I could have written this except for the highly intelligent part. but i think you learn something from everyone if you really listen.
my husband passed away and its really made life very stressful.
i fill my days up but thats just what i am doing .......filling the time up.
no family here in AMERICA and i dream of going home but immediate family has passed away.
so i just make myself go out and try to enjoy

I enjoyed your bio and this thread and relate to a lot of it. Sometimes I miss physical closeness, but dealing with people is such an attachment oriented affair. I am NOT in the mood for dealing with selfish conservatives so most Okies are off-limits.

I empathize with your situation. Unfortunately, people think I'm much of the time.

I am absolutely enamored with this post. I'll contemplate it on my way home. -Ron

I've been divorced since October 2016 after 33 years of marriage. We actually separated in 2014. I'd be lying if I said I never get lonely (I do) but as an introvert, the solitude is not so bad for me. So, #1 applies to me, as does #4. That's one reason I'm on this site--to interact with other intelligent people, as I find non-theists to be (in general) more intelligent than religious people. Of course there are always exceptions, and I enjoy debate with those people. I work with people all day, so when I come home it's fine to just interact with my daughter (or both daughters, if it's my turn to have the youngest with me). I'm learning to enjoy the solitude, and though I would like to have a relationship at some point, I'm OK by myself.

I'm an introvert and I get annoyed with people quickly, so being alone doesn't bother me. When I'm in the mood for company, I go out with a friend and get annoyed in about two hours. Then I'll be grateful to be back home with my cat! Lol. Seriously, it makes it hard to date. Everyone seems desperate to jump into something right away. I also need to mention that I was in an abusive relationship for four years, so maybe that's why my current solitude is so precious to me.

Being a progressive, introverted, single dad with a 165 IQ and no formal college education stuck in the middle of oklahoma I'm thinking everything but five and six applies to me. But I don't put much stock in IQ scores. I know I have my issues with certain areas.

July 4 is my birthday so I do feel a bit lonely if I'm by myself

I feel a little lonely sometimes, but not greatly so. I sometimes feel on the fringe of the people I live among in real life, although I have a couple of close friends I talk with frequently over the phone or internet. I also have anothe close friend in real life. In addition to these, I have some neighbors who I see two or three times a week for a short time. I mainly feel that most of the people who live around are more or less conservative or religious, and I don't know of any other atheists living in my apartment complex. I'm also probably a little more intelligent than most of them, and more intellectual in my interests., That's one thing I like about agnostic.com -- I can find intelligent people, people who really think.

Sometimes your intelligence prevents you from "playing the game". It does me, anyway. I have the ability to attract a woman but when it gets down to silly sophomoric protocol I just find it demeaning. I want to say just what I feel, the attraction, the real feelings and also the apprehension. I feel all should be up front, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I want them to be where I'm at. My feeling cannot be hurt.

Am I lonely = Yes. I wuld really like to have that special lady in my life, but I do not think that will happen. I spend a lot of time alone, but also enough time with other people with whom I am generally on friendly terms. No intellectual stimulation. I have given up seeking intellectual stimulation, intelligence can be a curse, I will just say I am being lazy and maybe my IQ has dropped a little in the past 10 years. Not enough to make a big difference I am down 18 points due to aging, but still have noone to hold a decent discussion with on topics that interest me.
I stay very busy, finding shells on the beach gardening, playing with my animals is just as good for me as redesigning the local energy systems and networks, which is what I have in front of me at the moment. I have female company for bushwalks, conferences, coffee dates, I even have better than ocassional sex, not regular, but I am not climbing the walls = YET!.
None of this means I am not lonely, just not alone. I am just accepting that with turning 60 in a couple of minths, it is too late and I am too fussy, as are my potential mates.
BTW Love your Paul Simon take.

Wanting to share one's life is a delicate thing, I think. While I tremendously enjoy being out in nature, recreating in one form, or another (I actually crave it), I also desire the closeness and intimacy of a mutually respectful, loving relationship. The one relationship (a marriage) I've had that got anywhere close to including both of those desired circumstances ended with infidelity on her part. So, that was something of a disappointment. It has made me somewhat doubtful as to the prospects of that ever happening.

So, I experience a kind of loneliness of not being able to share and mutually enjoy my outdoor experiences greatly. With a number of relatively long term relationships behind me, that one ideal coupling has never been fully realized for me. I enjoy hiking, but mountainbiking is my "raison d'etre." I feel at this time that I, literally, cannot live without it. It has been the one constant in my life for some 26 years, during which I have, at times, very deeply immersed myself.

In terms of the enumerated stages above, I guess #'s 1 and 6 might apply, even though l do not feel that my demise is imminent. I do, however, remind myself almost daily that this day, indeed, this very moment, could be my last.

I have experienced several of the types: psychological,social, interpersonal, and existential, though I was not from death it was from disability. I too notice that headphones and the smart phone are ways to close ourself down from others. I am an advocate and like organizing. I have an emotional support dog that helps with the feeling. I am very friendly and outgoing but it takes some time to recharge. I found that in order to find friends I joined "Meet-Ups on the internet with like minded groups. I have only found one real friend. The rest are superficial friendships. I am lucky I live in a sea of red, but the one city I live in it is okay to think different and be different.

No; I have done enough, had enough & been enough to myself. I think because I am creative and open to change - Life hasnt been a breeze for me but i have done enough and learned so much that I feel good in myself - I think the terrible times till I was 15 and left home prepared me for all the joy that came later. People have come and gone out of my life and I didn't grieve forever new things always came up so on the whole I suppose i always have myself as an interesting person to play with

I think all 6 of them fit me. I admit loneliness in many forms and it will not get better. Part of that is my age. I favor younger women but do not have the money today to try this again and I do not need the stress. Years ago I viewed myself as a "Watcher" that sees everyone and what is going on, but does not get involved. I am not spontaneous really, and I am in control of myself. This doesn't make me much fun but I'm a good mentor.

