So! An admission from an old, happily married, mean and cantankerous man. Linda and I still ‘Do the Wild Thing’. Not as vigorously or as often as when we started out. But that part of our life together is still there. I’m 69 and she is 60. Time changes us all. My view and Linda’s is “manage expectations and understand our physical limits”. Our sex life has evolved. We are both still very happy with it. Our ‘Adventure Travels’ have changed. Scuba to snorkel, mountain trekking to ‘hiking’ tours, NCL (The just married) to Holland and Spirit (Nearly dead) cruise lines. WE have learned to appreciate, and enjoy the simpler things in our lives. Our backyard habitat, cooking together, supporting each other’s odd hobbies. Our grandson has changed our focus on life way more than I had expected. Our extended family Tribe has become more of our focus to support (the second and third generation). My point is that maybe, we shouldn’t be constantly searching, and being disappointed, for something from our past.
I sometimes look up as those Hueys and Blackhawks and Cobras flying overhead and think of days gone by. Linda reminded me today of back when we were ‘courting’ and those lunch breaks we took at work had nothing to do with food…. But time marches on.
​

Oh no to the humping mindlessly part! While he sounds like a great friend, it might be better to find someone more adventurous in bed.

No. Keep the former, find someone else for the latter.

Your point about finding fit people is spot-on, except I'd widen it to include pretty much any age. Foreigners who visit the US are stunned by how fat people are. To those who might think I am fat-shaming, not at all. I feel sorry for people who struggle with overweight and obesity (including a good friend, who is paying a steep price in limited mobility and declining health) and the impact on their quality of life. When these people change what they eat and become more active, the common reaction is "I never realized how bad I felt before, I thought it was normal. Now I know what good feels like."

I believe there is another R who is a much better match for you, but unfortunately he is on the wrong side of the country. ?

I would say do what is best for yourself but be introspective and brutally honest with yourself. You need to create yourself a list of things that are important to you and dealbreakers. Maybe at the beginning you thought sex was not that important to you. But, as it turns out, you were mistaken and it does happen to be ONE OF the priorities for you in relationships. Not the most important, but one of the important points.

But also keep in mind, it is not the positions that make sex boring. Most women cannot even climax from vaginal sex. If you want to incorporate spice into the sexual relationship, it can be done at the foreplay stage. Then, even if the actual act of intercourse is average, you've had lots of foreplay even kinky buildup to the act that it is no longer boring. I know for myself changing positions with no stimulating foreplay, would make sex shitty for me. IT is worth considering, to explore y'alls kinky side.

Good luck!

Don’t settle

I have had to change my perception of SEX. In my case my time on this marble has come with consequences, physically. I'm working on a new ending. I have been taker and it now bothers me. If I can look at a woman as a sexual outlet, why can't I be for her what she needs. I admit a work-in-progress having only a handful of opportunities to practice my new philosophy I have to say it's been absolutely fantastic so far. And truly one of the side benefits that I didn't see was the amazement that I receive that I'm willing to do this. Doesn't say a whole lot for the male gender. Just saying. So all that to say if that's the one saying that you need to talk about it. If he doesn't want to get in shape do what he can at least a try. I think we all will agree that sex is meaningless without desire actually on a male's Point impossible. Have a great day everybody!

Maybe stop initiating and he might step up his game? When sex is too easy and not a challenge, there's no thrill in it. You likely always know that if you initiate, it's going to happen, and it will be the same old thing. He seems to be just going along for the easy ride, doesn't even have to try. I agree, it sounds boring.

What is he settling for?

Not easy being you, is it? How does this guy feel about all of this? Have you talked with him about it? In anyone gets too comfortable with any given situation, they are stuck in a no-growth zone. For some people (like you buddy, for example), that is the goal. It doesn't seem to be where you want to stay. If you don't make a change now, things will probably deteriorate between you two as resentment becomes the default for both of you. You can either change your situation or change your mind. That's all I got, LH. Good luck, hon.

LH! You continue to provide me with great entertainment with your posts! I don't think your situation as described here is uncommon. So, here's my opinion:

1. Guys and gals peak at different ages sexually.
2. You are NOT unusual in your sexuality for your age group.
3. If this gentleman is important to you, and it seems from your post that he is, then it is probably worth it to attempt both a compromise and an enhancement to this area of your relationship.
   3a) I'd start with an honest & serious dialogue between you and your gentleman. No ultimatums, but plainly clarify your needs & expectations about this part of your relationship. It sounds to me like it's more than physical fitness.
   3b) but! The physical fitness (weight, endurance, cardio health can be addressed outside of this single topic. I'd suggest implementing a workout regime for him that you could be involved in. Possibly start with simply a 3 mile walk every day.
   3c) Diet. You haven't stated your living arrangement with him but it feels like you two do not co-habitate. So changing his diet might be difficult unless you eat all your meals together.
   If you can agree to get in shape (him, I know you're already there), it will be a great step in the right direction.
   Just my thoughts. I hope you can work out this situation however you feel is best for you.

I can’t say what you should do, but personally I would definitely accept moderate to bad sex for someone I really connected with.