places to meet people?
where are some places other than the bar you try to meet people, friends or romance? grocery store? library?
10
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
39 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I meet men for lunch or dinner at a quiet cafe' or restaurant. After lunch, I invite them to walk along the river. It's easy to talk while enjoying nature.
I arrive early, nicely dressed to honor the occasion. Here's what usually happens:
"Kathleen!" I hear. Turning, I recognize no one. My "hot date" has suddenly aged 10 years, gained 50 lbs. and lost his hair. Immediately, I see him as a liar. He posted old photos and lied about his age.
As an extrovert, I enjoy meeting new people. I engage men in conversation. Eventually, I say gently, "I don't think we make a match." Men never leave it at that. "Why NOT?" they demand.
"I don't think you are in good enough shape to join me hiking steep, rocky trails for seven miles with 4,000' of elevation gain," I reply. They concede.
Research shows 82% of people lie about their age, height, weight, fitness, education, and/or profession on their online dating profiles.
I have reached the point where I feel surprised when a man looks like his picture.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Feb 16, 2019
5
That's a high %. I didn't think it was that high in my experience but I'm probably too nice. Once my date showed up 40lb heavier and 10 years older than his photo. I asked him why he would lie like that. He said he didn't know.
Yeah that’s the problem with the internet, it’s easier lie about who you are, obviously people can lie about other stuff in person but on the internet even the basics can be lied about.
He probably thought his hot sexuality and great personality would cause you to overlook the fact that he lied.
@LiterateHiker I wouldn't even think of doing that. Over the years I've had every combination of long/short/no hair and full/sculpted/no beard that just finding a photo that generally matched my appearance would be a struggle.
I'm also blessed with absolutely no distinguishing facial characteristics, so each change in facial/hair styling radically changes my appearance.
Truth is very important. I prefer meeting open and intelligent people. I'm always up front with I'm crazy as a loon and smart as a whip and just plain weird, in a safe way.
Honesty for me is everything! I'm 77 & do hike seven miles. body and mind. Open.
@Literatehiker
LH!!!
I've seriously thought of combining all your "dating" posts into a book. I think it would be a best seller. Might be a Netflix or Si-Fi channel mini-series in it too!!! 
Thanks. With dating, it's important to have a sense of humor.
Last night I watched the first episode of a new reality series, "Dating Around" by Netflix. BOR-ing! to quote my daughter.
A vain, self-described mysterious guy met a series of pretty young women in a restaurant. He asked the same questions. Yawn.
That’s a good question. All I can say is that staying at home is not the answer.
indirect76
Level 7
Feb 17, 2019
5
gym, grocery store, volunteer work
Green_eyes
Level 8
Feb 16, 2019
4
Volunteer work. I like that idea.
I think being a sweaty mess at the gym isn't gonna do me any favors meet women ?
Have you ever met anyone in a grocery store? In the thousands of times I have been to the grocery store, I have never met anyone, not even a cashier, and I talk to strangers on elevators. How do you meet a woman in a grocery store without looking obvious? I can think of a whole slew of double entendres that might get a laugh or slapped most likely.
I started looking more at the grocery store. I look at what they but to see if they are single and cultured. I've found a few I like but too chicken to talk.
@Sciguy7000 definitely not in the free weight area but after a class we are always talking amongst ourselves. It’s a great place to get to know people without coming off creepy. By the way, I’m not looking my best either.
@Sticks48 I have met people at the grocery store.
@Janiesuper Interesting thing about the grocery store I usually go to is that it actually has a salad bar and hot bar as part of its deli department, and tables and chairs where you can actually eat. And recently, they added a Starbuck's within the store. It adds some possibilities.
@Green_eyes Have you dated someone you met at the grocery store?
@Sticks48 I’ve gotten numbers but honestly I’m too chicken to follow up.
@Green_eyes What are some of the ways they approach you at the grocery store?
I'll make this simple. Most people, quite ignorantly but with good intentions, will tell you to get out and join a bunch of groups, hang out at a bunch of places, take a bunch of classes, volunteer, etc. I have already tried those things and in reality the chances of you meeting someone to date is pretty unlikely, at least if you are my age. In the old days, bars were a good place because that was where pretty much all the single folks who were looking for dates were at. Nowadays it's different. Getting out and doing all the stuff I mentioned at the start is pretty much a waste of time because it involves a relatively small pool of people, many of which are not looking for someone new to date. And if you don't already have a reason or interest that motivates you to be out at that group or activity regardless of whether it helps you meet someone, it will only add to your experience of frustration and disappointment, which is bad for your mental health.
Online dating is a cesspool, yes, but it does involve a rather large pool of people who are actually looking for someone to date. It also doesn't really involve investing that much time either. Way less time than, say showing up every week or month for anywhere from an hour to a few hours and never meeting anyone compatible to date. I guess the involvement approach where you spend lots of time offline hoping to meet someone gives you something to do and might pay off over a long period of time, but if you don't want to invest that much time in meeting someone and are already 60 and knowing that your years left are way less than what you've already lived, online dating seems a better bet of meeting someone in the next few years.
