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How long would you wait?

On a second date (s)he says, " I always date for 2.5 months before intimacy."

A) run like hell. You've clearly entered a time machine.

B) Take it as the starting point for negotiation.

C) Say, "I totally get it. That's admirable of you. You just can't be too careful these days. So, I'll get back to you in about 2 months."

CallMeDave 8 Feb 25
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17 comments

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0

I would probably walk away. Putting specific time tables for anything in life would tell me that this person could not be my life partner. Even if we ended up waiting that long, putting a definite time on things means it's more about the time rather than the feelings. If it feels right to be intimate there is no reason wait.

0

Nobody, male or female, is entitled to sex. So sick of self-proclaimed "nice guys" bitching that they aren't getting any.

"Hey! I'm a nice guy! I haven't been to jail, don't hit women, I'm employed....blah...blah...blah."

Being "nice" does not make you special or entitled...it is the barest minimum of what you SHOULD be. Everything else gets built on top of that foundation. Intelligence, wisdom, loyalty, faithfulness, kindness, communication, integrity, honesty, etc.

1
1

This is why I don't date. If I am hot for the guy, I'd jump his bones. If I am not hot for the guy, why lead him on? If I jump his bones then I am a slut. If I don't, then I'm a player. So when I was dating, I was a slut, but never a player. I was damned either way.

1

You know, not everyone is sex wild. For me, sex has always been too stressful and painful and a lot of mess and bother (I have a condition called vaginismus, google it). I had to laugh at this because for me, I'd have to tell the person that I have no intention of engaging in any sexual act, ever. Even with that, my husband and I spent 43 wonderful, fulfilling and happy years together until he passed away last year. Sex is not everything.

2

Female POV, again, we are often viewed as TOO slutty if intimacy is too soon. (Who gets to decide?, the guy, naturally)

However, prim and proper chases you-all away.

My solution? I'll be exactly as sexual as I want, when I decide, and if we can't get along because of that, then we wouldn't have made it anyway.

Hey guys, masterbation (sic) was invented for a reason, and we ladies do it too.

The guy doesn't always "decide" or even bring the subject up first. I've realized that if the chemistry is right, I can bring the subject up.

The last man I was with I brought up the subject of kissing up in a text after the first date. I brought up the subject of sex on the second date. I even initiated the first moves after the first kiss. We didn't do anything past that until date #4...lol. By then he was bolder.

However, I've been on dates with about 7 other men in the last year. He was they only one I knew I wanted to sleep with right away. Most the others our chemistry didn't line up

1

C.

Gohan Level 7 Feb 25, 2018
2

I’d probably run, not because of the lack of sex, but because one restricts themselves to structure, a self imposed rule that restricts them. I don’t want restrictions.

1

Well it gives you both some time to get tested?

But no intimacy at all? No. You just can't know if it's going anywhere.

Unless you're really just there for possible friendship.

Lol @ time to get tested, yesYES!

3

I, personally don't like time limits or rules for dating. We all have different needs, wants, desires, and dreams. Each relationship is different and unique with emotional needs at different levels. Trust has a lot to do with comfort in a potential long-term relationship.

It is different if hooking up is the only reason for the date, then honesty is the best policy.

Although I may not like time limits, I can understand someone's motivation for doing so. The waiting period may help in determining if the relationship has long-term potential and therefore is worth investing and risking an intimate involvement.

Betty Level 8 Feb 25, 2018
5

I have waited as long as 6 months for a couple of different girls when I was younger. Game players. If the girl doesn't get even the slightest bit intimate with you, even if it's just making out, within the first 3-5 dates I would think it's a lost cause and she's not attracted to you, or she's just using you for some reason. There are exceptions to this, but I think that's pretty accurate.

I agree, and though I'd like to keep the thread as general as possible, the question derived from a rare situation where "making out" occured the first date. This might explain her need to set things straight.

5

I make my decision regarding gettin' up real close, on a case-by-case judgment .

That has ranged from never - to "what's your name again ?" , and everything in between.

Eventually you won't remember their names anyway.

@sewchick57 The ones that meant something, I never forget.

4

See you in 2 and 1/2 months?
Joking, but a fixed time is crazy.

5

I'd have to make sure I'd established a level of trust with someone. That being said, every situation is different. It'll happen with the right person at the right time. Meanwhile, take those two months to get to know them and enjoy their company. If it's real you won't regret it.

8

none of the above. I would be happy to take that time pressure free to get to know that person

Ditto. Funny that what seems to me the most reasonable answer is missing from the options.

3

It depends, I suppose. I'd play it by ear for a while. It sure does give enough time for deal breakers to surface.

4

It would be a variant of A, any kind of rules would have me switching off. It's got to be mutual.

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