The soulmate ideal won't go away. You see it on dating profiles, rom-coms and the Bachelor.
The concept dates back at least to Plato's Symposium (c. 385–370 BC). Zeus, seeking to humble humans, split them in half, forcing us to wander in search of our other half: "So ancient is the desire of one another which is implanted in us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two and healing the state of man."
While romantic, this has done an an awful lot of damage: creating impossible-to-meet expectations, making people think a happy, healthy relationship isn't good enough, and tricking people into holding out for "the one."
Love at first sight? That's lust, hormones and chemicals.
The Science Behind Love at First Sight
"The brain quickly releases hormones and chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and adrenaline into your bloodstream, which make you feel extremely happy and excited. You feel like this is the one, and that everything will work out and you’ll be happy together forever. This reaction, actually, is very similar to how drug addiction feels. It’s like you've become addicted to that person in a very short span of time, and now all you want to do is think about them and be with them. "
To love is an action verb. This includes mutual problem-solving, growing together, seeing the good in each other, emotional and physical intimacy, enjoying each other's company, conversation, laughter and fun.
"He's very efficient," a woman I know said, looking at her husband with affection. "And I procrastinate. We used to fight about it all the time, but now we just work around each other."
"He lets me sit there and drink coffee in the morning while he bustles around. When we're on vacation, we spend one day doing what he want to- usually getting up early and driving to every bakery in town- and the next day the way I want to- sleeping in, strolling. But we had to learn that, how to sync up."
Here's my joke about soulmates:
Suddenly I'm running through a flowery field in a long white dress, birds and butterflies fluttering around, magically not tripping, sunlight highlights my hair, violin music swells with arms outstretched and into the arms of... What's that tingling feeling? Ticks.