Is sexual incompatibility a deal breaker for you?
With a high sex drive, sex is important to me. Mike and I were compatible until we had sex.
"I'm a giver," Mike said. "I only care about a woman's pleasure." Big talk.
"I need extra lubrication," I said, getting out a tube of AstroGlide. Mike disagreed. "You don't need lubrication" and entered me roughly.
It was like having sex with a battering ram. Although I explained what I like twice, he did not listen.
"I'm so fit, I can go for two more hours," he bragged. I groaned.
"Easy! Gentle! Slow down. Not so hard!" I said. "I can't relax. It hurts." Then, "I need a break." That ended it.
At 63, he couldn't even do cunnilingus. Instead of licking, he sucked on my clit hard like he was siphoning gas. Ouch. I don't want to see Mike again.
I have dealt with this before. Jackhammering. It's what these men like. Hurts like hell.
No wonder his ex-wife became a lesbian. She wanted a gentle woman. She married a woman.
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You know the expression, "even when sex is bad, it's still pretty good?" That expression was written by a man. When sex is bad for women, its NOT pretty good. It's a waste of time, and often painful, as is well described here. This guy is a douche, and doesn't deserve female companionship.
Emerald
Level 7
July 11, 2019
9
Exactly. Mike had three divorces.
I bet all of his wives refused to have sex with him. His last wife, Kristi, is 17 years younger than him.
I asked what happened to him and Kristi, because there are pictures of her in his 2003 book, 'Trekking Washington.' "You look very compatible," I said.
"We were very compatible for 10 years," Mike said. "One day, Kristi had a sour look on her face. I asked what was wrong. 'I don't want to be married,' she said. I didn't know she was unhappy! We filed for divorce two weeks later."
"Kristi became a lesbian," Mike continued. "Five years later, she married a woman in Massachusetts."
Most guys take pleasure in making a woman feel aroused and achieve an orgasm. It's not all selfless ... we get off on them getting off. I know it excites me. So some guy that uses a woman as little more than a sex toy should just focus on masturbating himself to sleep at night.
JeffMesser
Level 8
July 11, 2019
9
How can you possibly say "most guys" when you haven't experienced any guys? Not as a woman anyway. You can only speak for yourself, or you can speak after experiencing sex with "most guys".
@Wildflower I actually just read a study about this a couple months ago. Men get off on the feelings of virility they achieve from making a women feel pleasure.
@JeffMesser So glad you are well informed. Men hate to be contradicted, especially by a woman. I read a study on that recently.
@Wildflower wow, it must be a terrible responsibility to know everything.
Are you a woman? Have you experienced sex with a man as a woman? Don't even try to tell me how women experience men or sex. Take a poll... you will the understand. But of course you won't. You are absolutely proving my point. Thanks!
@Wildflower I am speaking for men, not women. geez. get some objectivity and maybe a little better reading comprehension.
@JeffMesser You are speaking for yourself and generalizing about "most men". Try fucking a hundred guys and then tell me that most are all about pleasing a woman. You are so off base and hardly understanding from a woman's point of view. And yes, this post is about a woman's point of view. A man's perspective doesn't really matter. And I'm sorry that that hurts your feelings. But it's real life.
@Wildflower you are so wrapped up in scorn and hate that you completely miss the whole relevance of a study. Response bias is accounted and adjusted for in the methodology. To say "all the respondents lied" is to speak against centuries of statistical analysis. Remove hate-colored glasses THEN discuss.
@JeffMesser I either blocked Wildflower or got blocked by her a while back. Not surprised to hear she's maintaining her form....
@TomMcGiverin I certainly see why
Sorry you went through that. Too bad you didn't get a chance to cram something in his ass before he left.
Heathenman
Level 7
July 11, 2019
8
Hilarious! What an idea. I don't want to hurt anybody.
@LiterateHiker whatever you cramp in there, it doesnt need lube. Just saying. I am in awe you share these stories.....
Without a question sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker. In the case of Mike, he sounds sexually inconsiderate and selfish.
Dew25
Level 7
July 11, 2019
8
Exactly. He is sexually inconsiderate and selfish.
Lol, thanks for sharing. Yeah, sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker. If you take the time, you can learn your partner’s comfortable level of intimacy, confidence, and physical desires.
Marz
Level 7
July 11, 2019
7
Right? I’m pretty vocal so if the guy is even remotely paying attention he’ll know what feels good to me
I think he meant 'I don't care about a womans pleasure---- '
ShadowAmicus
Level 8
July 11, 2019
7
That doesn't sound like incompatibility. It sounds like he doesn't care at all what you want or need sexually. My ex husband was like that. He got mad and offended if I tried to tell him how to do things to me. He said he knew how to please women. It wasnt why I divorced him but it would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me now.
MsAl
Level 8
July 11, 2019
5
how do you make it to 63 and not learn how to lick a vagina? that's just weird.
JeffMesser
Level 8
July 11, 2019
5
It's not the vagina that is the the center of attention, it is the clitoris and there is definitely a method to achieve the greatest excitement and pleasure for your partner.
Having reached this age, I take my time and pay attention to the reception I'm getting. If what I'm licking doesn't get a response, I lick something else. The vagina has a tendency let you know what it likes and what it doesn't. Juices flow, or they don't. if they don't, do something else. This guy was all about him getting off. Didn't care who else got off.
Yes, but in incompatible is different then inept.
RileyStevens
Level 7
July 12, 2019
4
Yes, sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker. I have definitely experienced men like you described... and they didn't last. Maybe there are women who like the "battering ram" but that is not me! If he doesn't listen and take his time to get to know me, he's gone.
Wildflower
Level 8
July 11, 2019
5
What you just described sounds a hell of a lot like rape.
You have a right to set limits and have them respected. If they aren't? Game off.
You have a right to your "No" at any point. And I mean ANY POINT.
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: [rainn.org]
RavenCT
Level 9
July 13, 2019
4
Dealbreaker for me. Been there, done that. I’m not wasting my time or emotions on someone who cares more for their own pleasure than mine. Good sex is equitable. Also, if one partner wants lube, the other doesn’t get to veto it (and everyone engaging in anal play should be using lots of lube!).
UUNJ
Level 8
July 12, 2019
3
Yes, major dealbreaker. Bad hygiene, not listening, too rough(unless I ask for ‘harder&rsquo
, uncircumcised with bad hygiene(BAD combo).
I’ve been raped before, so definitely I don’t want to be held down and battered, or made to bleed because I’m not ready. My breasts are not stress balls!
I look for respectfulness and adherence to boundaries, though sometimes you can’t tell till it’s bedroom time.
CarolinaGirl60
Level 8
July 11, 2019
4
Have you ever thought of a career writing racy novels.......
Dhiltong
Level 8
July 11, 2019
4
No. I hate romance novels.
@LiterateHiker You can skip the romance and go straight to the sex.....
On the phone, I'm exquisitely good at describing what I want.
Turns men on.
@LiterateHiker I know l’m on my phone and getting turned on
"""At 63, he couldn't even do cunnilingus. Instead of licking, he sucked on my clit hard like he was siphoning gas. Ouch."""" This qualifies as a "Quotable Quote" LOL
nicknotes
Level 8
July 11, 2019
4
Glad you like my descriptive writing.
I actually winced when I read that! Very descriptive!
You are a very talented writer. I suspect you have other fabulous talents. @LiterateHiker
Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words.
You deserve all the compliments you receive. @LiterateHiker
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