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When to write a man off?

I waffle on this a lot having just re-entered the dating world about a year ago. You have a solid first date. Then radio silence. What’s an acceptable amount of time to give him? What’s an acceptable amount of time before you cross him off the list as a non-starter?

For context: no, I’m not waiting by the phone. I’ve had men text that night and had men vanish for 6 weeks and resurface. And I am dating around plenty. So, this is not a pity party. It’s... for science.
#ididntdateinhighschool

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brainyactress 7 Dec 4
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44 comments (26 - 44)

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1

Park outside his home .... ???? seriously, if you think the date was worth follow-up contact, and he is silent, take the initiative. But, i wouldn't give more than one chance to get on same page. You'll miss out on something good chasing after something that's not mutually exciting.

1

When he shows you who he really is on the inside, believe him. I wish I had followed this advice in the past!

Kat Level 5 Dec 7, 2018

Ya live and sometimes learn! ?

1

Since I haven't been on a date for almost two years, I'm just here for the comments and reactions on others deal with 'the date'.

1

I would give the benefit of the doubt for a day or two, things happen, phones break, etc... Three days is good to me, I typically girls I'm dating on the daily, myself.

1

I guess I’m actually curious as to what they say the reason is if/when they resurfaced. Maybe they’re clueless too.

Essie Level 6 Dec 4, 2018
1

I love the voting choices. Hilarious! Three days sounds okay. If it seemed like there was an encouraging spark, but then no contact after three days, I might feel a twinge of mild disappointment, but no harm done. So many times I have crossed my own threshold after a date thinking "I hope he loses my number..."

Deb57 Level 8 Dec 4, 2018
1

If I really like him, I'd call him up. Let him know you care. If he chooses not to call back or make contact, let go.

Since you're dating around plenty, it shouldn't bother you.

No, I agree. It’s just between scheduling and kids and work, I almost need a spreadsheet to keep up with the people in my life. Those spaces are valuable. Just figuring out the sweet spot for who gets my psychic energy and who gets deleted. There seems to be no in between.

@brainyactress Is there any reason to think a guy isn't just as short on time? We never really know what's going on in someone's life, sometimes even if we're in daily contact.

@bingst ??‍♀️ S’why I’m asking.

@PalacinkyPDX That applies to both parties. And the time factor alone isn't the only thing involved.

1

or... just drop a text... Is that so difficult?

You’d think not but as much as I hate to admit it, men hate it. I wish they didn’t.

@brainyactress Really? Just a "Hi, the night was nice, thank you."?

@Pedrohbds Again, I wish it weren’t true. I made those sentiments known as we parted. As did he.

1

People do get distracted but a date should be concluded with some mutual time for next date....if neither asked for a next time it's not a man or woman science question. ...if the good date was Friday then s/he must call by Thorsday ....nobody should be left hanging without a plan next weekend

1

Re: Radio Silence. Why is it his responsibility to call you? If you are interested, call him and express an interest.

Because he said he was going to and as much as I hate it, the slightest pursuit of a man before six dates always marks a lady as “not serious material.”

@brainyactress I must have missed that when I read the "Mandatory Rules of Dating Handbook".

@dahermit I used to pursue men whenever I wanted. Men have taught me not to. And, there’s a whole industry re: those dating books.

1

Would you contact him? And if not why not?

Because he said he was going to and as much as I hate it, the slightest pursuit of a man before six dates always marks a lady as “not serious material.”

@brainyactress I wouldn't mind a mild pursuit by a woman, but I guess that means I'm not a typical man. At the same time, I don't lie or play games so if I said I would send my phone number I would have done so within 24 hours after the date. How much time has passed since this first date? I agree with the other poster that until I actually see someone the second time it's best to have little or no expectations that the second meeting or date is going to happen no matter what was said in person the last time because women often say they want to see a man again to avoid confrontation or embarrassment of being put on the spot. I also agree with the other poster that nowadays it's so hard to read many people on a date as to how it went or was going, so many guys do assume the date went not that well until they hear otherwise from the woman or see her again. As someone posted in another thread, dating is really hard these days partly because so many women never let their guard down so it's not always easy to read them on dates.

My vote for dropping interest in him is not hearing anything for three days. Has it already been that long? If he contacts you in a week, my vote would be let him go no matter what reasons he gives for the delay since he would probably be lying about the cause and was clearly not as into you as you had been into him.

0

The world moves fast. If you're keen and wait 3 days you're gonna lose your turn. A lot.

0

Although the park outside his house is understandable...?

0

You're instincts should tell you so trust them, just don't over think it 🙂

0

As a terrible communicator myself, I lean toward a week to 10 days.

0

Join 2018 and call him if you're interested...if he's not you'll be able to tell. If you're both "dating around plenty" then he probably has other dates.

lerlo Level 8 Dec 5, 2018

I’ve been forward with men all my life. They have taught me it’s a terrible idea. But thanks.

@brainyactress Sorry you endured that--must be the egos of those guys. Knowing the woman is interested takes all the pressure off. Seems odd that you're not allowed to show your interest. Of course if they are threatened by that, they aren't the guy for you.

0

One date? I'd follow up in a few days, say something like "I had a nice time, let's get together again." It would also depend on the type of communication I had before I met them. If it wasn't a whole lot or very light I'd probably just let it go. But if we had been emailing/messaging/talking with each other in ways that felt more personal, and then if I didn't hear from them after meeting, I'd be thinking, "what gives?" and be more concerned that they couldn't at least write me back and tell me they're not interested.

0

After you depreciate them down to scrap.
Standard time frame for reporting purposes is 5 years.
😉

?

0

Watch the movie, "He's just not into you" and believe what the male lead actor is saying! Ignore the contrived ending.

I can’t watch Greg whatsisname rip off others and then try to act... Oy. But your point is taken.

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