Whenever someone comes to the door, the dogs begin to growl and bark. I do not open the door; there is too much crime. We live in a rural area and are wary of uninvited visitors.

I planning on opening the door butt ass naked next time and inviting them in for coffee and....

Answer the door shirtless holding a beer eating pork grinds. If you can burp. A fart would be better.

Depends on how much time is available and my mood.

Some fun things might be asking them if they are Christians. Further inquiring about whether they just talk about Jesus or actually live by and follow his recorded example can be fun.

If they calim to live by his example, that's when it's time to invite them in with a big welcoming smile. Offer them a seat while you fetch soap, a foot tub with warm water and a towel.

"My feet are pretty grubby. Who wants to be first?" ?

When I was in my twenties, I was a little more mean-spirited. I would do stuff like lead the door knocker on for a good 5 minutes, before telling them that I'm sorry I couldn't convert today, because I was still a proud member of the Church of Satan, but thank you for your time.

As I got older, I got to thinking about their job or what they have to do for that day. I actually empathised with them. Could you imagine? You have to deal with people slamming doors in your face, or other silly religions like Christianity or whatever the fuck laughing at you because your silly religion requires you to knock on random doors, as opposed to sitting around getting overwieght, while wasting brain cells believing in your version of God, at least the door knockers get exercise.

I mean if there was a situation more funny than a Christian laughing at a Mormon or Jehovah's Witness or whatever the fuck, then I don't know what? I kind of thought to myself, that they atleast approached with the more noble free thought form of conversion, as opposed to brain washing impressionable children.

So, when they knock, I listen attentively. I take him seriously , and I was not condescending to them. I asked him if they were born into this religion, or was it something they converted to from a similar religion? Now when it came time to answer the question of what my beliefs were. I told him I don't know. I left it at that, grab the pamphlets, thanked him, and sent him on his way in a better mood. At least for 10 minutes they got a break from getting treated like loonies by just as dumb assholes from other faiths, It's easy to mock someone who isn't a traditional religious nut. They at least worked for their conversions...

Back in the days when I had yet to fully embrace my atheism, I told a JW that "I have my own route to god". He asked what it was and I said "maths". He was fascinated and I ended up taking him into the woods to look for pine cones to demonstrate Fibonacci ratios in nature. After about 90 mins, he left without having mentioned the Bible once.

I've live here in az. now 25+yrs they have only come to my door once you can always see them coming you know the sun shines off there halos you answer with a copy of origin of species they want to tell you about the lord I want to tell them bout mine Charles Darwin have never been back I think they pull some kind of invisible mark on your door

If I even do open the door, I laugh at them, shake my head and just say "no thank you" and then add "idiots" as I'm closing the door

"I understand that you think you're doing something good, but unless you have some actual proof, I'm going to treat you like any other con artist trying to rip me off."

There's no requirement that I open my door just because somebody knocks!

A few years back I let a Jehovah's Witless in, just to hear their spiel for entertainment. Almost immediately I noticed that she kept looking at my coffee table, where I had my paintball gun and supplies sitting out for cleaning from my previous day's fun. She didn't seem to know the difference between paijntball and real guns, and didn't stay long. But a few weeks later she called the police and claimed that I was a terrorist and had hostages, which led to a SWAT team surrounding my house. I wasn't home at the time, and eventually the police figured out that it was a crank call and left. I didn't find out about it for weeks.

I don't let them in anymore.

They don't bother my house that is a BnB....I have signs saying no solicitors and no door knockers. Across the street from my BnB, I have another house that I use as an office/library, storage, and private living space....and I have a Buddha statue and a Ganesha statue at the door of that house. I've seen JWs at the houses around my office-house, but they're never knocked...at least not when I was in there. No Mormons either even though I've seen them in the neighborhood too.

By carefully responding to a statement or query with a regressive question, i.e. the 'what before that?"question, "How/why did that happen?" etc., (obviously different for most opening conversations,) you can begin an infinite regress of questions which resolves with either a 'God and the devil must be the same thing' conclusion or 'what exists where God isn't.' This 'godless hole' or dual autonomy for an everlasting all-pervading being creates a conflict for the concept of an omnipresent being. Most Christian based evangelists will disappear at this point and leave you in peace. Zoroastrianism is worth a look to see how this type of conflict is approached and played out in a doctrinal/philosophical context.

Usually I try to be polite and say thanks but no thanks. I mostly get Jehovah's Witnesses, but I used to get Mormons on occasion. One time I tried to freak them out by inviting them to come over to my lord Satan (I have never been a satanist and do not believe in the devil). One time I asked a JW that came to my door how much success they got selling religion door to door. He replied that was not what they were doing. I said sure it is, and I have no use for what you are selling. Now I have a doorbell camera and I just don't answer the door.

I was a farmer on Delmarva, the Mormon elders who weren't old enough to shave would show up looking for my step daughter. She had joined in D.C. Zbut lived in So Cal. I never drew my pistol, but I told them to strip off the white shirts and pick up a shovel or I'd call the sherrif... I think if one comes here to 22643, I will put them on their knees, hands on top of head and give them a large pebble to suck on (Polynesian punishment tech) until the Sheriffs arrive...... I don't own a backhoe anymore.

Just tell them I am not Christian and don't care to discuss it.

I do have fun with them. I'm a show me type of guy & ask those kind of questions.

I used to let them in on account of while they were with me they were not bothering anyone esle but now I live in sheltered accommodation and its probabaly better that they don't takeup 26 peoples time.

I treat them with the respect due to victims of organised religion,I was one of them once.

Shut the door and lock it

....don’t answer the door. Rude, yes. But effective.

If I have time, I listen for a moment. Then I thank them for sharing. If they ask me if I believe in Jesus, I tell them, "Yes, historically." If they apply pressure, I nicely ask them to leave. I see no reason to be unnecessarily rude or mean.

My dad told me about an Irish guy who was serving with the RAF and stationed in California for training. Guy had never encountered door to door proselytizing before and he was kinda demented with some clever humor.

So some Mormons come a'knocking and he panics slightly, because he doesn't want to talk to them. So, he grabs a diaper (his wife and the kid were out). Then he gets a heaping spoonful of chunky peanut butter and slathers it generously into the diaper.

He opens the door and looks very panicked and confused for moment as they launch into their monologue. Halfway into their greeting he presses the diaper into his face and messily eats a chunk of the peanut butter.

The door knockers are very much disturbed and beat a hasty retreat as he watches and chews noisily on the chunkiness.

I either don't answer the door, or, if they become annoying, I set the German Shepherd on them.

I try to sell them drugs. That almost always works. In rare cases I've switched to trying to prostitute myself to them. That one has never failed, but it's unwise to start there.