One preacher at least is dead after ingoring stay at home warnings and having church services anyway.

@Triphid That is a horrible thing to say. You wish harm on humans?

Oh wouldn't it ever so wonderful to hear that Scam-artist, Pedophiles, and low lifes are a thing of the past. With this I agree.

@DavidLaDeau Hey, I don't consider those 'Rock-Spiders' (aka Paedophiles) to be human beings in the least, in my opinion they are less than vermin.

@Triphid Theist often consider agnostics and atheist not to be human beings. They actually do have a track record for murdering people. Lets just say the position is not justiable.

@DavidLaDeau I tend to think that we, the Atheists, etc, exhibit more humanity and human traits than do the majority of the Faithfools, but that is my opinion based on my own personal and wide ranging experiences.

@Triphid With that we both can agree.

Maybe he should try a different god! The one he's currently using seems to be a dud. Suggest an upgrade.

@AmyTheBruce LOL, I 've been think for yers now that I should suggest that he consider getting a brain transplant but I'm pretty certain that no matter where they sourced the brain from it, It would end up REJECTING him.

@AmyTheBruce LOL, oh how I often I wish I was a ventriloquist when he does his praying bit in his front yard, it'd be great fun to be able to 'throw' my voice (disguised of course) and say something like, " I'm sorry but you have reached a disconnected number," or, " Jesus no longer cares or gives a shit so please don't call again."

@Triphid That could be great fun! I imagine it takes years of work to become a ventriloquist, though. Maybe there is something easier... perhaps a remote speaker, placed somewhere in his yard (two or three speakers would be better, for that omnipresent stereo effect - and to make the source of the sound harder to locate.)

But why cut the game short by declaring the number disconnected? Think of all the ways you could mess with him long-term! When he prays in the front yard, have "God" question his motives. Do not speak when he has other evangeloons over - make him feel special. "God" has chosen him - and only him - to communicate with. Start fucking with him in little ways. Have "God" ask him whether he's wearing mixed fibers, and demand that he strip, right now, in the front yard, to check.

I'll have to give this more thought - I suspect that the possibilities are numerous.

@AmyTheBruce Ooooh, I do get the sensation that I like how you think something like the way I do.
A very good friend of mine has recently made a device that is WI-FI operated, uses a system that focuses the sound waves into a type of beam over a distance of up to 10 metres and causes the sound to seem like it is coming from within a room/building.
He also has a device that alters the voice to either sound like Darth Vader, a Dalek, one of the Chipmunks and many more including a very deep, booming, commanding voice ( kind of like an Army Drill Sargeant), I wonder if he's loan his little 'box of tricks' for a few days or a week or so.
Boy could I have some great fun with my Jesus Jockey neighbour using that gear, it would sure save me from sneaking into his front yard and moving his garden statue of Jeebus around every few nights.

@Triphid A ventriloquy machine! That's genius! (I hope your friend wouldn't mind me calling it that.)

Yes indeed, if you can borrow it for a few days...what fun! Do remember to end the week on a note of suspense, though, to keep the nut hoping for more. Or maybe, after a few days of commands, "God" could send him on some sort of a quest? A week or so into the outback?

That will give you some privacy for phase two.

That Jeebus statue might be useful in more ways than just moving it around. I wonder if there is some way that you could make it cry. Look, I'm no chemist, so I might be way off-base here, but...I think there are substances, like silica, that absorb and release moisture. Might a very tiny hole drilled in the corner of Jeebus' eye - and then filled with silica - absorb rainwater and then "cry" when things dry up?

If all of that is too complicated (or too risky, or not as scientifically sound as I imagine,) I do apologise. If it's doable, though, please provide updates on how it goes!

