Long Distance Relationships
How many of you here have every contemplated the potential of a Long Distance relationship? Have you ever had one? How did it work? Did it stand the test of time or did the distance end things before you had a chance to get near enough to one another to save it?
I have never considered a Long Distance relationship, however, when I joined this site, believing it was merely a dating site, I Did choose "Worldwide" for how far a distance I was willing to go. I actually meant that. But then I wonder, "what if I truly met someone around here and I actually wanted to try to have More with that person, how would I navigate the distance? Is it even logical to think to try it?"
I do not believe in putting limitations upon love. I so rarely feel anything romantic for anyone, that If and When I came to cross that bridge, I have no idea how I would even do so if I am unable to be with that person, consistently, in person.
It sounds complicated, but that is mostly based on crap I have heard others say on the matter. Equally, I have also known people who did start out in a long distance relationship and they survived it, and still do. I am not about to jump into a relationship or anything. I am simply contemplating... the idea. I cannot figure out how it would work if ever I opted to give something like that a shot.
In the end, I would venture to say... I would be willing to try it with the right person, but it makes me nervous because I've only ever built relationships with people I Physically See and Know, real time. Even my friends on FB, 98% of the hundreds of them, I Literally know and have met. I tend to stick with people I know in the flesh. Hence, all this internet, long distance stuff, its so new to me. How do you know whether or not chemistry is truly there if you have yet to meet in person? How do you know what you feel over the internet is legit if you do not have a personal, face to face relationship building up with them simultaneously? How can you gauge what you are feeling from such a distance? How can you know what you feel isn't a mirage or that it will remain the same, in tact, upon meeting in the flesh?
What happens if once you meet, it no longer feels right?
It just seems to me that to not be there In Person, face to face, there is a Lot to be spoken of that will be lacking... so how do you make up for it?
And once you Do meet, and if it Does work out in person, what do you do once you must return to your seperate, distant abodes? How do you keep the relationship alive when you cannot eat dinner together or hold hands or walk in the park or... Lay together to sleep at night? I know the thing I miss most about my last relationship is what I noticed the least: merely laying my head on his chest at night and falling asleep to the counting of his heart beats. I would lightly tap my fingertips on his chest as I would count them down until I would drift to sleep. What of those things? Those things matter the most.
Help. Seeking... advice, opinion, perspective, tales, stories... anything, as I try to piece this together inside my own mind. I apologize if this is all over the map, writing wise, but I'm so deep in thought that I can hardly control my tempo nor my text.
5
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
13 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.
I've never been in one but think it is certainly possible. With the right connection and good quality video chat now readily available it would be easier than years ago. The physical contact part would be the toughest to overcome but if the two people had a strong emotional bond it could work. At some point, there would need to be a decision made about one person moving if it became really serious though.
AnthonyP
Level 5
Feb 2, 2018
1
I have not been in a long distance relationship, and I used to say I never would. I've changed that as I have gotten older. There just aren't that many people that I get that attached to, so at this point I'm open to it. Don't want to let distance mess up a good thing.
Amy0825
Level 6
Jan 31, 2018
0
I did. Nine months between VT and GA and then I moved to GA. After living with her for a little over a year, it went downhill fast, but I was stuck in a lease with her. Eight months later, I was able to escape. I'll never do it again, unless I'm already planning to move to the area she lives in.
Vtinga
Level 3
Jan 31, 2018
0
Personally, the longest distance situation I was in, for 4 1/2 yrs, was with someone an hour away. Even though we both shared the travel back and forth - that one hour caused a bunch of frustration ! And if you add miles or hours to that - it becomes that much more.
Having to travel , kills off any chance of spontaneity : "I want you - please come over !?", "wanna meet after work for a walk, a movie, an ice cream cone, etc ".
Too many times , we had to scrap plans because of not being able to get to the distant event in one or the other's home town. Neither of us wanted to move. Ultimately, that seemingly short distance wore us down ...
I wouldn't be too eager to try that again.
Now - that said, I have a relative who met a guy in an online chatroom - it wasn't even a dating site. She lives In NYC, and he was in Australia ! They hit it off big time - they wrote and wrote, and skyped. It took a few years for all this. She finally went there - boom ! He visited her. She went back there. He came to the US, they traveled to Vegas and got married, and now live in her tiny apartment in NY. So there ya go !
