LINK Emma Watson says she's 'self-partnered'. Here's what that means — and why it's not a bad idea
I know exactly what she means. This is a better explanation.
Self-Partnered
What does that mean, exactly? Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist based in California sees merit in the idea. Manly describes the relationship status this way: "self-partnering focuses on the ideal of being happy and complete as a solo individual. A self-partnered person would feel whole and fulfilled within the self and does not feel compelled to seek fulfillment through having another person as a partner." That doesn't necessarily mean a self-partnered person doesn't date or never hopes to get married someday. It's that they're taking the time to know themselves first. "To be truly self-partnered, one must often invest a great deal of time and energy on personal development," says Manly.
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9 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.At 66, I'm happy being single. I love hiking, friendships, volunteering and being in charge of my life. I have fun every day.
I don't want to get married or live with a man. Men are too much work. My female friends are sick of their husbands.
With online dating, I met 16 middle-aged men who never learned to cook. These man-childs wanted a mommy to take care of them- doing all of the meal planning, cooking and housework- and great sex. No, thanks. Everyone loves the magic words, "Dinner is served."
In his book, I'll Mature When I'm Dead, Dave Barry wrote:
"My wife believes that men tend to have insanely high physical standards regarding the kind of woman they're willing to settle for. She notes than a middle-aged man can have tarantula-grade nose hair, body odor that can cause migrating geese to change course, and enough spare tissue to form a whole, new, middle-aged man, but this man still believes that he is physically-qualified to date Scarlett Johansson.
"What's wrong with these men?" my wife asks purely rhetorically. "Don't they have mirrors?"
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Feb 22, 2020
2
Totally baffling! I see it a lot.
You're single, but you still get to experience intimacy and sex when you choose. If that choice was available to everyone I think most of us would choose it.
After reading a bunch of these comments, it seems that being "single" is not the same as being "alone" - at least for many of you. And I know from reading posts from many of you who describe yourselves as "single", that you also have some intimacy, and some sex, with others. I'm struggling to wrap my head around this.
It has always been my experience that to find someone who is willing to be intimate with me, I am expected to forfeit my privacy, my independence, my time, my freedom.
How is it that so many of you are (apparently) not subject to those restrictions? Am I missing something?
BitFlipper
Level 8
Feb 19, 2020
2
Ok. Everyone is different and what they want is different. But yes, if you want someone else in your life those 4 things are going to change, to a lesser greater extent depending on the relationship that you cobble together with the person you choose to be intimate or have sex with.
Even fwb need some emotional support, generally 
Nobody is getting control of the remote or my money!
@girlwithsmiles I expect to share all 4 of those things,. But my experience is that I have to relinquish 100% of each. Maybe things have changed since 1998.
@BitFlipper Sounds like something worth looking into, have you ever done any assertiveness training or non violent communication, everything seems to be on YouTube these days, which is great. I went out with my friends at work on Friday and spent the rest of the weekend with my partner. We spent some of that time with his family. I was happy with all of it. I’m pretty sure he was too. But we discussed our plans in the week.
I’d be interested to learn about your experience, but perhaps it’s something for a Counsellor or someone at a local men’s group. Sorry.
She's young and beautiful. She has plenty of time. For those of us who are neither young nor beautiful, self-partnering sounds like another name for growing old alone.
BitFlipper
Level 8
Feb 19, 2020
1
If seen or put that way, sure, why not? What’s wrong with that? I don’t fear that. I’d much rather grow old alone than be with a human who doesn’t respect and doesn’t reciprocate..
@ForeignNata there are more than just those 2 options: growing old alone or being with a disrespectful partner.
@BitFlipper I don’t get your point, pls explain
@ForeignNata You listed two options for your future:
#1 growing old alone
#2 being with a partner who doesn't respect or reciprocate
My point is that there are more options available to you. You could, for example, choose to be with a partner who respects you and reciprocates. You probably already know that but discounted it due to frustration. For myself, I'm growing old alone while I continue to look for someone who can tolerate my company - my requirements are lower out of necessity.
Excellent thought be happy with yourself first then see what happens . A partner should compliment you and vice versa , each becoming a better whole and thinking about the other first
bobwjr
Level 10
Feb 19, 2020
2
I think that describes me to a T! I’m happily un-partnered ...or self-partnered if that is the current description. I was once happily married ...or partnered, but life changes and I’ve found a new happiness and contentment in being wholly in charge of my own life.
Marionville
Level 10
Feb 19, 2020
4
This is great! I am single, and I am not unhappy at all. I don't feel unfulfilled at all. It would be lovely to have someone in my life again, some day. But if not, I am whole just as I am. And I am not saying this is easy. It is not. I work hard to have a fulfilling life and it has paid off. If I meet someone it would be the icing on the cake so to speak, not the cake itself.
GreatNani
Level 8
Feb 19, 2020
7
I love this!
Being single has been demonized, with the assumption that there must be something wrong with you when you choose to remain solo. This is sometimes due to the options presented or available, not that one is impossible to live with or impossibly picky.
I ran into an acquaintance a few years ago, when I was unattached, who asked if I was married yet. He was more shocked, almost disgusted, when I answered no and also no to his follow up question, "you mean you've never been married.. not even divorced?"
In his view, after some clarification, it was better to be divorced than never married.
Alrighty.
Athena
Level 8
Feb 19, 2020
5
The world is so skewed when it comes to relationship status. There is nothing at all about being single. I was married for a long time. I felt like I was held hostage in my marriage because my life seemed to be centered around her life. It's not that way anymore and I appreciate my freedom because I know how it is on the other side. Now, I'm not opposed to having a relationship with another woman. I'm in no hurry and if/when she comes along, I will know she is the one for me.
@balou Thats much the same way I feel.
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