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Is it better to settle for a good relationship or wait for the best, even if it might never happen?

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31 comments

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0

If you reframed that and asked instead "I have a good relationship how could we make it better" you might find yourself with further options.

9

Unless you make really poor choices in the first place you only get out of a relationship what you put in. Having a good relationship is hard work it doesn't just happen.

7

While there is no perfect person, there is someone who is a perfect fit, and compromising with them won't feel like settling. We only have one short life, why waste it settling due to fear of being alone?

7

We're on a rock flying through space grab hold of any relationship you can. relationship is just a word that implies a connection. Be connected to people without judgement. why use the word settle? it's not settling to have an imperfect relationship since no relationships are perfect. And yes there are no guarantees that some better or best or great relationship will come along, love those that are around you now.

7

The best relationship doesn't just come along. It is created. It starts with a good relationship and you have to build on that.

6

The “best” relationship is probably not a reality. Staying in a relationship or leaving it based on your perception of what might be out there seems like not a fair way to make a decision - either to you or to your partner. Better questions, I think, does this relationship enrich my life? Am I my best self in this relationship?

6

Depends on what you want. If you are fat, lazy, unemployed, take recreational drugs, drink, smoke, don't have good hygiene and like to gamble, you should be happy with anything you can get.

You will likely have a "good" relationship if you are someone a "good" person would want to date.

Ruthless. I love this woman.

2 out of 8. Where does that leave me?

@Roadster LOL! There's someone for everyone!

5

I'm about to get a divorce... Don't settle.

@meta4me good advice

Same. There is a point where you need to stop thinking putting more into a relationship would make it work. I gave everything into and everything up for someone and lost myself and my marriage in the process.

Don't settle.

5

Personally, if I were with someone who felt I was just "good enough" I wouldn't want to continue the relationship. Everyone deserves to be valued and loved for themselves. How would you feel if your partner asked you this question,point blank?

4

You are selling yourself out, settling for anything! When you choose, do it on purpose and go from there. Look for all the wonderful and not so wonderful things in that person (or thing). And before long you will only choose what suits your nature. Everybody wins then.

4

The way I've been taught is that anything you consider worth having requires maintaining and effort. this applies to the things you own too, like your house and your car.

So the real question here is, do you think the relationship is worth putting in effort and maintaining? if the answer is no, don't bother

4

"Settling down means settling for." - Dan Savage
No one person is perfect for another person. Understanding what compromises you can live with to get other things that make you happy is important.

4

I asked the question for the purpose of discussion. I personally refuse to settle. I’d rather be alone than be with someone while constantly wondering who I might be missing out on.

4

I don't think anyone should settle. If you don't feel truly happy in the relationship, then you shouldn't be in it long term.

3

I say, hold out and wait! I have been single for yeeears between relationships and I am a Firm Believer that you Must be selective and you must not give in to lonliness either. Like they say, good things come to those who wait. I would rather have someone in my life Worth my time, over someone in my life merely to take up space to fill some empty void.

Fortunately I enjoy my own company so even I haven't got it all that bad, if you will. haha!

Sadoi Level 7 Feb 28, 2018
3

How do you know that with a little effort on your part that the good relationship might not turn out great? Attitude and effort counts about 90% on ANY relationship.
On the other hand, if you feel you are "settling" do this person a HUGE favor and walk away, they deserve better!

3

I went with pretty damn good. The best, or perfect, how will you know. And like the old story of guy looking for the perfect woman, when he found her, she decided that he wasn't perfect.

3

Is you "best" relationship based on a reasonable expectation of what could happen? If you hold out for the Best, there is a chance of it never happening, but if you set your expectations too low, what you end up with an ultimately bad relationship.

3

I have chosen not to settle. I may compromise on some things, but life is compromise. But I refuse to settle. Life is too short, but settling would make it way too long.

3

I feel like this is one of those where you have to say "it depends". You can never know what you miss out on by choosing one option or the other and you can never know if the relationship you're in now is one that will develop into the best thing in your life or the one that will completely destroy you because you were wrong about her being the perfect one you were waiting for all along and sacrificed everything else for.

2

Never settle, eventually you will just resent them and your not going to be happy.

ydnil Level 4 Oct 7, 2018
2

Depends on what you’re looking for in a relationship. Each can be so treacherous and yet rewarding.

My test is to imagine that person and yourself coming home after a long, exhausting day. It’s been raining, you’ve been arguing about something which has your blood up. It’s been a miserable, taxing day. Now imagine you walk through the front door and you look at that person; their face gaunt, tired and drenched from the rain. If in that moment you can sweep all the anger, self-indulgent frustration and personal pride away just to see them smile...that’s a relationship worth keeping.

Don’t have to be perfect, just perfect for each other.

2

Waiting for what might never come might be far better an idea than hoping what u have or had will get better

2

A bird in the hand etc.
Provided it is GOOD and not just acceptable.
And be honest with yourself and the other person.
Don't go into a relationship and be continually looking to upgrade, that would be poor form.
If you find yourself in a 'good" relationship, you are better off than 90% of the population at least.

2

How will you know which is the best? "Only mediocre people are at their best, because everybody else is trying to get better". What I meant to tell you is ..."Don't be stupid, you need to practice"

1

Like others have mentioned, I would define the word "good." There's no perfect person out there. For me it's someone I'm happy to be with, who enriches my life for just being in it.

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