So I've spent the last 18 years praying all the time: If I want something - pray about it; if there's a need - pray about it; if there is roadkill that you hope didn't/doesn't suffer - pray about it; if you're happy - pray about it; I could go on forever but you get the point.
I've had 18 years of almost solid primary coping mechanism as prayer. And I was indoctrinated from birth but it was "mine" beginning age 12. That's a long friggin' time to do something.
And now I don't believe. It started with dipping my toe in - testing the metaphorical waters. I read atheist books (still am working on the stack of them) and journaling and praying - except this time, all the prayers started with "If you're there..."
The interesting thing to me is how I've stopped seeing answers to prayer as my belief has gone away. Instead of "amen," I see more scientifically explainable phenomenon. It's nice. Lonely but nice.
I still occasionally pray to Yahweh to see if it works and guess what? I've found nonone there. And, if he is and chooses not to answer someone bc of genuine questions, why should I serve someone so cruel and uncaring that basic questions are not allowed?
1
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9 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I've been where you are. A site like agnostic helps with the lonely feelings. Out will take time though because you're rewiring your entire thought process. Just know you're cared about and unhook always find answers here should you face a questioning point.
ashortbeauty
Level 8
Mar 31, 2018
0
Hi @ashleyrenee. I can't add any more to the sage advice posted here already, except that you have a lot of people here in your corner. Those who have travelled this same road.
Big welcome.
Hominid
Level 7
Jan 20, 2018
1
How do you explain that spiders have 8 eyes? Is it random, or would they be better off with 4 eyes, or 16, or .......?
You can Choose to see "intelligent design", or you can see Plenty of examples that random selection has not always worked very well, for example, the millions of extinct species (woops!) Or the design of human knees........
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Jan 19, 2018
0
you can either care about the truth, or care about what you want the truth to be. The fact that you are asking yourself the question, and that you are sourcing evidence on both sides of the argument, shows you care more about the truth than what you want the truth to be. This means you are not a person who bases their beliefs and opinions on bias or prejudice, and that you are an open minded and honest person. Just some reasons to feel proud
RobH86
Level 7
Jan 18, 2018
2
Aww thank you! That was really sweet and I needed it.
There is a movie I think you will enjoy: the seventh seal. I believe Netflix has it. Worth watching as it is not only an amazing movie but the main character went thru what you are going thru now. I don't want to tell you what to believe but I think you will enjoy that movie and maybe find what you are looking for.
Whatever you decide in the end I hope it works for you.
engineer_in_nj
Level 6
Jan 18, 2018
1
Thanks! I'll have to look it up.
Glad to hear you're making progress. That is a hard mindset to get out of, especially when it is as ingrained as you describe. You join many ex-believers who go through this process, and I hope this community can help.
BackToReality
Level 6
Jan 18, 2018
2
This community is already helping since I started really posting today! Thanks for your input!
You're in a safe place. No prayer required. Welcome.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
Jan 18, 2018
3
Thank you!
Consider yourself on a long journey, and you are just a little way in. But you have started. Believe it will get better. And as you can add some like minded friends, will go faster. (at least, this is what I believe, and think is true). There are others like me, and that is good.
Or-Humanist
Level 7
Jan 18, 2018
2
Thank you. It's a good reminder to be patient with myself. I didn't form 18 years old belief overnight and I won't undo it overnight, either. Learning is a process.
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
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