Is it accurate?
I get on this site daily and one of the most consistent statements I read is " I am a loner or I need company or somone to talk to". This has been said even before the holiday season.
Is the statement accurate and how do we combat the solitude.
As a man if I were to walk up to any person no matter the sex. I would come off as a creep. I could go on with examples. But would rather here insight all of you. Hit me with your words people.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Well, here where I live, we have an ages old tradition of sorts where you can say Hello/G'day to a complete stranger and usually get a reply like, " How are you mate," or " G'day, bloody hot/cold ( depending on the season) weather we've been having but I'm going okay, how about you," etc. etc, BUT sadly that 'tradition' seems only to have survived around here, in the cities they seem about as friendly as a Pox Doctors Clerk at a Prostitutes Convention.
Triphid
Level 9
Dec 21, 2018
0
people who want someone to talk to may still not be naive enough not to be suspicious of a stranger walking up to them. that is not how to alleviate someone's loneliness lol. i think you know that. shy people need a context for communication. my dad was shy. when he and mom got old, they decided to sell stuff at a flea market. she took the indoor shop and he had a table outside, where he sold watches. this gave him a context -- he could greet people and make small talk, and i think it alleviated the loneliness that often accompanies shyness. solution, from the outside? want to help a lonely person? that person may be suspicious of a private message out of the blue, but if you see someone whose profile says they're lonely, find where they've posted, and you post too, honestly, whatever it is you honestly think about the topic. if you are of like minds, you can respond directly to that person's comment. after some time, you may feel as if you know each other better.
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genessa
Level 8
Dec 21, 2018
1
Great insight into a possible solution.
I refuse to be lonely. If I am feeling under socialized, I get out and go meet people. That said, I am quite outgoing, and have built a large circle of friends. But, I also have much higher social needs than a less extroverted person (I call myself a human puppy), which means if I'm not getting my people'ing fix from lots of sources I tend to burn some people out.
I will say that men talk to me all of the time in a way that isn't creepy. I don't think you can let yourself off of the hook that easy...
Minta79
Level 7
Dec 21, 2018
0
You are fortunate to not ever be lonely. Not everyone can say that.
@Wildflower I'm not saying I never feel lonely. I'm saying I refuse to allow it to become a state of being. I feel lonely often. I have very high social interaction needs. It isn't luck or good fortune that built my social circle. I did that. It was a conscious decision that took a lot of effort and going out of my comfort zone.
@Minta79 That's great that you've been able to do that.
Thank you just not in my nature to just speak to anyone.
@Mokvon you really either have to force yourself out of your comfort zone, or learn to be content with limited human interaction. I can't be content with limited human interaction, so I forced myself out of my comfort zone. If you find that you require a pretext for conversation, maybe try a part time job?
@Minta79 I'm sorry, but it's not always just forcing yourself out of your comfort zone. You give a very simple solution to an often complex problem, force yourself or live with it. What worked for you may not work for others. Often it takes a great deal of hard work to process through deep issues.
@Wildflower and you propose what?
@Minta79 well, as an MSW/therapist I know there are deeper issues that prevent people from being social. One cannot apply 1 or 2 solutions to all. Some people cannot just "force" themselves to do something. And your other alternative to just "accept" what is implies that someone should just give up. As all life issues, this is not just black and white and we need to look deeper into the problem. So, I would "propose" to look into your individual issues and not listen to those who think they know all the answers to your problems.
Build friendships out of similar interests and hobbies. Focus on that and you'll find friendships.
mattersauce
Level 7
Dec 21, 2018
0
Even that is not always easy to do. For shy or socially anxious people it's near impossible to go to events or groups alone to meet others.
@Wildflower There are sites such as meetup.com where you can find events that are specifcially designed to bring people together over similar interests. There are vacation sites such as flashpack.com for single adults to take solo vacations in groups. Meeting people isn't simple but if your anxiety is so severe you can't join in on outings specifically designed to bring people together, and this makes you significantly unhappy, you may want to consider speaking to a therapist.
@mattersauce Yes, as a therapist I recommend that often to my clients. Speaking as a person with social anxiety it is difficult to get over.
I grew up lonely in a family of eight people. For me, it was the nagging conviction that I was different, weird, unwanted, and all of that was internalized. This belief feeds upon itself. As an adult, it is a constant struggle to avoid that continuing to be my default setting.
pasha-one-nine
Level 7
Dec 21, 2018
1
Eight and still lonely. That is rough. How did fill your time?
I grew up with 6 siblings and always felt lonely, disconnected, and different. The default can stay with you. Takes a lot of work to free yourself of that. I've worked hard at it.
I am a loner and an introvert and prefer to be by myself most of the time, but I enjoy spending time with a woman when I have the opportunity to do so, which isn't very often. As far as "people" in general go, I can only take so much of them and my fuse is very short.
jlynn37
Level 8
Dec 21, 2018
0
We are more in touch than ever before, and yet - more lonely. People of all ages, and in all situations. Fear, and divisive judgmental thinking seems to be at the root of it. Distrust of strangers. Suspicion of motive. Too much online interaction (yeah, here I am), and not enough real face-to-face.
Many retreating to their "safe" place - alone. The more one does that ... the more one does that.
No simple cure either !
evergreen
Level 8
Dec 21, 2018
4
That may happen but it all depends on how you would do it. You will be surprise how many lonely people there are out there. Even people who have families and "friends". It is a huge problem in the western world.
Jolanta
Level 9
Dec 21, 2018
2
I have no doubt but my interest is why? What are possible solutions used.
Based on the relationship advice on youtube and elsewhere, lonely people from all walks of life, married and otherwise.
@Mokvon Once upon a time we lived in close communities but all that is no longer. I think perhaps some people are drawn to sects for that reason too. They have that togetherness feeling. All these gadgets have made us more "self-sufficient" to our own detriment. The solution is to start your own community. Start with things that interest you. Likeminded people will come. It will not be easy but is doable.
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