Agnostic.com

340 196

Dating after 50

Is it just me, or is dating after 50 a nightmare?

It seems like almost everyone is so religious, which narrows the pool significantly.

Then out of those who are left the majority fall into one of these categories: looking for a nurse/care giver,
looking for someone MUCH younger to recapture their youth or REPUBLICAN

Then of the 10 people in your region that are left...you don't like 5 and the other 5 don't like you.

OYE! I think I just need a gay best friend to do things with and a new vibrator.

Crimson67 8 Jan 6
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

340 comments (26 - 50)

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

9

The up side is that at 50 you are self sufficient. You don't NEED anyone, so if you choose to be around someone, it is a compliment in itself.

9

I feel your pain. No seriously. Widowed at 48, after 15+ years of marriage. About as lost in that game as could be. Lovers are wonderful, but friends save the day. If we are very lucky we may have both.

8

Yep, a nightmare...but not because of religion, in my experience. Biggest problem I see is that men over 50 still want to date 30 year olds. They assume that women their age are no longer interested in sex (wrong) and that they may have a few extra pounds (but their pot bellies are okay). Or they have numerous health problems and they're looking for someone to take care of them and remind them to take their pills...
Not bitter...just a bit disheartened by what I'm seeing.

Na. You have the wrong analogy as to why we look for younger women.

I do not I really like women in my age group 55-70 we have a lot more in common and can talk about subjects and life experience that we both relate to , and we are probably moving at the same speed ..

@SeptemberWoman You love who you love. I'm 32 and dated women in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, and 60's. In true love the age difference knows no bounds. Here in Virginia Beach, VA I hear that "Oh I wish I could be younger again" from many people. In my book age is just a number. To be honest, there are bad apples in any pot regardless of age and gender. When it comes to dating, more need people rid themselves of the thought of there is a soulmate i.e. the one for them. I’ve personally never believed in the whole concept of “soulmates”. No matter how ahead of the curve you think yourself to be, there will be thousands like you walking the same curve. You will think that you are the only one who has those odd habits, odd idiosyncrasies, or you are the only one awake at that particular hour of the night. But the truth is, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands who are exactly like you. There are plenty of people who would satisfy an individual criteria of Ms. Right and Mr. Perfect. It’s just pure coincidence that you found one of them and were acquainted to him or her and now consider them your “soulmate”. In the end, “the one” is the one you choose, so choose well!!

You don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. Real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. At the end of the day, what matters is that we VALUE and LOVE the people that are in our lives. It's essential to learn that happiness is more than just a feeling. It is also a choice and the result of a series of choices. We have to choose to appreciate and love those around us.

I have a friend near 80 and we have fun together, a little sex, a lots of talk, and since I've known her a very long time, personal interactions. I like her very much, but I see younger women mentally boring after a brief period of eye candy-ness, but youthfully vibrant and many more open minded then 'older" women. I must take issue with Septemberwoman; religion is the Black woman's life and to a true atheist, annoying as hell..

@Blackmind "Religion is the Black Woman's life.."

Dont understand your comment..?

@SeptemberWoman Black women are the only women I've encounted that ask when you date them, "do you love the lord?" Seriously, for me, and as far as I know only me, it's sickening.

"So, too, do nearly nine in 10 African American women, according to a nationwide survey conducted by The Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation. The poll, the most extensive look at black women’s lives in decades, reveals that as a group, black women are among the most religious people in the nation. Although black men are almost as religious as their female counterparts, there is a more stark divide along racial lines"

[washingtonpost.com]

Hey, my pot belly is sexy!

@Blackmind I don't doubt it. I'm not at all ashamed of being agnostic but I sometimes avoided the subject of religion at work, mostly populated by people of color. Got sooooo tired of explaining: " I respect your faith; I just don't share it." and many looked at me as if I had slapped their children. 😃
But as far as dating, it happened to me too. One dude said to me, 5 minutes into the phone conversation: "Do you know God? You must know God!"

