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How do you say you love some one without them thinking you want to marry them?

I have a really good friend. He thinks that every time I say I love him, it's because I want him to love me as a girlfriend or otherwise.

As a humanist, I have always looked at the good in people and I love people, but not all of them I want to have a committed spousal like relationship. I just want to love them as a friend and decent human being.

My free thinking friends, how do I share my friendly love and admiration for a person without making them feel awkward?

As always, thanks in advance.

Chilton704 5 July 24
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44 comments

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0

Explain to him that you do do feel a deep emotional connection to him and that you do greatly enjoy spending time with him -- but that this does not mean that you are driven to have sex with him. Or, if that is the case, that you have chosen not to act on any sexual thoughts.

9

Just add "man" to it, "I love you, man."

or bro

6

Ah, if only agape and eros were English words...

Deveno Level 7 July 25, 2018
5

The only thing I can really think of is "You're a great friend, I love you to pieces."

Have you told your friend that you don't love him in the romantic aspect of the word?

4

"You're so intelligent, I love that about you." Comes out differently than "I love you." Or just say "You're such a great friend." It gets the message across.

4

Don't.

If he can't understand the separation then you're both better off to not push that boundry until he does, which may be never. It's not a perfect analogy, but imagine taking a recent alcoholic out to a bar to chat. They should be fine and if they agree then its their responsibility, but why risk the temptation. In this case someone who has romantic feelings for you and misunderstands your intentions, is still a good person. You're considering that you want to express your platonic feelings which is admirable, but in this case it may be smarter to simply avoid the discussion until you're sure the other party can understand the message properly.

3

You say how you feel. If your friend needs clarification or interpretation, he needs to ask. Love doesn't always require that a consummation take place.

Deb57 Level 8 Nov 21, 2018
3

I say "I love ya, Buddy!"

How about just saying "You know, I just love everything about you" and leave it at that.

@RoadGlider mine was quicker. Plus, you do not have to love everything about a person to love them! I love a friend and distant past ex, like a brother and hate an awful lot about him. He is a pathological liar and a sociopath, and I am not just throwing those terms around ignorantly. He lies to me, he steals money and items, he is selfish as Hell sometimes... but I just spent three years taking care of him on and off during two long psychotic breakdowns, extreme alcoholism, etc. (And jail time).

I am really glad that now that I got him on his feet again, I have moved away and will not have to deal with his lying and stealing anymore. But I sincerely love him.

Was that TMI?!

@LionMousePudding No TMI, I appreciate you sharing that, thank you. You don't want your meaning to be to short. Dropping a polite flirt bomb needs to be heard and felt. I agree you don't have to like everything about someone but you choose them then your accepting the rest. Sugar coating what you want to say can be fun.

3

Be yourself. Explain it as you just did. You can't manage others interpretations or feelings.

3

I don't say it as much as show it.

3

I love you as a person
I love you as a friend
I love you as a human
I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you....
I love you...but don't try to break out of the friend zone....

3

I’ve been this guy before. My advice, don’t say, “I love you”. Those words my be too emotionally charged to understand. From person to person everyone has different experiences so this maybe be the only time they have heard this and felt the same. Feeling and reciprocated this emotion might be confusing. You should talk with them and reiterate the point multiple times about what those words mean for you.

3

Communication would do it.

3

Maybe, avoid this using the L word.

Marz Level 7 July 25, 2018
3

It's a conundrum, brought on by sappy TV shows and movies.
Sometimes I try to explain my feelings using every word except Love; I try to lay out all the things that make me want to say I love someone, rather than using that over used word.
That said, I love love love this thread! (-:

2

"You're a good friend, decent human, and I couldn't love you more".

2

"I love you but i don't want to get married"

2

Might wanna try...

Can I buy you some tacos ?

2

I would maybe say, "I adore you". Or just explain it's a different kind of love.

2

I tell my close female friends I love them, never been an issue. Its never even be discussed. It just happens natural I suppose. It seems like he's thinking to hard about. Same with my close male friends. I grew up south/midwest so perhaps it's a regional thing

2

You have said it well here, tell him that. 🙂

Betty Level 8 July 25, 2018
2

If someone has feelings for you that you do not share, there is no good way. Tough spot to be in.

zeuser Level 9 July 25, 2018
2

I think that you can say it. It has to do with delivery. I would think that someone with whom you have that kind of relationship would understand what you mean. It's a good word. Don't we use it with family? Why not close friends?

1

Describe to him other friendships you have like this so he understands it’s not all about him.

1

You just say it. I tell my married female friend that I love her all the time. I don't say it because I am bi, I say it because I just love her. If you have written to any of your female friends or have told any of them the same words, explain it to the gent that you love him like you love your female friends. Ideally, explain that you love him like a human and that is all. He is the one with the problem and not you. Good luck. <3

1

I just wouldn't say that to a friend of the opposite sex. Tell him he's your best friend or something.

Carin Level 8 Aug 9, 2018
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