I have also discovered, both by checking out some of these groups and activities, both in person and thru online browsing of their member lists, that many or most of the people at these offline groups and activities are already on Match. So going to the groups, etc., is just a waste of time and a duplication of effort as far as expanding your pool of people to meet for dating. Even if you are willing to invest all the time and effort of getting involved in these offline things to meet people, the only advantage they have over online dating is that you get to meet them in person to start, without all the competition, vs. meeting only thru them seeing a photo, and then maybe later a profile on a screen, but only if your photo meets their standards for looks.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Feb 17, 2019
4
@Deiter Generally, not much. I'm having a better month than usual lately tho. Instead of my average of meeting a new woman every three months, I look to be meeting two of them this month.......As one of the female members of this site said to me in a PM about online dating with paid sites, there's just too much fucking competition on paid sites from better-looking people.....Honestly Deiter, I think your job-seeking and my online dating are two sides of the same coin.....
All very well said and sadly true! I go to alot of places solo and unfortunately everybody else that's at those places are with somebody and pretty much established in their own little cliques.
@Lisamarie68 That's even pretty much true at the music club that I go to occasionally to hear a reggae band play at. The crowd is pretty much the same people every time. Most of them coupled up and the ones that aren't are usually with a clique and not interested in meeting anybody new. It's also that way with a dance bar that is very popular in my area that everybody says is a great place for singles to meet someone at. I went there once for an hour to observe things at peak time and it was just like the music club in these ways.
I agree with a lot of what's been said here. Go places you find interesting without the primary goal being to meet anyone, specifically places where there's something to do and something to learn. E.g., if you join a book club, there may or may not be someone there you fancy, but you'll be exposed to new ideas and discussion, and that's information you carry with you to bring up in other conversations when meeting other people. I've seen a couple of suggestions for volunteer work, which provides you with the satisfaction of helping other people but also provides engagement with like-minded volunteers who are probably intelligent and community-minded. I think colleges are great, too. If you can take a course or seminar in something you enjoy, that's great and takes the pressure off needing to meet someone, but offers the opportunity. There are also usually lots of college events open to the public — lectures, performances, etc. — often free to the community. (I attended an event a couple of months ago at the local community college where one of my co-workers had won a writing contest and he and other winners read their works. It cost nothing, there were erudite people in attendance, and there were refreshments.) I figure anyone's best bet is to have interests and to keep busy, and when they inevitably meet someone it's more about adding them to their already full and rewarding life rather than making finding a partner the only goal. That doesn't mean that there aren't still moments of loneliness or the desire to share life with another, but only that finding a partner isn't the all-consuming pursuit when there are other satisfying and rewarding things in one's life. Good luck.
resserts
Level 8
Feb 17, 2019
3
You make a lot of good points. I am already doing all those kinds of things that involve interests I already had before becoming widowed. Those things do add to my life, as do my continued friendships. But I still miss having a partner and will be a lot happier if I find one. I was single until I was 36 and just know that I am much happier with a partner than without. Those years with my late wife before her dementia were the best and happiest years of my adult life for good reason. I want that again, even if it's with someone very different than her. I'm not going to fall into lying or rationalizing about that like I see so many people do on this forum.
@TomMcGiverin I'm sorry about your late wife's passing and her mental decline leading up to her death. That had to be hard for you. I have no doubt that your path will cross with another's, someone with whom you're compatible, if you're getting out and keeping active in ways that allow you to meet new people regularly. I don't think it happens overnight for most of us, but I'm confident it will happen for you eventually. Don't despair.
@resserts Thanks, dude. I guess after my wife's death, I thought it would not take that long to meet someone compatible to at least date, considering that my marriage to her was my only LTR and that it was a long and happy marriage. But instead I have found that my one good marriage and relationship resume doesn't., at least not by itself, impress anyone about my credentials as a potential partner with women on Match. That is a disappointment and a bitter pill to swallow. It seems like women who are divorced, which is the vast majority on dating sites, prefer to date fellow divorcees than men who are widowed. I'm sure they have their reasons, one of which is they want a partner who has shared that experience, but it galls me that they are picking that over meeting someone who might be better at relationships that someone who has had a failed marriage.
I will give someone a chance even if they have been divorced, but at the same time, there's a good reason some people are divorced. In my case, it's not my fault that I'm widowed and I'd like to think that counts for something with most women.
