I went through a series of unrequited situations. For most of them, it was because the other person was showing me so much kindness that I mistook it for love -- I understand it now that I felt so empty that I would fall for any man who gave me attention. When it happened with a man who also happened to be a close friend, it threw me over the edge and I became obsessed. If anything, it taught me that I needed to take the time to find and appreciate myself. These days, it can still happen, but I'm more aware when it's infatuation and how to maintain some perspective, versus mutual feelings that may be gradually developing -- and even with that, I still have to remind myself, "we'll see what happens."

Everyone has set backs and rejections in life..one can only shake it off and move on. Most cis hetero women do this without trying. If her guy messes up, his stuff is tossed onto the lawn, the door locks are changed, and she moves on.

Men however, can feel so devasted after a romantic loss they often want to commit suicide, but usually stem the hurt by quickly acquiring another love interest.

I fell in love once when in my male gender mode (women don't fall in love except when they are heavy in male traits) and when we broke up the pain was so intense I had to trigger my female mode and stay there, to be able to stand it.

I've been in this situation twice. I fell pretty hard the first time, but I couldn't tell him because I liked our friendship too much to risk ruining it. Sometimes I wonder if he felt the same way or he simply liked to flirt as I've never been able to tell the difference between someone being nice and genuinely showing interest. It took me a long time to move on from him and honestly, I only did so after he moved out to Cali and got married.

The second time was with someone online. We'd been friends for a while and I realized, gradually, that I had developed some rather complicated feelings. He was the first individual in a long time I'd opened up to about some troubling parts of my past and present and I felt safe when talking to him. I confessed what I was feeling and he said he was flattered, but uninterested and that hurt so much worse than not saying anything at all. Flash forward a few months and I find out he'd only said that because I'd caught him by surprise and we're together now, but it was painful to make myself that vulnerable and be rejected, so now I'm always wondering if he's genuine. To make matters worse, he and his other partner have been together for more than half a decade, and I love them too, but I feel like an outsider so often in this relationship and old insecurities keep cropping up to remind me I'm unworthy of being happy or content, that this can all end in an instant.

After a particularly nasty breakup of a 17 year relationship, I took time off from finding a relationship to focus on myself, to figure out what makes me feel happy, as an individual, & to work on learning to be happy alone. I worked on improving myself, finding hobbies I enjoy, took dance classes, made new friends & generally just took it easy on myself. I've dated, made new friends, have a very stable relationship (but I only see him every other weekend....)& my tolerance for buffoonery, passive-aggressive behavior, & other things I do not value in someone I'm dating has greatly diminished & I don't waste time on the wrong people. learn your value & worth.

I've been there. Most of us have been there. I think we often fall in that trap when we think the other person will make us feel better about ourselves. If they only loved us back we would have more worth. Then when they don't love us back we feel we have no worth. I'll take it a step further and say if we did win over their hearts, it would only be a matter of time until our boosted self esteem went back down. I'm not an expert on love, but pretty sure authentic love is reciprocal, everything else is just an illusion, even if it feels so real.

"Glad To Be Unhappy"

Fools rush in, so here I am
Awfully glad to be unhappy.
I can't win, but here I am
More than glad to be unhappy.

Unrequited love's a bore, yeah,
And I've got it pretty bad.
But for someone you adore,
It's a pleasure to be sad.

Like a straying baby lamb
With no mama and no papa,
I'm so unhappy, yeah.

Unrequited love's a bore, yeah,
And I've got it pretty bad.
But for someone you adore,
It's a pleasure to be sad.

Like a straying baby lamb
With no mama and no papa,
I'm so unhappy, yeah...

But oh so glad

I’m kind of going through that now. Try not to judge me but we met as FWB when we were both married several years ago. Both in loveless, sexless marriages. I found myself falling for him soon after we met, I tentatively broached the subject with him and he said it wasn’t possible because of the situation we were both in. He offered to stop contacting me but I said I could stuff the feelings down.

Fast forward to last October. He was staying out of town and I went to see him. Normally we just get a hotel room and stay in there. This time we got to go out for dinner, he held my hand, etc. It really made me realize what I can’t have with him. I told him and we agreed to cut off all contact. It still hurts but I know it’s best.

He’s an extremely successful retired Army doctor who now doctors at a major university and is on several boards across the country. I’m an administrative assistant, overweight and average looking so it’s difficult not to think I’m “less than.” I have no idea if he was free if he’d be interested, I never wanted to ask because I was afraid of the answer.

It is because of who you have let yourself become. Get some good psychological counselling!

It happens to all of us. It is a horrible blow to your self esteem. Break off all contact and time will heal the rest. When it comes to love and relationships you either have to step up or step off.

The strangest case was with my then husband's best friend. He had a big crush on me and I think it was because I was safe, he couldn't act on it.It wasn't sexual at all. I remember times I would see him just staring at me and my husband would knock him upside the head. My husband never got mad because he understood it in the same way I did, not serious. He later married about eight years after that and is still married with three kids.

I've got two things to say on this topic. 1. Anyone who wants to be with you,will make that happen. Wait for the person who makes the effort you deserve. 2. Ending up alone is not the worst fate. Ending up in a relationship where you feel alone is much worse.

I was really upset when I was very young but I now treat people as they treat me.

Drugs, alcohol, and therapy?

It costed me 2 years and a huge loss of my career to get over it. Save yourself.

You need to get some self esteem. Find a hobby ,join meetup.com. Take a self improvement class.

Eventually you'll find someone who will return the feelings. Two isn't a lot of people. Gotta cast a wider net. I know it's hard to see when you're struggling with self-esteem, and boy could I give you some stories about self-esteem, but the reality is that not everyone is going to like you, and there are a lot of people on the planet, a lot. Certainly do what you can to make yourself more appealing, but don't give up.