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Ethical dilemma regarding other people's stuff

My parents had a horribly unhappy realtionship, that ended in divorce about 30 years ago. They were mentally and physically abusive towards my sister and i, though certainly nothing newsworthy in its routine shitiness. My mom is alive but i havent spoken to her in many years, and my dad died a few years ago, and im just going through all his papers... my dad saved every document from old water bills to program notes from plays he liked... and a whole bunch of stuff he never should have had. It looks like he entered my moms home several times over the years afyer their divorce, anc downloaded personal documents from her computer, including her diary, letters to various family members, and letters to her new boyfriend, a very abusive and disturbed man (light years beond my dad, in terms of shittiness). For now im just reboxing the things that arent clearly trash/recycling... its actualy sickening to see read some of this stuff, both the depravity of my dad to do this, the emotional struggles of my mom, how she was treated, the things she said about my sister and i. Its probably going to sit for at least 6 months or a year before i look at it again... what should i do? I don't have to keep it, but its actually very much related to my family (small and very tight lipped). What do people think?

Burner 6 May 13
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9 comments

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0

Re-reading them will only tear off the scabs covering the wounds,as mentioned, shred or burn them....

1

You could use it theatrically as did Robert Waller in BRIDGES of MADISON COUNTY....change it all to suit your dramatic license....a writer for the NY TIMES from Montana did the same book and movie deal....especially all those playbills....there is a pattern there or invent one Saroyan or Miller would be proud how you turn shit into SHINOLA

1

If you can, write it up as a sort of abridged family history, that you and your sister can share.
If you or your sister have children, they will appreciate it, and not having had to live through it, will not be traumatised, simply motivated not to do the same. Whilst you're about it, write candidly about your childhood and early adult period.
Then dump any stuff that has no sentimental value!

If this was a memoir, it's be adult level emotion, and names changed to protect the innocent.

@Burner It is also a cathartic exercise.

@Petter remembering why I don't talk to my mom, is all I need. But ... I'll revisit it in a few months.

3

I am so sorry for your experiences. That is so difficult for you all. Sometimes people cannot let go. Its dreadfully sad and very damaging. I won't give advice, just my very best wishes. Eventually you will know what is the right thing to do.

2

Should probably ask your mom what she wants done with her stolen things. If you don't want to talk to her dispose of it.

1of5 Level 8 May 13, 2019
3

My credit union has Shredding Saturdays several time a year. Take it to be shredded and think no more about it.

3

IF anything positive can be gained by reading through them or certain other family members reading through them (understanding? closure?) maybe... If only heart ache or dredging up pain of the past lies in it, discard.

Zster Level 8 May 13, 2019
3

Get rid of it. You don't need that negativity hanging out in your life.

4

The past, learn from it and let it go. Personally, I would have thrown in the trash after looking through the stuff. Just sounds like a lot of bad memories.

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