My husband died suddenly when my kids were aged 7 4 3 and 1. I told them Dad had gone to heaven and one day we would see him again. At that age they all still believed in Santa claus. The fairy tale was reinforced for the eldest who was at Catholic school where the children and teacher supported my son and they lit a candle and said a prayer. not much different from sitting on santa's lap at the mall and it gave my son some comfort.

I recall a few yrs later my eldest asking if I really did believe in god and heaven and stuff. I told him no and why. He told me he didn't believe it either. He did NOT accuse me of lying to him as a seven yr old.

All grown now, youngest 20, none of my sons believe in god and no longer believe in santa either. Regardless of anyone's opinion here I did the best I could under a devastating situation. I was in no head space to describle the Big Bang.

It's not a problem unless you really suck at talking to kids.

Depends on how old and sensitive they are.

I would test the waters by telling them what other people believe. Reincarnation, Heaven, hauntings, etc. and let them pick whichever they feel most comfortable with until they are old enough to have a more serious talk.

Nightmares are a part of life. And if they have them, a few weeks of not dying will soon see them distracted by something less grim.

Good question....think with young children the whole heaven thing is handy .Giving them the ..I know ..false belief ..that when you die ..there is something/ somewhere..good that you..or a pet goes too. Attempting to instill the finality of nothingness ..is way too harsh when a child is trying to get their head around loss..and the grieving process .I realise this is a "cop out " but bereavement has to be handled sensitively as ultimately it will impact upon how they deal with loss ..in later life .

Santa is dead ...# doesn't exist. .Come on ..!!!

No presents this year kids ..cos God doesnt exist .Not maybe the answer I should be giving ..but it 's as sanitized as I can put it without destroying a childhood fantasy ...

My 8yo was really bothered about it for a full year or so, beginning around age 6. I was very honest with him but I also got some books for us to read together ( You are Stardust, etc) and I told him that death is rather poetic, in my opinion. We came from stardust and when we die every atom in our body is recycled back into the universe. We transform into oblivion.

I had a terrible time with my daughter! She would be sitting there playing with her toys, around age 3 or 4, then suddenly stop playing & wail "I don't want to die!" It was so awful--I felt utterly helpless as I don't want to either!

I tried a few approaches--telling her about different ideas that people have about death & what, if anything, happens next. & I tried to make it sound like a normal part of life that is supposed to happen with every living thing, so it must be right. I was kind of going for a sense of completion...trying to be somewhat positive. I would point out a dead animal or insect & say "It was all done being a butterfly" or whatever it was. But I would also say that the squirrel or possum wasn't being careful crossing the road & didn't get to finish living...

The eventual outcome (like after 2 very distressing years) was, I think, that between hearing about the idea of reincarnation as one option & my choice of words regarding bugs being "all done being bugs" was that she decided she would be reincarnated as some sort of animal. One kind of funny story--we were crossing the street & I said we needed to be careful not to be run over, & she rather too enthusiastically said "And then I can be a lion!!" Rather taken aback, I said that we were vegetarian & she'd have to eat dead animals if she were a lion. Her reply: "But I would have a lion mouth!"

I guess I bumbled my way through--she's not locked away in a mental institution some where. She seems happy, capable & self confident, & she hiked the Appalachian Trail by herself in one season when she was 20.

It's not really that difficult - they get the concept of death - most kids have killed a bug or two in their lifetime. It's how to deal with loss following the death of a loved one that they'll likely need help with.

My son has SPD so I was curious when this day came of the questions about death and dying how would I respond. I ended up doing what my mom did with me. I asked him what he thought. It gave him the space to unpack what his then 7 year old mind was exploring. He then asked what I thought. I was careful not to push what I thought onto him by simply taking ownership and saying it’s okay to have his own thoughts and opinions. He actually takes the death of animals harder than people so far. Except as a now teen he talked about suicidal thoughts. Each time we come to this deep and vulnerable place I notice he needs to unload, purge, and unpack. And I go through this process with him as often as I can. He’s never had nightmares or depression from these discussions but it’s often helped his anxiety to feel free to unleash his thoughts in a safe place. Also I’ve never hidden death from him. He’s been to human/animal funerals/vets. And since he rescues animals daily he’s been exposed to the cycle of life. And we often talk about the pets we’ve lost and miss. We lost two cats last year.

