I thoughtfully read all the comments and I’m taking an action item to cancel the next date, I’ve given the situation pleny of time for discovering “redeeming” like able qualities. Thank you all for your comments and advice.

You deserve someone with more than one redeeming quality.

I've learned to pay attention to my gut. First impressions are important.

Why would you continue dating a man whose "manner, opinion and surliness are obnoxious"?

It can only go downhill from here.

I was with an obnoxious , surly misery for 23 years....during that time he drained the happiness out of me .The end result me being an anxious wreck....
Not any more....Life is too short to have a misery poultice draining your emotions dry.
I woukd get out now .....unless of course he has any redeeming qualities...?

If you thought he was obnoxious and you still are questioning it three dates in, I'd say go with your first instinct. Move on to someone else. Don't settle for less than someone who you like from the beginning. Also.. Hi, I'm Darin. ?

Please don't tell me you think once you find that quality you can refine it and shape them into the person you want.

That rarely ends well. If ever.

"sort of obnoxious" ?

Magic 8 Ball says Try Again...

With someone else!

If you are 3 dates in you are way beyond first impressions. If you haven't found any "redeaming qualities" why do you continue? I think the best thing to do would be to would be to back out now and continue looking for someone that you like of at least respect or are attracted to.

What, besides optimism, keeps you coming back for repeat dates? What need or desire is being met? Is there something in his demeanor that, while sort of obnoxious, appeals to you? Do you find his surly temperament somewhat mysterious and even a bit alluring? Is he charming in some way that offsets his gruff attitude? When you're preparing for a date, are you excited or dreading it?

There's a quote I like that goes more or less like this: if a person tells you who they are -- listen the FIRST time.

You are the ONLY one who can make that decision.

However, three dates and you're STILL looking for ONE redeeming quality?

I'd say that if after 3 dates, it's no longer a first impression but a pattern of behavior.

Usually people are trying to be on their best behavior for a planned first meeting and you found him surly!?! There must be some good qualities if your heading for a fourth helping...

Have you tried to ask him about it? If you do and the answer is "deal with it, love me or leave me" run like the wind. However, if the answer is "ooh no, I am so nervous around you I don't know how to act, I am so sorry" I would give him another chance.

The importance that people attach to first impressions is somewhat akin to judging a book by it's cover.

no. i do not ignore first impressions but i try to be open to correction if i've caught someone on a bad day or misunderstood them or misassessed them in some way. however, if someone continues to be obnoxious, that's not a first impression anymore and warning bells should be going off in your head. if you have a towel, throw it at him.

g

Surliness and sort of obnoxious? He sounds lovely. That would send me running the opposite way, but, that's just me. I'm to old to waste time with someone surly and obnoxious.

Run and don't look back.

You should know from the first time you meet if there is that special feeling for someone. Time to throw in the towel, and move on to the next one.

No,surliness can only get worse,drifting into control issues,especially if you form a couple you work,he does not, so any lateness from your work makes him more controlling.

Sounds like you might think you'll be the one to change him .....not likely.

Does he have other redeeming qualities that cause you to keep at it ?

I think I'm not so shallow as to judge a person on first impressions but after meeting number three, I still have a bad feeling, time to listen to my own intuition. Time to run!!!

The first few dates you are sending out the emissary of you to make the best possible impression. If your date is starting off as surly and obnoxious, it can only go downhill from there.

On the one hand, it's a known fact that people tend to make snap judgments and then adhere to them despite contradictory evidence.

On the other hand, three dates does not a snap judgment make. You've given the guy plenty of chances to show he's a diamond in the rough and he's still surly and obnoxious. You've also stated the classic love-goggle stance that it's your job to dig out a hidden gem and polish the turds off of it.

Run, do not walk, for the exit, my dear.