the system? Etc
I, for one, recognize profession as the tip of the iceberg when learning about an individual. If I were to discover someone who has a career rather than just a job, that is rare and fascinating to me.
But to apply a mosaic of stereotypes based on profession, culture, race, religion or political bias is to miss the point of asking questions in the first place. IMHO.
I would ask women that question too, but not first. I am more interested in who they are as a person than what they do, although I realize there can be a link between the two. It will come up anyway, sooner or later, but getting to know a person in other ways is much more fascinating.
I am under the impression this is often attributed to Americans, as we culturally seem to place higher immediate value on income and social standing derived from profession.
I always ask because so much of our time is devoted to earning a living. It would be worse if I asked 'How much do you earn?'
@Athena Very True. Most of the interesting stuff I do has nothing to do with my employment. The art of conversation has really been lost on many people. I myself have often found myself resorting to cliche questions simply to attempt to start a conversation.
Depends on who is asking and why. It could be innocent in just making conversation and or a way to get to know the other person. What someone does certainly provides some information about who they are.
For most people, most of their waking lives is spent at work. And like it or not, your job says a lot about your social status, your values and possibly your expectations. I know women who are Engineers, Doctors and Scientists. I would find these women more interesting than a waitress. What if her occupation is topless dancer? Many of them are outright prostitutes. That comes with baggage I would never want to deal with.