Sure but only occasionally and I doubt it persists much longer. Its only 1 for me.

2,4,5 Social loneliness..I moved to a more Senior area and don't fit in. Intellectual loneliness.Extremely so!! where I live is horribly, intellectualy stifling. I found one other woman who I broached this issue with and she agreed but chose to 'dumb down' to have company! I prefer to communicate via computer and watch movies and documentaries that challenge me. Psychological lonliness. I'm dealing with protracted benzo withdrawal syndrome and since it isn't an easy one like cancer, the flu or a broken limb..no one tries to 'get ' it. At times I'm judged for being an addict (not the case in any way, shape or form! www.W-Bad.org), slowly everyone has dropped away except for my weekly helper and shopper, whom I adore as she is so funny and sharp and a peer support person that now comes weekly, I am isolated and the object of curiosity and gossip. I was widely liked and thought of, but since this befell me, I'm totally isolated. (what family I had in the area dropped away admitting they didn't understand what I'm enduring!!) Gee thanks, after I spent months caring for you during a bout with cancer.! So much for the concept of family. Thus, my life at this point. IF I survive, I guess I start from scratch, socially.

Wow... I've got to study this further, I think I feel enlightened and a little puzzled with the six types. If I may modify the "six types" identify with #1, #2 1/2 #3 1/2... #4*.... modifications might be a mixture of #2, combined with bits of #3, mixing with bits of #4. I've been somewhat of a loner, and have been alone now for 8 years, but rarely feel lonely.
I "usually" manage to spend time with friends on special occasions, 4th of July, christmas, and similar traditional holidays... was always easier in the past.
Then again... I knew a girl (lady) from Wenatchee, my last (latest,last) love, she fits right in with community you describe, I think a good person, but due to her "fundamentalist" religious and political bend, I'm happy where I am... I think. I seem to be surrounded by a similar thinking community, fortunately I don't have to sleep with them.
Reminds me of a lyric... I once knew a man named Magruder, . who met a young maid in Bermuder, . she thought it quite crude . to be screwed in the nude, . but Magruder was cruder and . screwed her.
I don't know why that lyric came to mind... Maui, Hawaii (Wenatchee) came to mind.

This is a great, thought provoking post! I had never really thought that there were different types of loneliness. Nor did I ever realize how many of us are lonely. It is nice to know that there are other people out there that feel the same way I do. I would say I fall under #1 and #2 mostly. @literatehiker you seem like a very interesting person to know. I enjoyed reading your profile. Where does one go to get an IQ test? I have never done one. For all I know, I could be smarter than Einstein. LOL. I highly doubt that though. I hate math!

Was married 27 years. She hid being an alcoholic for 15. The lsdt 3 she refused any source of help and it became clear many of our problems were caused by her making opportunities to drink or being under the influence. So now I am 47, atheist, non smoker, no drugs, and not super liberal. I stay busy during the week. But there is a big whole in my life and weekends are hard. Dating is hard because I have only ever known one woman and I don't know how much of what I liked or wanted was based on lies.

I have often felt as you so ably describe... I would say I suffer from all 6 types of loneliness on a bad day... Fortunately most of my days are good tho I live in a very isolated place, so it’s just as well ....

I find it interesting that you feel lonely having I high IQ I have felt the same way in the past. Very often people find me too intense and accuse me of using words they don't understand and seeing things from too complex of a view point. Often I have had to dumby down my language and content in speeches and discussions. Being hyper aware of the world around you comes at a price that price is that you often feel alone.

For me several things have helped. The first is to find what you love to do for me that is farming it is a challenge both mental and physically. Second is to learn to use the awareness and intellect to take in as much of the world around you as you can, I have learned to do this to the point where I live my life in a near state of amazement; really hard to find time to be lonely in that state. Third is to involve yourself in social justice within your community it is one of the places where your intelligence and awareness can be put to good use. Politics does not feel this need for me although I have involved myself in it several times; I find that there are too many game players involved in it.

For me the biggest thing has been to involve myself in the National Farmers Union here I have found many other kindred spirits. Not only do we share interests in farming but also that drive for great social justice. The other thing is that most are also extremely intelligent there are Ph.D's and many who are also members of Mensa. It would be useful for you to find to find something similar where you live.

High intelligence is not always valued in our society it often leaves people feeling uncomfortable with you because you are capable of higher levels of thinking and take in information quicker, more effiecently and are able to process and recall it more accurately and completely. Others do not like to be reminded of their failings.

Longing for intimacy is very human but, that seems to be a lot harder to find as we age but, that does not mean we need to be lonely.

I am alone, Not lonely. The loneliest I have ever felt, and it was Horrible, was when married to a man who professed to love me but proved Clearly that he did not!

I'm not sure that I am actually lonely. I often find myself on the fringes of a group, but it doesn't really bother me, other than occasional awkwardness. I am not a person who can talk to anybody, anytime. It takes me a while to connect. Other times, the stars align and I talk with everyone. It is strange, because, before I retired, I would walk into my exam room, with a woman who I had never meant, who was there for her initial OB visit, and immediately make a connection. We formed very close relationships from the first visit on to the day I retired. But, in a social situation, I am quiet, can't think of much to say, and just listen to others talk. I would say that instead of lonely, I am rather envious of the ability to talk to anyone in a social situation. I am also 71 years old, and after 25 years of marriage from the age of 19 years old, until I divorced, I love my life of living alone

Wauw, 77 replies! This is apparently an issue that moves a lot of people.