I guess, never say "never" !
evergreen
Level 8
Jan 29, 2018
2
Wow!! Now there is a great comparison! I like that! Two different outcomes, similiar situations. Niice! Yeah, i think it could go either way, right? I don't think an hour would bug me too much because I am an avid driver. I love going on drives. The state I currently reside in is beautiful so I do love traveling and driving. In the winter, however, Im sort of grounded because I detest driving in the snow. I just slid off the road last month and got stuck in a snowfilled ravine! I hit black ice going 10mph in white out conditions. No fun!
If i had to drive an hour, i could pull that off. But... Australia? HAHA! I almost married an Australian in the 90s and moved there to attend college in Sydney. He came out to nab me and take me back to Oz when I got total cold feet. I suddenly felt I couldn't leave. Initially he was supposed to move to the US with me, to California, but for months he tried to convince me to move to Australia and attend Univ of Sydney. I was nervous about it. He came to the US to stay with me for a couple of months while we hashed out the plans of me moving to Australia. We were going to elope and get married privately with only 2 witnesses. But it got nutty when he was here for that time period. The more we talked, the more I realized I did Not want to move to Australia. He didn't want to live in the United States. We batted it back and forth for weeks and weeks until we both ended up frustrated. I didn't want to go. He didn't want to stay.
We ended up mutually deciding we needed more time to figure things out. Eventually we slowly tapered off because it became a moot point. I wouldn't relocate to Australia. He wouldn't relocate to the US so there was no longer a reason for us to remain a couple. We could and would never be together in the Same country and I Surely couldn't build a life with a dude on the other Bottom Side of the planet. We broke it off, but not because we didn't work well together. We simply could not find a way to come together, physically.
I had that, but it didn't start out long distance. I met him in California. He was a visiting professor/lecturer from Sydney and I was a TA for a good friend of his, another professor at my Uni. He was an older man, in his 40's so about 20 years my seniour, but I liked that when I was younger. Men my age weren't driven or centered or intellectually stimulating enough for me, I suppose, back then. haha! But... like I said, we couldn't make it work.
Oh well. You love, you learn!
I think each case would be unique. It’s probably a lot more possible to maintain a LDR with someone you really have a deep connection with, than to start one. To start one would absolutely require some travel. The one thing I’m pretty sure of is that humans will do near miraculous feats to preserve a situation that holds the deepest meaning, but half-heartedness will always fail the LDR test.
skado
Level 9
Jan 29, 2018
1
I agree. I couldn't do it with someone I did not care Deeply about. It would have to be a situation where I honestly believed this one could be the one. Im Already unwilling to date Anyone... Anywhere... and have been for a couple of years now so IF i found a person I was Not Only willing to commit myself to And that person were not local (which will probably be the case for me because so far, Im not finding Shit worth of interest in a 300 mile radius of where I reside so I Suspect I may have to widen my Net if i desire to meet someone Im REALLY WILLING to be with, i'd have to be Wild about them) I would probably muddle through it, but eventually, someone would have to move!
I wouldn't say I'm avidly looking, but I Am keeping my eyes open. Most people that have shown in interest in me, I am not feeling it is enough, it seems. I mean, it isn't that they aren't decent people, I just think at this point, I need something Much bigger and... I need to Feel it deeply, otherwise, I'm doing just fine alone, atm. I don't want to jump aboard something that is so-so over holding out for something that is Fan-fucking-tastic! I'd rather wait. I think people get impatient and jump at Anything rather than be alone because many people need anothers eyes to see themselves through. I do not. I can see myself fine.
This is why I cast my net so far out, but it dawned on me, "Ari! What if you Do manage to catch something Far Away?!" because I never entertained that idea previously. I always dated from my own friend pool or at least closely attached to my Actual Life. I never looked for anyone beyond whomever washed up at my doorstep, pretty much. haha!
Now that I am thinking in a bigger sense of things... looking around at All these other... options and opportunities I once never even took notice of, I'm beginning to ponder how I would manage it, if Indeed I did find someone I fancied that was... out of physical reach to myself. It would be difficult, I am sure, but If I were crazy enough about the person, I could make it work, but someone Would, ultimately, have to jump ship and leave their home to be with the other. I think I could even keep it together for a year with visits back and forth, but beyond a year, I might struggle.