@resserts I still think it's more likely to happen from a dating site than from being out and active offline because offline stuff is still way too small a pool of women to end up meeting the kind of woman who would be compatible for me. My late wife and I are very offbeat people in my local area, part of a subculture that includes maybe a couple percent of the adults our age in the area. Same % as non-believers in general, 2-3%. Need a very large pool of single women to reach that small group of women anytime in the coming years. The only offline place that would have much of a pool of women that are my type is the local Unitarian church. But I'm not willing to go back there yet and put up with being around all the male assholes who are there.
I hope I will have my last first date around 1 month from here, in a nice (but rainy) city in western Norway XD.
Probably the meeting place will be around the bus station
Pedrohbds
Level 7
Feb 17, 2019
1
I think we're all wondering the same thing......
potteryguy2018
Level 6
Feb 17, 2019
3
I hope to meet someone at home depot. We can discuss landscaping ?
Janiesuper
Level 6
Feb 17, 2019
3
We don't have a home depot but we have a Lowe's and I have planted trees and multched before lol.
@McWalsoft I think.Lowes is better
I just had an idea upon reading your post. What about tourist destinations?
bingst
Level 8
Feb 16, 2019
4
That would be great but... I live in a tourist destination and most men just want to have fun while they are here for an event. Then want to git it and quit it, as they say.
@Wildflower I'm not sure there's any way to get away from that, tourist spot or not. I guess I was thinking more of specific tourist destinations, and less about general vacation destinations, like the Smithsonian's Air and Space Musem.
I met a lot of people volunteering for political campaigns and at the animal shelter. No romantic interests but still. Also made friends with 2 new friends at a tattoo convention. Do what you like and you will inevitably meet people who also like what you like.
Dandewine
Level 7
Feb 18, 2019
1
@F-IM-Forty same experience which is why I said i met friends...Not romantic interests. All young people..but worth meeting. Maybe their parents are divorced or separate. Lol. I didn't really do the volunteering to meet men...it was to meet anyone. I'm relatively new to FL and i don't have many friends here yet. When i do volunteer I get a sense of camaraderie which is nice.
I like the idea of volunteering at an animal shelter, but I am hesitant to do so because I am a purebred dog breeder and am afraid I will be pressured by the very vocal "adopt, don't shop" contingent! I'm not sure if it's a good place to meet people with whom to socialize, but it is a good way to help the animals!
Hiking Trails, Gyms, Museums and Food Fairs.
Nevermind345
Level 7
Feb 17, 2019
2
Not sure it's a good idea to approach someone walking or running alone on a hiking trail. All kinds of shit could happen!
@jerry99 Could be seen as an attacker or rapist and get you maced or pepper-sprayed...at least if you are male....
The county landfill
Haemish1
Level 8
Feb 17, 2019
2
@F-IM-Forty
Yes!
It’s easier to get ‘em in the rebound!
before i met my guy, i never in my life went somewhere with the primary purpose of meeting people. if i went to the grocery store it was to get food. if i went to the library it was to get, or read, books or records. if i took a class (apart from when i actually matriculating and had to take certain classes for credits whether or not i was interested) it was to learn what the class was teaching i don't think it ever crossed my mind in my whole life to go anywhere just to meet people.
g
genessa
Level 8
Feb 17, 2019
2
Bookstore coffeeshop.
GeorgeRocheleau
Level 8
Feb 17, 2019
2
Book stores can be good. I'll never forget the time I met an interesting woman at one. I put her name and number in my phone, but I was so nervous that I forgot to hit "SAVE", so I wasn't able to call her 
@Markss76118 damn
That's where I go often. Mostly women talk me
Markss76118
Level 7
Feb 17, 2019
2
I tried this twice. Maybe I picked the wrong groups but it was awkward and I never went back
Depending on the group they seem either super, cultishly focused on the topic, or checking each other out.
I run an animal sanctuary...I always hope someone visits whom I feel a spark.
JeffMLambert
Level 4
Feb 17, 2019
2
Good question! I've been to all sorts of places but I have found that most everywhere I go, even in Meetup groups, people seem to be in their own little cliques, which makes it hard to bond with them and to make new friends.
Lisamarie68
Level 5
Feb 19, 2019
2
meet me, somewhere--
??
@Skeezwazzle I might if you were a bit closer. ?
@Lisamarie68 We're 9 hours apart by car--
Martial art class, ballroom dancing class, weekly bluegrass/country musician jam, work (retail), grocery store, restaurants. Can't say I've had much luck meeting dating material, though. Seems women have a chip on their shoulder or very guarded when trying to talk to them outside of a bar (at least where I am now). In bars they are more open to flirting and stuff - but I don't like the bar scene, so I'm kinda F-ed in that regard. Small towns (where I am now) really suck for dating also. Seems women around here are more anxious and paranoid than women I met in Dallas or San Diego, where there is lots of real gang/crime shit going on.
jondspen
Level 7
Feb 18, 2019
2
The local jail
Rudy1962
Level 9
Feb 17, 2019
2
No excuses right?
@Janiesuper nope
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Related Groups More
World Music
1359 members
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.