The Death of a beloved pet is probably the best teaching tool, most Dogs have about 12 years(some exceptions,but usually small Dogs,live longer),Cats can vary,breed, and environment play a factor in their lifespan.

..at their speed…

My family leads a science-based life, we belief in what we can see, prove, recreate, etc. And sometimes the best examples are harsh or sad. I am a dog breeder, so my children grew up seeing life, reproduction, and death. It is what it is.

When children are young enough to grasp some concepts, explanations don't need to be lengthy, just factual and offered in a kind tone. Occasionally <ahem> Mother Nature is a bitch, and sometimes a bitch (female dog) gives birth to puppies that do not survive. If, after attempts to resuscitate a puppy fail, then it is an opportune time to explain that not all living things live long lives, and sometimes they stop living, hence death. Not all puppies (or people or whatever) live, and that gives us another opportunity - and that is to more fully appreciate the living!

Death IS part of life, and seeing it first hand helps acceptance. Another part of life was always that the children insisted that we bury the dead puppy (or the ashes of elderly pets who had died), and planting something over the 'grave'. No ceremony, maybe some tears for the loss of a potential pet, and then on to the next thing. In addition to seeing puppies being born (which is a smelly and messy situation) my children have also seen dogs being bred, and that is just another factual aspect of life and related subjects! My now-adult children have a healthy respect and understanding of life.

Get a hamster, mouse, or a rat. Rats are really affectionate and super smart.They make great pets, but you can't just put them in a cage by themselves all day. It would drive them nuts. They are social. But they only live 2 years, so you get the big bonding and friendship, but then they are gone. So kids learn about death, and how it's in store for us.

Honestly and to the best of your ability.
My children who are 5,5, & 4 have a basic understanding of what death of others means. They haven't asked the what happens after death question. When thry do I will tell them the truth. We don't honestly know. Many faiths have different ideas but science would say nothing.

Flat out to tha point

I think it would be hard to explain to a child that once we die, we are gone forever. Kind of like before we were born. We have no memory of it, and once we die, we cease to exist. It's pretty final.

I explained death from the time they could talk. Like when a pet or family member or friend dies. We had funerals for pets. Whether you talk about it or not they will hear about it. I tell them they can believe in heaven if they like but it doesn't exist, or at least I don't believe it. My mom thought it was harsh. She's Catholic, but I said heaven is a fantasy and no good for people to dream about. It just lets people think that there is in some way another life after death. A perfect life in the clouds or reincarnation is not ideal fantasies for avoiding suicide. Especially after I got diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. My son has been in counselling recently, because even though I survived, it probably affected him. Hell just makes everyone worry too. That can cause children unnecessary anxiety. I tell them live life and make the most of it, because when it ends, you feel nothing and think nothing. For old and sick people, I remind my kids that their pain has ended. Your soul, heart and brain dies with the body. You remember your loved ones and their memory lives in your heart. Some people die too young, a kid at my son's school had cancer. Some people are lucky and are born with good health and if they take care they can live a long time. Life is hard, but the struggles help you appeciate the good times. That's 15 year's worth of talking a death with my babies. Thank goodness. It works for me. Good luck to you.

To add to this question. How does on discuss it when you both have delt with suicidal ideation and grasping the whole this life is pointless anyway and we all just die attitude? How do I discuss death and give life purpose to a kid who struggles with staying alive?

Perhaps the best(if there is a best way) is to have a pet,a Dog or Cat. Dogs live usually 12 years or so,some longer if the smaller breeds,Cats,depending on their health and outdoor or inside Cat, makes a big difference. As in all living animals(us included) there will come a time when life comes to an end,if the child is older,by then,he or she will have heard or witnessed death of relatives or pets,so a loss,though painful will be a teaching moment.

At a young age where he is loving life an everything in it, I essentially told him everything he loved would some day disappear. Be taken away. It pretty much sucks.

I always figured it out with pets mum and dad would explain what happened to the goldfish,cat,dog or what ever and dad was a catholic so he said they had there own place in heaven but I soon figured out dead was dead