Sexual incompatibilty is huge gamble to take.

I think it is an unrealistic and unhealthy way of living, and I believe it stems from a patriarchal, religious viewpoint of sexuality that somehow equates it to something evil, negative, or morally bankrupt. I believe sex is natural, positive, beautiful, and between consenting partners, there is no reason to hold back.

Hmmmm... not sure if it is not respected. I think it is just that it is no longer revered.

It seems to me that it is rational to see if you are sexually compatible with the person whom you are going to be monogamously married, BEFORE you are married.

By not choosing do so, it appears to elevate sex and marriage into somethings that they are not.

My 2 cents...

Waiting for sex until marriage is a antiquated religious belief. Guilt about sex inhibits people and can turn into sexual incompatibility.

I married a former Catholic. He was inhibited and had a low sex drive. Like the saying goes, "Once a Catholic, always guilty."

It’s your choice. Why would anyone know you had made this choice unless you were verbal about it or proselytizing.
That being said, sexual compatibility is incredibly important in the success of a marriage. I truly believe in marriage but I would not commit to someone I have no shared passion with.

It's up to the individual.
If you, or anyone else, want to wait until marriage to have sex, that's your choice.
If other people don't agree with your choice, why would you let that bother you?

Personally, I would never marry anyone I hadn't had sex with first.
Then again, I have no use for marriage and believe it's an antiquated and
unnecessary legal contract.

There's nothing "sacred" about sex. There's nothing "sacred" about marriage either.
But that's just my opinion of both.
You do you.

There are some cultures where sex before marrage is required. And there are others where failure to prove virginity when married is a death sentence. But always the scrutiny and penalty are on the female. So pick your favorite brand of misogyny. In reality it's all arbitrary and means nothing.

I don't understand what might be gained by waiting. Do you get a gold star or something? I would never marry someone I didn't have sex with.

However..if you have never had sex before ..you won't know if it crap!

I think anyone contemplating marriage should live together for at least a year. Intimacy is a major part of being compatible with a life partnership. Whether others "respect" your life choices is irrelevant. Do whats right for you & your other.

It is odd because you are waiting for the state to give you a piece of paper authorizing you to have sex.

When a consenting adult has sex it is a personal choice and does not need the consent or respect of the masses. Look in the mirror, that is the only person you need to respect everyone else has to earn it. Make choices that are good for you.

I think it's the biggest religious setup. You can't have sex until you're married, then you can't have sex with anyone else and also it's a sin and puts a curse on you to get divorced.
Sounds like a major setup for unfulfilled sex lives. At least know you're compatible before saying, this is it until I die...

i respect people who choose to wait, it just wouldn't be me, nor my spouse

I don't believe Marriage has anything to do with sexuality. Sex is a primal instinct for survival of the species...Marriage is a commitment through Ritual. Sex can be assumed with Marriage(unless it is some strange arrangement) but Marriage can not be assumed with Sex.
Sex before Marriage I feel is necessary as any emotional or physical issues can be dealt with before one "Ties the knot".
It seems to me anyone who feels Marriage before Sex is important has a real problem with Sex and they are using the "Marriage Clause" as a mask for deeper issues...JMHO...Namaste

Just my random stream-of-consciousness on the topic:

• What you do and decide for yourself, so long as it doesn't affect anyone else, is your own business.
• Most people won't know about your decision or make a big deal out of it unless you tell them and/or make a big deal out of it.
• Your romantic partners might have an opinion, of course, as this directly affects them.
• Most people in the U.S. no longer adhere to the notion that one should remain a virgin until marriage; even religious people have largely disregarded that practice.
• Are people truly disrespecting this decision, or do they just disagree with it? Disagreeing that sexual activity before marriage is somehow wrong doesn't mean they disrespect others' right to decide that for themselves.
• One reason people disagree with it is that there's a stigma that being sexual makes one impure, especially in regard to women.
• Virginity thousands of years ago was considered a husband's right, ownership of his bride, but not for reasons of love. It was always about property, and women were (and in many places still are) considered the property of men. A man gave away his daughter to another man, and it was often in exchange for something of value (e.g., land, farm animals). It was basically a human sale.
• In more modern times, the moral implications have been imposed on sexuality beyond mere property transactions. During the Middle Ages, dualism became a key part of Christian theology and everything of the flesh was considered to be of the Devil — so food and drink and sex were considered evils, to be taken only insofar as they staved off death or resulted in more souls to be saved. Puritanical views that formed much of the U.S. are derived from this notion of sexual morality, though somewhat relaxed in terms of it being okay within the context of marriage.
• Despite the moral imposition around sexual activity, these rules applied mostly to women. Although people didn't talk about sex a whole lot, sexual purity was considered important for women but not so much for men. Fidelity, for instance, wasn't expected of men until sometime in the 20th century (but I forget which decade that started to become the norm).
• When people married very young, waiting till marriage to have sex was easy because the wait wasn't very long. As people started to plan their futures, delay having families, focus on education and career, it wasn't practical to deny sexuality for a couple of decades past sexual maturity.
• The more strict Christian denominations advocate for chastity until marriage, and men and women alike have come forward with stories of genuine trauma about how difficult it was: resisting the temptation alone is difficult, but the real problem for many comes on the wedding night when there's extreme anxiety, performance difficulties, physical pain, outright shame. These aren't isolated occurrences, but so many women and men are too ashamed — having been told for their entire lives that sex would be glorious if only they wait — to discuss their sexual problems, thinking it's an indication of failure or sin or some other negativity.
• I've rarely heard anyone openly discuss their plans to remain chaste until marriage, but in the few cases there's been a certain arrogance and judgement from the person espousing such values that can be off-putting. When someone says, "I'm saving myself for marriage," there's often an undertone of, "and that makes me a better person." A lot of people push back against that, and against the notion that not being a virgin on one's wedding night is somehow less moral. Despite the looser sexual views regarding premarital sex, there's still a great deal of slut shaming that takes place, and women in particular are held to this standard that sex shouldn't be for pleasure or taken lightly. But I've also heard negative things said about men who are "man whores," even from some of my friends. There's a lot of judgement about how many people one has sex with, or how casually, etc.

