I am sorry for your loss, as a father I can't even begin to imagine what you feel.

i never had a child, still ... i can feel your pain of loss, & a powerlessness that hurts the heart ... my heart that is going out to you.

My late son and I took a world cruise in my dreams the other night. For some reason this was really important to do. It harkens back, I suppose, to the sort of mini "grand tour" I took him on of London, Paris and Rome as a high school graduation gift. Just the two of us. So glad we had that experience together and cannot have enough gratitude to my late 2nd wife for making it happen. Or to my current wife for accepting (and mourning) my son as if he were her own.

Everyone deals with these losses in their own way. I have too many roles besides that of father to my son -- father to my other children, husband to my wife, grandfather, colleague, friend -- so the 500 pound gorilla in the room, my son's absence, is largely handled by emotional disassociation. Once in awhile my wife and I have a sob-fest but then remind ourselves that our son would have wanted us to do what we always advised him when he was despondent: keep moving. What else CAN you do.

Losses like this are cumulative in my experience and sometimes they diminish us to the point of no longer functioning well. I think / hope my wife's daughter will dodge the bullet of a cancer scare because I have no clue how we will absorb that sort of bad news, should it come. Unfortunately, NothinnXpreVails, all I can do is bear witness to your suffering and honor your love for your wonderful son.

I'm glad that you can have those dreams. How awesome are our brains that allow us to communicate with those that live in our hearts. My condolences.