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So I'm dating a catholic now. It's only been maybe a few weeks into a relationship and we've had our first... can I call it an argument? Well, one of those things. I tend to make posts on my facebook about my lack of belief or just little questions here and there. And one of the arguments was that I poke fun/ critique religion on such a generalization; I don't think so. Even had the gull to say that atheism was a religion in itself which made me upset and protested that " if atheism is a religion, then dental hygiene might as well be." The argument came up after he noticed the book I was reading and said it was insensitive of me to bring it. It was the god delusion. I'm kinda worried about how this thing is going to come about; On one hand I finally have a man chasing me, though it feels a bit more like a walk now. And on the other hand I'm feeling a bit lonely that I can't talk to a person that I may be romantic with about subjects that criticize religion and spirituality for fear I might antagonize or hurt him.

I'd like to wake him from the chains of allusion but I don't know if I have the patience or the persuasion to do so. By the way, this is more like venting, since I have no close atheist friends.

CrystalKing333 5 Feb 1
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19 comments

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0

Get more picky, immediately!

1

I gotta say that calling it “disrespectful” to have/read a book he doesn’t agree with is a BAD sign.

1

People can change. It's usually a long slow process with open thought and little or no antagonism. From a person raised catholic who married a catholic, people do change and can eventually open their minds. The big question is are you willing to invest the time effort and risk that it may never happen.

1

I married a Catholic who thought he was past all the church's teachings on what good Catholic people do for sex. Suffice it to say our son is now 44, so that one position, that silent, isolated, repetitive, frill-less position does produce children.However, since the divorce, I've discovered just how many, many, many positions and stuff are just plain fun! Good luck.

How wonderfully refreshing your opinion is after so many asexuals!

@FrayedBear oh I went through my own period where I was totally focused on achieving work success and finised raising my girls. Didn't date for years.

6

If you can't be yourself and you have to play a role to be accepted then you're not in a relationship, you're in a play.

Kimba Level 7 Feb 1, 2018
1

Your arms are too short to box with god so... you got work to do.

2

Religion requires belief in a divine power. Unless you have a shrine to Richard Dawkins set up in your bedroom, he's wrong about atheism being your religion. Theism and atheism are both beliefs, but only theism is religion.

It's saddening that, in this day and age, religious differences still have the power to put an otherwise decent relationship in jeopardy. But it sounds like you're going to have to find a way to agree to disagree if you want this to work. Maybe some topics need to be off limits.

Liked your comment. BTW, I could set up a shrine to Dawkins? I'm on it!

1

To someone with Religion I believe Atheism appears to be our religion. We are taking the opposite view from them - so it must be Religion! Nope it isn't. But it's the sort of double think I'm familiar with from growing up Roman Catholic. - Also we can be pretty fervent about our non-belief.

1

Just a comment here. Being atheist and waving around the blank flag, can be just as annoying as any other zealous actions. Being anti-gods is an active activity.
Why not just let it slide. Talk about other stuff, leave her to her beliefs and you focus on finding positive vibes to make both your lives better?

3

Ditch! Now!! Unless y’all get off on arguing and fighting, you’re just in for misery or least disdain. I require intelligence, not a drone following false nonsense and ritual. I got lucky, extremely lucky, finding my girl, though I wouldn’t settle for less. I’d rather die alone than with some corrupted mind.

2

I dated a born again christian and apparently I was able to get her to reconsider her beliefs. All I did was be myself and supported her belief, I never told her she was wrong or disparaged her belief. Now I never attended church or any functions with her but I also didn't stop her from attending them either.
Let him come to around on his own the last thing you need is to drive him away. If he doesn't come around that's his problem. It is possible to make a relationship work as long as you respect each others beliefs.

That is wonderful, ...when it works. There are just no guarantees. How long someone is willing to wait is the question.
In my experience, I tried for the reason you just gave. But it became apparent after a little while that neither of us was looking, nor likely, to change our beliefs to align with the other. If the other person starts disparaging your books you read or your social media choice of expression, that is a BAD sign that you are not going to be able to live in mutual respect. Time to get out.

1

I may be old, but I am young in gay experience. I dated one guy, several months. He pursued me, and I let him know I found him attractive. Well, he was devout Roman Catholic, always going to confession and telling me about his discussions with his confessor, who, naturally, as a Catholic priest, was telling this guy to be celibate. I can respect people with different spiritual viewpoints, and see that they have some insights, too. But a romantic partner is another matter. I don't agree with the advice to agree not to talk about beliefs. They are fundamental to our identities. Some people can do it, but I question how well they actually relate to their partners. Might as well agree to wear duct tape over your mouth on dates. It doesn't work in the long run.

1

I loved catholic girls when I was young they did anything and everything.....I'm going to shut up now.

I hope you can work it out, as much as I love my wife of 20 years, it is still very difficult to deal with her believing that she should believe, even though she doesn't really believe in god but can't admit it. It does often cause a strain on our relationship.

2

As a man who's dated his share of Christian men, these things don't tend to end well. I wish there was a more gentle way to say that, but there isn't. Whatever debate you have with him is also with his family, his pastor, and his god. And that's a difficult conversation to have. He's literally arguing for his 'eternal soul,' and the fear that goes along with that is almost paralyzing.

Great insight.

2

You need to have an honest talk with this person. Are they going to continue attacking you for your beliefs (or lack thereof), or do they consider God to be too important a factor in a relationship? If you can come to a compromise (I won't attack you for your religion/choice of religious literature, so don't attack me) then you might be able to work something out, but it seems off to a rocky start- as you both seem passionate about diametrically opposed topics.

1

if you love him let him be who he is and try to make a pact with him that neither of you will get in each others face about the subject of religion - And yes it is ridiculous to say that atheism is a religion its true meaning as a word is 'A" =(without) _Theism = god - so Atheism is being without a god just as; Theism is being with a god.

0

This sounds like it was doomed from the beginning..............you can't change a person......EVER! Get out while you can still be civil to each other. While the "chase" is always exciting, being "captured" by someone who is incompatible will only end in heartache and ill will. There are men out there who will accept your (non)beliefs, and not get angry at your reading material. Good luck!

0

Conflicting ideas like that can be tough to overcome. Both parties need to be willing to understand each-other

1

Probably not a happy ending. The person you're dating seems very sensitive about their religion. If love can conquer all and truly open discussion needs to take place. IMO

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