Yes, my sister....my marriage was a disaster and should never have happened in the first place. I soon divorced...that was 30 years ago. However, my sister is one of those people who love to look at the negative and love to take little jabs at other people. For years, she would randomly bring up my ex and then say something like "Boy, you sure had bad taste in men". Finally, after years of subtle and not-so-subtle hints to stop, I unloaded on her (in a nice way). I told her I made one mistake, just one, and I've been paying for it ever since, and I would appreciate it if she got over it and moved on, like I had. She hasn't said anything since.

I am not familiar with the term 'outbreak' ... at least how you're using it, but I think I understand your meaning. This may appear over-simplistic, but it seems to me that human beings can be divided into four primary categories, or quadrants, with the 4 qualities (or focal points) being the focus on: the future, the past, positive (optimistic) and negative (pessimistic) outcomes. If one were to draw the quadrant, the upper two squares (y axis) would be labeled 'positive,' while the lower two would be 'negative.' Similarly, the right two squares (x axis) would be 'future' while the left two squares would be called 'past.'

The lower left quadrant (negative-past) describes those who focus negatively on the past, to the point of obsession. They are the 'if only' crowd, who replay past events, and allow them to control and shape their psyche. Opposite of this group, on the upper right quadrant (positive-future) are those who look to the future with optimism. One might label them as 'Pollyannas' as they are never pulled back by past misfortune, and eschew negativism.

The upper left quadrant (positive-past) describes those who remain positive, despite past events, perhaps drawing and learning from those experiences. Finally, the lower right quadrant (negative-future) contains those who see little hope for the future, and can be downright morose about what is yet to come.

Given this, and assuming it is a useful model, where do you think the people you're describing fit? I feel that I am in the upper-left quadrant (positive-past) with strong tendencies toward the upper right (positive-future). How might you describe yourself, if I may ask?

My mother is usually the catalyst, and I have a brother who I will not be in the same region as.
My birth family is a powder keg.

Yes and I ask them did you die

Every Thanksgiving..

I've had people in my life who have a habit of suddenly bringing up old news like that, and it seems to fall into two categories.

(1) They didn't mention the (real or imagined) offense at the time it happened, because they were trying to avoid doing so and it boiled over much later, or, they just needed time to figure out some way to be offended by it. The latter tend to scan for things to be offended by; they seem fundamentally convinced that people aren't to be trusted and they manage to prove it one way or the other.

(2) They DID mention it at the time it happened, and keep it in reserve to revisit anytime they are upset with you, which is often. These kind never let go or forgive.

In my experience (1) is the less problematic of the two; often the person is just not self aware or confident enough to get problems out in the open immediately, and you CAN resolve the issue. Sometimes with difficulty, but it CAN be done.

I've always felt there's an expiration date on offenses, I don't feel free to bring such things up days or weeks later, but some people do I guess.

That's why Abraham Hicks advises people to live in the present, for peace of mind. What happened is gone, let it go.

I use quick NLP techniques (used by the military to treat ptsd) to get rid of old painful feelings; I imagine negative key incidents from my past, but as they would have happened in a perfect world. After a while of reimagining bad memories as peaceful, happy events, my emotions change to match those of the imagined events, and old resentment and anger vanishes.
I remember what really happened, but the corresponding bad emotions are gone.

Yes

Yeah, my ex brought up "us."

We men that have known women for ten years are very familiar with that phenomena.

Nope.

This is my mother. You can be having a great time, and all of a sudden she's talking about every mistake you made as a kid, demanding to know why. We don't hang a lot.