We shall see. 
No one knows the future though! Like you, I would stay open to the possibility... and never half-hearted. Its my Whole Heart... or No Heart what-so-ever.
My significant other was transferred from Georgia to Texas; he jumped at it because he was originally from Dallas and his parents were still alive. He invited me to go with him, but I didn't want to leave my friends and family. We talked everyday, flew back and forth, and it seemed to work. About a year later, he developed a fast-moving cancer and was gone in a month.
My few experiences with long-distance dating did not work, but I'm still willing to give it a shot because I'm now willing to relocate. Not so much holding me here anymore.
astardrifter
Level 6
Jan 29, 2018
1
oh my goodness. I am so saddened to read that. 
I am so sorry. I couldn't really relocated because im in college and soon will be in Med school. But, someone could move here! haha! But who in their right mind would wish to relocate to Michigan?! lol!
If it came to be, I would give it a shot and see.
@Sadoi Don't be sad. It was a decade ago.
I've tried a couple of times..and they weren't that far away..1 was in NYC..it was wonderful..but the need to travel to see each other became increasing tedious..and we just drifted apart.
She was a beautiful woman..
Charlene
Level 9
Jan 29, 2018
1
So it worked okay in the beginning? If one of you was able to relocate, do you think it would have worked?
@Charlene well Charlene, I realize im a virtual stranger, but i can honesty say, from personal experience as i shared privately with you, I am GLAD you are the woman before me today. It takes such depth of character and Strength to have come to live your life True to Yourself! I am proud to say I know yet another person who has this same courage that you possess.
So many people will be born and will die having never truly embraced the truths of who they are deep within for fear of "others" when in reality, we are born alone and we will die alone yet we allow so many others to dictate to us what is and isn't acceptable. Loving yourself is one of the most difficult things for people to do when that means loving your Whole Self. So many people have such shame over who they are and they allow that shame to possess them and to destroy their truths.
The bravest ones will live the Fullest Lives because they will live Fearlessly, or maybe with fears, but more than willing to use the power born of their inner strength to shine their True light. I am blow away by all my transgender friends... of my own child as well.
You are a beautiful lady! Good for you that you choose Love, Truth and Light over shame, fear and darkness. I Admire You Charlene. 
Because who I am I can only speak of my experience... and bringing up the GF that stayed in Germany for good reasons, while I retired of the military and returned CONUS for good reasons. Is not the same thing and she came to see me at Miami 4 months later and we spent xmas and new year together and it was great but we both knew is not what we wanted and I never planned her to be miserable in USA or me live that distant in Germany. This is 18 years later and I like the romance that long distance can not provide. For the soulmate I will short that distance. Because she won't be found in my backyard. This is about us now... Retired, I will take a chance, I will gamble, I will know what to do when the time comes. I can say that there is a lot of countries I never visited, experiences left for me to have. I never been the half empty glass type of guy. I had been pampered by european women. From the first contact with tourists from Spain and France in Puerto Rico... to the half greek half cuban young lady in Athens, to the Finnish that will call me everyday to my ship to see what I wanted to eat and drink that night. To the long list of adventures in Crete including the Danish that drove all the way to Stuttgart to see me again. To the Australians that were my hang out buddies, To the taller than me Germans. To the Russian and the Ukrainian found in America... To the soulmate we decided to meet again in another life, in a different time. And there is that aspect of the only woman ever to be called my wife that at times was Long Distance because of my military job. To bring me to now since I am having another friend date today with someone I met 16 years ago and that we had lived together and we been best friends since we parted ways. Yet I am not looking for a reprise of my past... I want a new experience with that specific woman that will erase the blackboard in my heart because she have the right chalk and will know what to write.
GipsyOfNewSpain
Level 9
Jan 29, 2018
0
Proximity is a major factor in any relationship. Those who are able to maintain a relationship despite the distance, I just do not know how they manage it. I feel long distance relationship generally do not work unless of course one of them decide to relocate to the other person's place. That is too much of a risk considering the uncertainty of the future.
Srijith
Level 7
Jan 29, 2018
1
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.