I reserve the right to speak ill of anyone, regardless of their vitality status.

The dead literally do not care what you say about them.

The living do.

Yet another reason to avoid funerals, and other death rituals.
If you were an asshole when you were alive, I'm not going to say you weren't just because
you're dead.

Being dead doesn't change my opinion of you. ...However, I do try to be sensitive when others are grieving and not speak ill of their loved one if I can help it. And if I liked and cared for the person, I won't speak ill of them after they've passed. That's just an asshole thing to do.

Perhaps it’s more about making things easier on the living.

For me, it’s about consideration for the friends and family. It just seems cruel and rude to disparage the recently deceased when their loved ones are still grieving.

Of course, it’s different if we’re talking about truly horrible people like serial violent offenders, war criminals, or genocidal maniacs.

On a positive note, my mother has decided she does not want a funeral, because she doesn't want anyone to hear what my youngest brother and I may say about her.

I try to speak with respect of those people who I respected when they were alive. Certainly don't want to embellish the not very good people, in my view.

Yes, if they deserve it, reflecting their memory to others or in collective history. For example, I don't find myself saying anything respectful about Adolf Hitler.

They are listening? Sorry....i would speak about them the same way they deserved IMO in life.

That’s good… Honestly though, most I’ve listened to lately regarding ‘the recently deceased’ were more factual than respectful ..I appreciate that ~

I don't think respectfully ever came into it? I tell the "Good stories" which often lead to laughter. Usually so the next generation knows something about their forebears. It's verbal history.

I have a friend whose father was her and her sister's abuser. She does not speak respectfully about him. I'm with her on this.

The relatives that were a bag of dicks don't usually get mentioned.

Speak respectfully of the dead if they earned it while alive. My old man was a git, now he is a dead git.
Unfortunately my mother takes it one step further, my father would forbid her to speak to me, so for a few years after he died, she wouldn't because she was respecting his wishes.

Only if they deserve it or if you don't know them well enough to be critical. There is the point that they're not there to defend themselves...

Yes. They are not here to defend themselves,. They are dead. Leave them alone, they won't do you any harm.

surely only really works if you believe in an afterlife...
if i liked someone when they were alive, i'd be sad they're gone and speak well of them
if i din't like them, i why would i bother saying anything

I don't see how it would matter to the deceased, I assume it derives from superstitions that the spirits of the dead are hovering above us. I'm respectful to the family and loved ones of the recently departed, why add to their grief? None the less personally I wouldn't absolve an asshole from being an asshole just because they're pushing up daisies.

There no proof that dead people can hear so why talk to someone that can't hear or see you. Unless they are blind or def and alive

What is the reason why we would speak ill of he dead? In most instances I can see no good coming from it.

I have always wonder that, too. I'm with @resserts.

To a degree, I think it’s healthy to not dwell on the wrongs the dead have committed. If someone is no longer able to do harm, let it go. It’s more for a personal sense of closure or peace than actual respect for the dead person. We only deserve the respect we earn.

I try not to gossip about the dead, but sometime you just have to speak ill of them if they were little assholes in life.

I was always taught not to speak ill of the dead, and I practice that to this day. Now that doesn't mean that I praise someone who did not deserve praise when alive, but rather that for those who deserve no good words I remain silent about them.

One time I stood at my father's grave and "swore like a sailor" due to the feelings that he instilled in me from childhood. I shared this with a nephew. My sister, his mother, later told me I desecrated his grave! I didn't come back with a retort then. I'm thinking now she was wrong. How can you desecrate the devil's grave? (I shared these events with a trusted acquaintance. He told me he had overheard someone in a cemetery cursing VERY loudly. I'm not the only one.) So, to answer the question, NO, there is no reason to speak respectfully of the dead if they, while they were alive did not EARN that respect.

Death is a natural part of life. Speak respectfully of the dead if you respected them in life.