Um...no. #NewPhoneWhoDis? 😉😊

I wouldn't mind dating a 30 year old if they weren't so limited in their thinking and experiences. Today, what would we have in common? I don't do hip hop or any derivative and any man over 40 something who does seriously "date" (whatever that entails), has some issues he should address. I sometimes go out with my young 30 somethings but it's fun because we connect on a different level, a refreshing one, like being with your children. As far as religion among Black women, it's a no no for me and if they don't have the "holy ghost" they have the material spirits and an attitude that usually accompanies it. As for White women..they are white women..they feel your arms to see how muscular you are and really don't appreciate a Black man's mind or world view.. Life is fun..lmao

8

oh i sooooooo agree with you. the ones that annoy me most are the ones looking for a nurse with a purse.

The older you get, the more there will be of those.

8

You nailed it! Its zombie land. And good luck even finding someone in good enough shape to take a walk in a park - despite the zillion sports they supposedly participate in. The topics of conversation always seem to devolve to 3 things - their health, their food fetishes, and their ex. Rinse and repeat. I mean, you've been on the earth 50 plus years and that's all you have to talk about? How boring.

8

Sorry its a bit difficult for you. I'm beating women off with a shitty stick.

...OK that last bit was a lie 🙂

8

Ha!
You're killing me with these posts!
Suggestion: Singles, over 50, cruise.
Several of our single acquaintances have had success meeting folks this way.
WTF! It's at least a good vacation!

8

haha! It is brutal out there....I am an actual care giver, which makes relationships difficult. I am at the point now that I feel that 'alone time' is fine by me. I live in a pretty 'liberal' city, so republicans aren't really a problem, but the women I meet all seem to be trying to recapture their youth by partying, or are the 'living for the weekend' type...9-5 five days a week, complain about work, bust loose on the weekend, suffer on monday, repeat...I am 49...so maybe things will change in 8 months...hehe

I couldn't see trying to start a relationship when I was a caregiver.

@bingst you aren't kidding...it has to be someone who will be willing to spend a lot of nights at home...specifically, my home...haha...I was in one for about 2 years and it didn't work at all...constant stress...I tried to split my time, but I wounded up being mildly neglective to both my ex and my charge...didn't realize it until after the relationship...

7

This is the truthiest truth that ever truthed. Not quite fifty (but only a matter of months to go). I find they’re all religious, unemployed or married (and yeah, hard pass on anything resembling potential drama thanks)
Add to that my peculiar preference for interesting and intelligent conversationalist and the well is DRY!
It’s so damn disappointing.

Essie Level 6 Sep 21, 2018
7

You have me laughing out loud here reading your post. Do you know the song '' Don't sit under the Apple tree ''. ? they're either too young or too old, either too gray or too grassy green, the best are in the Army, the rest will never harm me, they are either too fast or too fast asleep, '''' and so on. I used to sing it during WW2 when it was popular. So did The Andrew Sisters

7

There are MANY THINGS worse than a gay friend and a new vibrator! Vibrators don't care if you toss them aside for a month and they don't nag you to use them in ways you don't like! 🙂

Gay BFs will go to sappy movies with you and will trash your last love object and they'll even make a cake for your birthday!

7

Dating after 50 actually depends on your perception of yourself as well as your perception of others. I'm 88 and see no dating problems, period. I see many men and women over 50 enjoying life, and dating too. I have many friends of both sexes who enjoying life to the utmost. And that includes me. My life couldn't be better, and I see no shortage of nice ladies to date. I'm not well off financially, average looking, have no special talents, and yet I'm very happy. If you're unhappy with your social life maybe you should ask your friends to offer suggestions about helping your social life, and then really listen to what they say. You may find your life changing for the better in a hurry!

7

In my experience, dating has always been a nightmare. It’s awkward and unnatural. The few people I’ve had relationships with were all people I met while just going about my daily life. I met my former husband at a music store where he worked. I met my last boyfriend at the office where we were both working. I met another past partner at the library, another at an art opening. And then we just started chatting and hanging out and the rest was history. The problem with being older is that I don’t really go out much, and the people I work with are all a lot younger than me so the opportunity doesn’t present itself. Which leaves online dating... and, sadly, that has been a complete fail (although not surprising, considering my history - see above).

