I don't seek out confrontation... but nor do I tend to "let things go by". I do tend to be turned up on the confrontation scale if I see something "not right" and no one else seems to be saying or doing anything... for whatever reason, well... probably for a lot of specific reasons, my inner voice says "No one else is doing anything, I guess I'm the guy". This often comes with a kind of sanctimonious disdain for the apparent lack of agency exhibited from "bystanders"... I'm working on that, because that's not helpful to myself or anyone else. Kind of a strange context in which to answer your question... I'm framing it around the times I've stood to question authority, protocol or competence.
Yeah, the more I dwell on confrontation, the more I see it's merit, honestly.
I think people confuse confrontation with aggression and hostility. They may appear together, but they are not the same thing. Read this sentence:
She confronted the challenges before her with grace.
Do you notice the absence of hostility and aggression? Yet is entirely different than:
She tolerated the challenges before her with grace.
The former suggests the protagonist is on a path to resolve the challenges. The latter implies the challenges are irreconcilable, or at least, resolution is not on the agenda or irrelevant.
Do you
Accept the the things you cannot change?
or...
Change the things you cannot accept?
If you're not prepared to reasonably discuss our opposing viewpoints and prefer to stubbornly insist I'm wrong simply because you're right then it's an uneven playing field, and I'm not prepared to pointlessly hammer my head against a brick wall. My skin's too thin and I bruise easily. Yes I can on occasion be guilty of the same, I'm only human, but I welcome it being pointed out to me, and will gladly put it right. In practice this means I lose an argument as soon as it starts. I suspect I'd not only make one of the world's best politicians, but also one of the worst, but at least for the right reasons!
1000% Non-confrontational: like, if someone so much as looks at me sideways I'm outta there, never to return (true story).
I dunno why, exactly. I had an emotionally distant, disapproving manipulative narcissist with explosive, violent anger for a parent, so I suppose that's most to do with it.
I don't avoid confrontation, necessarily, as in bringing something sticky to someone's attention, saying no, or asking for something I need--I'll just come right out and point blank say what needs said, straight-no-chaser--I'm totally fine with whatever, as long as self-control, manners, decorum, and respect are in play. When people start getting angry, rude, mean, or untruthful--what people probably mean when they say "confrontational"--I'm out.
I think you've nailed it with the parent reference. I had the same and have always thought my stressed reaction to confrontation is a conditioned fight or flight response, learning very early on that the fight option was doomed.
Confrontation only has any constructive point if the other side is capable of listening to you. A fight for fighting's sake is pointless.
What is needed is assertiveness, rather than only aggressive or passive participants. Might as well argue with a drunk person, for all the good it will do.
I don’t shy away from it, I don’t go looking for it either! There are just some times it is inevitable!
For me, it's about the power balance, or maybe the context. I'm not confrontational with my boss, or even my co-workers, but I was with my ex. And I'm working on figuring it out, because I don't like confrontation, but I feel like it's often necessary. I've struggled with codependency. If I'm confrontational with you, it's because I love you and trust you enough to feel the need to let it out. Or you've simply pissed me off and I don't know you well enough to care.
@AMGT Thanks, that's actually reassuring to hear.
I'd like to disagree with you on some points but you seem pretty spot on there....and that's pissed me off dammit
I am generally not confrontational.
However, sometimes, when someone asserts nonsense (the earth is flat, Jesus is my savioir, I will pray for you) I will often engage in a series of points and counterpoints that are usually not pleasant for the theist that made such assertions.
I often find that liars and stupidity make me confrontational, especially when they are combined. Example: My best friend reposted a meme that said if you filled your gas tank all the way up it would explode from the summer heat. I confronted her that c'mon, she knows better, else we would have had heard about explosions all our lives from this, and never heard of it happening once.
@TheAstroChuck I have lived through 58 summers without any vehicle gas tanks exploding from my filling them to the brim - not a car, not a truck, not a lawnmower, nothing. Nor have I experienced permanent gas leaks in any vehicle from this. I have never heard of anybody else having that experience either. Seems it would be common knowledge and we would have been warned against it when we were learning to drive, and we would hear about it constantly from it happening to people we know- were it true.
@TheAstroChuck I would assume they HAVE considering there are zero reports in the news of this happening to anyone. And this is the first time in my life that I have ever heard of it happening to anyone - I've personally been driving since the mid 70s and so have all my friends. I guess your mother won the unlucky lottery there.