You want something special and distinctive like you, ... but you want it, for lust only, or for something else?

Try a special place!

Paying attention, and a corded vibrator!

Over the years, I have been lucky to have had three extraordinary lovers. The vast majority are mediocre (and think they are exceptional), with a few lousy lovers at the bottom. For me:

1. An extraordinary lover pays attention to my words, sounds and nuances of body language. He responds in ways that give me greater pleasure. I do the same for him.

2. A mediocre lover selfishly ignores my needs and desires, focusing on his own pleasure. There is a spectrum of mediocre, ranging from passivity (expecting me to do all the initiation and work) to jackhammering blindly, forgetting I’m there.

I have always hated jackhammering. It makes me wince and pull away. For me, it is counterproductive to opening up mentally and physically during sex.

3. Lousy lover: One man was so inept, I sketched a diagram of the vagina and penis. “Men push,” I said. Enough said.

Most cis hetero men are hard-wired to do "rabbit sex" since that's usually all cis hetero women will tolerate.

No frills, reach orgasm quickly before she changes her mind. Mind-numbingly boring, even if they "work hard" trying to make the woman orgasm, since it's obvious they don't enjoy it, so I just faked it.

I didn't know what was possible until later in life when I met men who were more than cis hetero; ones with enough feminine traits that they knew what sex was for..leisurely pleasure, fantasy, costumes, mild S & M, and play props..not just the quickest A to Z orgasm possible.

I will block anyone who trolls me or rushes in to argue, since most cis hetero people have no idea what they're missing, and don't seem to care.
They just do the motions, reach orgasm, check off that box, and call it a win.

At least all the people I knew were that way, including women.

If I told you my secret, it wouldn't be a secret anymore.

I don't know--I think I'm missing it too.

Being into someone. Electricity, chemistry. You can't fake that.
After having been spoiled on it nothing else will do. I'd rather be alone without it.

DESIRE (think U2) ~

Gin.

As for what you'd want, that'd be a few glasses of wine between us, and a kinky conversation to iron that out.

As for what; I find what rocks my world, it's a woman that's in sync with what I'm lusting for.

Sometimes I enjoy a little pinch and squeal, other times I want to be ridden like I'm the last chopper out of Vietnam. It's finding a partner that's in sync with whatever sexual deviancy that's your fancy really.

Often to find out that information does take just asking, 'so what do you enjoy in bed?' As you've basically done here.

A persons personality plays a part in it as well, I've known a few women who do like their sex on the rough and tumble side of things, but they're generally shy and reserved people. So I can't just jump on in full gimp suit rearing to go! I'd have to seduce them into that mood, either in the bedroom incrementally or teasingly throughout the day.

Admittedly other times it just comes down to dirty, uninhibited, 'I've never done this before'-esq, spontaneous sex.

What did you employ that spiced up the bedroom?

Having your Male partner hold back until you are stimulated enough,and not shoot his wad upon sliding into you. One of the problems of Widowers,not regular sex.We become"Backed up".

What are you interested in ?