Not for me.. I meet an extraordinary woman who has insights intuitive and egalitarian. Great combo

7

Younger men can keep up with you both mentally & physically if you give them a chance. I am now dating a guy older than i...he is 73, I will be 70 in July) and while he makes me laugh a lot, he can be a bit stuck in the mud...for example, I want to try fake bull riding, there is a place only about 3 hours away, and it appears I will be going in the RV with just the dogs. Like there isn't a few other things we could do while in Boston.......

7

You poor thing, you just live in the wrong place.

Leon Level 5 May 7, 2018
7

@ Crimson67, So True. Well put. After 60 doesn't seem like it gets easier either. LOL

7

Starting to suspect that dating is ALWAYS a nightmare. We just process the experience after 50 with sufficient insight so that we now recognize the nightmare aspect. Also, most of us are coming out of situations where we thought we were beyond dating. And now the reality is that we have to take it on again. ick. Wish there were better ways to identify, connect, bond with the next person to who will be significantly into our lives.

7

I wouldn't know. I couldn't get a date if I were the last man on earth. Mostly because I'm only interested in men, so there's that. But I haven't done a lot of dating. In fact, the only guy to recently ask me out only did so after the telephone pole turned him down.

6

I'm in my late-ish 40's (47) and it's a nightmare. Every guy who approaches me expects sex within the first 10 minutes but always says he wanta to "take it slow". Translation: I'd like to browse Tinder while I simultaneously have your legs up in the air.

P.S. I'm not on Tinder. I also put it out there that I am a relationship girl. Not a FWB type.

The only guy who message me who seem nice also seem to be predominantly Christian, and place importance in their faith. It's very disheartening. I tend to unplug for long stretches of time. Then I get curious if the landscape has changed. I poke my head out; get discouraged again and retreat.

I haven't given up. I just stopped looking a long time ago. Oh; and people who say you'll find live as soon as you stop looking...they need to come up with some better advice.

There has to be chemistry or it's a waste of time. If you don't want to jump in the sack with them......what's the point? Such is life.

Why to wait 10 minutes? Usually it is a much quicker decision.

6

Hahaha! Yes, I’d second everything you said. Even decades ago, my sister and I decided all the good guys were either gay or married.

I never did do well with dating, anyway — never quite knew why, but it may have had to do with not knowing how to flirt — or how to notice or respond to someone else’s flirt. And right now, this is the closest I’ve come to putting myself out there in years. I don’t know how to date. Even when I was younger, I apparently just attracted guys who wanted someone else to earn a paycheck and raise the kids they already had. And absolutely the “nurse with a purse” is a huge issue.

Wish I had a cure, but all I can say is that I totally understand. And yes, a vibrator really CAN be your best friend.

Kodij Level 5 Sep 8, 2018

I'd like to date you online. I live thousands of kilometres away from you. But we're all closer to each other because of internet

@Noyi You’re right about being far away. Too bad you’re married, but we can certainly be online friends.

@Kodij
OK. Thank you

6

U kidding me ? Who cares if we r near 50 or after 50 or whatever . Different ages different troubles . I drive near an hr and half to work ( by choice ) when I work . Listening to music and thanking self for surviving to be near 50. I heard my patients say often , " oh I ll give an arm and a leg to be 20 again , even 30, easier to find true love ". I say keep the arm and the leg , u gonna need it ma'am / sir ?Our age came w wisdom . Experiences . We are more selective hopefully . That's all . And we have learned to be happily alone if we have to , instead of lonely . The easiest thing in the world , to find someone to date , especially if u r a woman . Just put a sign " available .." but who has energy for this or time ! Dating , companion , love , is even better at our age I think . Bcz we r better . Or at least we know r selves better . We have kissed hopefully all the frogs and lizards already ?And we have no need for Prince either ! Win / win situation ! Smile and stay alive . The ones that are not for u or for me , none to do bcz of r age . Just not for us . Especially if rebuplicans !!! ???