I respect choice, including the choice to "wait until marriage".

I no longer believe, as I once did, that this is best, particularly for older adults. Even for youngsters, it's not so much a question of waiting for marriage as not complicating your life with powerful mojo that you're not ready to handle with any skill. It's really about waiting in general not just for sex but for romance until you have the mental and emotional maturity and self-knowledge and perspective and experience to properly deal with it -- not to mention the money to step up to the plate with should it result in a long term relationship and probably children.

Although there's also a place for responsible (protected) sex in learning the ropes, even for the young. I don't pretend to be able to second-guess each individual's abilities and needs and tell them how to conduct themselves.

But I certainly respect if someone freely chooses to go that route and frame it in that particular way.

Even more strange is the fact that marriage is nearly the only contract you enter into, in which most of the people entering it have no say in the writing of its terms, because they are dictated by the church/state. And this is doubly odd, because it is perhaps the most personal of all contracts.

I think it's strange to wait until marriage to have sex. There has to be sexual compatibility in a relationship. You don't want to wait until after you're married to find out he's got a micro penis or find out there will be issues with intimacy. Unless you're both so old that it doesn't matter, but if you're both young enough to where you should feel sexual pleasure, (which is important and healthy in a relationship) I personally, would not wait until after marriage to have sex with someone with whom I want a long-term relationship with. Most experts you ask will tell you that sexual compatibility is needed for a healthy and long-term relationship, whether it's marriage or not. Sexual incompatibility in a marriage can lead to divorce.

You know, the headline of this thread - "Is this taboo?" - implied something far raunchier than not waiting for the completion of an arbitrary ritual before bumping uglies. Some people would call that false advertising. Just sayin'...

In any case, sex is a big and important part of a relationship. When you're about to commit to someone - arguably for the rest of your life - physical compatibility plays a huge role

There is no way I would marry a man I haven’t had sex with.. what if he is terrible at it?? Then you have committed yourself to a lifetime of horrible sex?? Nope.. nope.. I am not saying to have sex with someone when you first meet them but come on!! You are marrying him so you must love him.. sex is love!!

Well, how do you mean this, exactly? Do you mean NO sex at all until you are married? Or no sex with a person you are engaged to until you're married? If it's absolute zero sex until marriage, this is a religiously based construct. It foists unearned guilt on both parties. I think if two consenting adults wanna go at it, they should.

Not sure if it’s taboo, but it’s definitely unwise. Unwise to commit to someone without knowing if you’re even sexual compatible. If you’re planning to share a bed with one person for the rest of your life, maybe first check to see if you enjoy it.

Your virginity is nothing special. "Waiting" is a christian construct. Marrage is just a legal state. If you think you need that, you are being shaped without you knowing it. Geez I hope you are at least familiar with your own body (Psssst I mean masturbating.)

I agree with everyone else so far, can't think of much reason for it other than religious idealization. The religious zeal for controlling why and when people are allowed to have sex is completely beyond the pale for mental health normalcy. Ive never slept around or rushed into sex at the first part of a relationship but I can't think of a good reason to rule it out. I generally don't have sex if Im not in love, and thats a more sensitive approach than is morally necessary too, Im just not that type of gal Im especially old fashioned for a heathen deviant though and to each their own. However fast or slow a couple wants to take it mutually is fine. Im sure theres something to be said about the intense anticipation but to me it seems like most peoples first time is pretty shitty so thats usually gonna set you up for disappointment on the honeymoon. Id wanna be at least somewhat good at it by then. Virginity doesnt have as many advantages as experience by any metric.