So..here is my question, Why is waiting till marriage for sex so odd to people? Why is it not respected?
I think it is an unrealistic and unhealthy way of living, and I believe it stems from a patriarchal, religious viewpoint of sexuality that somehow equates it to something evil, negative, or morally bankrupt. I believe sex is natural, positive, beautiful, and between consenting partners, there is no reason to hold back.
Hmmmm... not sure if it is not respected. I think it is just that it is no longer revered.
It seems to me that it is rational to see if you are sexually compatible with the person whom you are going to be monogamously married, BEFORE you are married.
By not choosing do so, it appears to elevate sex and marriage into somethings that they are not.
My 2 cents...
Waiting for sex until marriage is a antiquated religious belief. Guilt about sex inhibits people and can turn into sexual incompatibility.
I married a former Catholic. He was inhibited and had a low sex drive. Like the saying goes, "Once a Catholic, always guilty."
Catholicism definitely teaches people to feel guilty.
It’s your choice. Why would anyone know you had made this choice unless you were verbal about it or proselytizing.
That being said, sexual compatibility is incredibly important in the success of a marriage. I truly believe in marriage but I would not commit to someone I have no shared passion with.
Well said. ?
It's up to the individual.
If you, or anyone else, want to wait until marriage to have sex, that's your choice.
If other people don't agree with your choice, why would you let that bother you?
Personally, I would never marry anyone I hadn't had sex with first.
Then again, I have no use for marriage and believe it's an antiquated and
unnecessary legal contract.
There's nothing "sacred" about sex. There's nothing "sacred" about marriage either.
But that's just my opinion of both.
You do you.
There are some cultures where sex before marrage is required. And there are others where failure to prove virginity when married is a death sentence. But always the scrutiny and penalty are on the female. So pick your favorite brand of misogyny. In reality it's all arbitrary and means nothing.
I think it's the biggest religious setup. You can't have sex until you're married, then you can't have sex with anyone else and also it's a sin and puts a curse on you to get divorced.
Sounds like a major setup for unfulfilled sex lives. At least know you're compatible before saying, this is it until I die...
i respect people who choose to wait, it just wouldn't be me, nor my spouse
I don't believe Marriage has anything to do with sexuality. Sex is a primal instinct for survival of the species...Marriage is a commitment through Ritual. Sex can be assumed with Marriage(unless it is some strange arrangement) but Marriage can not be assumed with Sex.
Sex before Marriage I feel is necessary as any emotional or physical issues can be dealt with before one "Ties the knot".
It seems to me anyone who feels Marriage before Sex is important has a real problem with Sex and they are using the "Marriage Clause" as a mask for deeper issues...JMHO...Namaste
Just my random stream-of-consciousness on the topic:
Well said. Thank you!
I respect choice, including the choice to "wait until marriage".
I no longer believe, as I once did, that this is best, particularly for older adults. Even for youngsters, it's not so much a question of waiting for marriage as not complicating your life with powerful mojo that you're not ready to handle with any skill. It's really about waiting in general not just for sex but for romance until you have the mental and emotional maturity and self-knowledge and perspective and experience to properly deal with it -- not to mention the money to step up to the plate with should it result in a long term relationship and probably children.
Although there's also a place for responsible (protected) sex in learning the ropes, even for the young. I don't pretend to be able to second-guess each individual's abilities and needs and tell them how to conduct themselves.
But I certainly respect if someone freely chooses to go that route and frame it in that particular way.
Even more strange is the fact that marriage is nearly the only contract you enter into, in which most of the people entering it have no say in the writing of its terms, because they are dictated by the church/state. And this is doubly odd, because it is perhaps the most personal of all contracts.
To add to that it's that only contract where one party can breach it but the other person gets punished. My ex wife cheated multiple times then left to be with her step brother (you read that right). Yet I got punished by the state. No other contract allows that.
I think it's strange to wait until marriage to have sex. There has to be sexual compatibility in a relationship. You don't want to wait until after you're married to find out he's got a micro penis or find out there will be issues with intimacy. Unless you're both so old that it doesn't matter, but if you're both young enough to where you should feel sexual pleasure, (which is important and healthy in a relationship) I personally, would not wait until after marriage to have sex with someone with whom I want a long-term relationship with. Most experts you ask will tell you that sexual compatibility is needed for a healthy and long-term relationship, whether it's marriage or not. Sexual incompatibility in a marriage can lead to divorce.
You know, the headline of this thread - "Is this taboo?" - implied something far raunchier than not waiting for the completion of an arbitrary ritual before bumping uglies. Some people would call that false advertising. Just sayin'...
In any case, sex is a big and important part of a relationship. When you're about to commit to someone - arguably for the rest of your life - physical compatibility plays a huge role
Why? don't you think it could be, bait & switch???
There is no way I would marry a man I haven’t had sex with.. what if he is terrible at it?? Then you have committed yourself to a lifetime of horrible sex?? Nope.. nope.. I am not saying to have sex with someone when you first meet them but come on!! You are marrying him so you must love him.. sex is love!!
Yes,a "Test Drive" if you will,As you mentioned,marry and find out it's painful,or horrible, but you took the vows, heck of a choice...
I tend to disagree with you on the "sex is love" angle there.
Personally, I think that actual LOVE comes before the Sexual Intercourse side of things and that sex is the culmination of such love.
Take for example, Prostitution, sex is not a part of love there nor is it really a part of the act of rape where sex is the vile, brutal manner in which the rapist exhibits his/her ' power' over the victim.
@Triphid ...obviously rape and prostitutes don’t count as “love”.. And I realize that a monogamous marriage/relationship can’t be based on sex exclusively.. I enjoy expressing my love in sexual ways.. if you want to do it differently, that is your prerogative.. still imma fuck him before I marry him...
Well, how do you mean this, exactly? Do you mean NO sex at all until you are married? Or no sex with a person you are engaged to until you're married? If it's absolute zero sex until marriage, this is a religiously based construct. It foists unearned guilt on both parties. I think if two consenting adults wanna go at it, they should.
and they will.
Your virginity is nothing special. "Waiting" is a christian construct. Marrage is just a legal state. If you think you need that, you are being shaped without you knowing it. Geez I hope you are at least familiar with your own body (Psssst I mean masturbating.)