Here in Virginia Beach, VA I hear that "Oh I wish I could be younger again" from many people. In my book age is just a number. To be honest, there are bad apples in any pot regardless of age and gender. When it comes to dating, more need people rid themselves of the thought of there is a soulmate i.e. the one for them. I’ve personally never believed in the whole concept of “soulmates”. No matter how ahead of the curve you think yourself to be, there will be thousands like you walking the same curve. You will think that you are the only one who has those odd habits, odd idiosyncrasies, or you are the only one awake at that particular hour of the night. But the truth is, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands who are exactly like you. There are plenty of people who would satisfy an individual criteria of Ms. Right and Mr. Perfect. It’s just pure coincidence that you found one of them and were acquainted to him or her and now consider them your “soulmate”. In the end, “the one” is the one you choose, so choose well!!

My stance for many years is its better to be single and lonely than together and miserable with the wrong person. The time we are blessed with on this Earth is very finite. Time spent in a bad relationship is time wasted finding the right one. You can’t find the love you deserve if you’re giving attention to a dead-end relationship. Once you become the person you want to meet wants to find, you will find yourself in the right place to find the person who’s right for you.

You don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. Real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. At the end of the day, what matters is that we VALUE and LOVE the people that are in our lives. It's essential to learn that happiness is more than just a feeling. It is also a choice and the result of a series of choices. We have to choose to appreciate and love those around us.

@daveeleceng I couldn't agree more w what u said ! Yes !

@daveeleceng. Your statement: Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. That has got to be the most insightful and accurate thing I've ever heard. I'm not sure very many people get that - if it isn't "perfect" they start rationalizing why they should consider moving on. You are way tooooo young to be that insightful.... 😉

@Lavergne Thank you!! I'm honored and humbled <3 Over the years I realized that each of us is perfectly imperfect. I've been told by several people that I'm an old soul. Each of us finds many ways to share wisdom with others. I firmly believe that each of us need to strive to be blessings to one another. We are not here to see through one another, but to see one another through 🙂

@daveeleceng perfectly stated!

@Heidi68 Thank you!! What parts of my comment stood out to you?

6

"Is it just me, or is dating after 50 a nightmare?"
When it happens, I will offer my experiences for your perusal. But it ain't. The void stares back. It yawns and tells me to stop wasting my time.

6

I just turned 70, he is 73. We plan on taking ballroom dance lessons starting next week (hilarious because I am the biggest klutz you will ever meet, and outweigh him by about 100 lbs). We go to karaoke several times a week. I chose him over a 52-year old. I do not think we will ever live together.....set in my ways, I want the remote! Yes to the vibrator too! And gay friends are Great! All I wanted, really was a guy to hang out with.....i worked alongside men most of my life.....But, It is, most times, the exact same feeling like we are 22....which i find amazing! Maybe even better because time could be short. I know how very very lucky i am............

Good for you!

6

So you think your age is a problem? Try being 88 in here! I understand that people look at my age and put me in a rocking chair in a nursing home. And I understand it too, but THAT AIN’T ME! I’m in great shape, go dancing at least once a week, exercise, eat right, can still do it all, but I think people look at my age and don’t bother checking out my profile or my posts. I think I have a lot to offer but I guess that’s life so I’ll just try to wear my patience shirt. It’s STILL a good life!

I'm 70 and have a similar problem. A Jack Lalanne clone. Lifetime athlete/cyclist. Overeducated autodidact, read more serious nonfiction books than anyone. Dance, been to ballets and operas. Been to the Bolshoi and Mariinsky Theaters, Tolstoi's Moscow Home, Pushkin's Room, Athiest Leftist. Seldom get contacted, Why?

@Healthydoc70 I'm 63 and I fear you. You might make me exercise and eat healthy, possibly opting for a vegan lifestyle. What? no rock & roll, Hip-hop or Jazz? Ballet? I want to go fishing! I'm just messing with you but hopefully you see my point. You have a tough profile.

6

You think it's tough after 50? Try it when you're over 70. IT SUCKS !

I decided I'm just going to find myself a good handyman and marry him.

Finding a good Man to keep you happy and do home repairs,is possible,lots of Widowers like my self,still strong,in pretty good shape,but finding compatible Women is not easy.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:13170
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.