@AmyTheBruce Oh you and I MUST have been cast in the same mould, we are very devious people are we not?
I now have countless ideas running through my devious mind as to what to do, even your suggestion of making Jeebus 'cry' which is quite easy to do btw.
I think a 'nice' touch after a week or so of the 'Booming voice of God' coming from everywhere in his house would be to send him on a quest to spend 40 days and 40 nights in the Simpson Desert, a harsh, hard and very lonely place here in Australia and to demand that he then go " forth, climb the Red Rock called Uluru and await as I bring him my new set of Commandments."
That should keep him busy and out of everyones hair for quite a while UNTIL he gets arrested for Trespassing since Uluru has been closed to visitors climbing it since early this year.
Oh, btw, just rang and asked 'Whizz Kid' ( 67 years old but we call him Whizz Kid anyway) IF I could borrow his gear and told him why and the response was a definite YES and he will drop it around to me on the weekend.
Let the fun begin....LOL.

@Triphid Hooray! I love plotting this with you, and I love that this might actually happen! Yes, we may be birds of a feather in our devious humor (I suspect that you far outpace me in technical knowledge and application.)

I'm so glad that Whizz Kid is willing! I'm eager to hear how it goes.

I am having second thoughts about making Jeebus cry. How willing are you to take the chance that his place becomes a destination for his god-bothering friends and fellows? This is a real risk, and could make your neighborhood very unpleasant what with excess cars on the street, or nuts tramping across your lawn. Do assess this risk before moving forward.

(Perhaps "God" should tell him to keep these miracles to himself? To tell no one, lest Satan tries to sabotage things? That would keep your neighborhood quieter, and reduce the chances of a more savvy parishioner figuring things out.)

From your description of his antics, perhaps having to keep quiet about this will be the greatest torment of all! He will be bursting to tell!

@AmyTheBruce Oh, his God-bothering 'friends' are very few and far between atm, he was recently banned from the 'back-yard' church group he was with because he demanded a rebate of the $500 he had paid for the Hands-on Healing of his diagnosed 'Moron-A virus' infection.
And before anyone asks, YES, I had a somewhat big hand in diagnosing that as well, but that is another story, although a quite humour one as well.
So I doubt if anyone will believe any of his future stories of becoming the 'New Prophet of God' anyway.

@Triphid Yes, I do remember the hand you played in diagnosing moron-a virus. I can still hardly believe that he fell for it.

This is good news (for us) that he is not taken seriously by his church. It will be all the more profound when "God" chooses him for a revelation! "Behold, Evangeloon, for I have seen thee cast aside by doubters. I have not forsaken thee. It is thou, an imperfect vessel - such a very, very imperfect vessel - that I choose to bring forth my word."

@AmyTheBruce I've been trying to 'write' such a 'script' to use on the coming Sunday Evening when I intend to to do the first ' God Speaks' act.
Absolutely love your 'script,' though I will replace the 'Evangeloon' with something more akin to a kindly, divine addressing like, " My true and beloved Child......etc, etc."
Hopefully that will really grab his attention.
Oh, I just found amongst my old Chemistry set a substance that when sprayed on a surface gives it a 'glow' like a fire/flame and is almost completely undetectable by touch or taste, might give it a test run tonight by spraying his Jesus statue just before sunrise as he gets up then to doing his praying bit around then.

@Triphid This just gets better and better! Hmm...a reddish glow...where will you spray it on the statue?

Do you want to take this in a "Yea, I am mighty" sort of direction, or more of an "avenge me!" sort of direction?

If there is a reddish glow over Jeebus' heart, that speaks of power and love, (a little cliché, but tried and true,) and will be powerful for exciting his devotion.

If, on the other hand, this loon is the "waiting for the rapture" kind of nut, he might be more moved by a glowing wound on Jeebus' side, where the soldier stabbed him. (This would be even better if you sprayed the blade of a lance and left it nearby, but you probably don't just have a spare lance lying about, do you?)

Yes, of course "my beloved child" is a much better way to call him. I just got carried away with silliness (and, of course, I don't know his actual name.)

@AmyTheBruce Actually I was considering spraying his most beloved pot plant that he claims he grew from the seeds given to him by his now ex-friend, Paul Skelley, Pope Paul as I call him in rude jest, who told him that they came from the bushes that grew where the blood of Jeebus touched the ground as he died.
In truth it IS just a very stunted, scraggly example of native Australian Emu Bush and by spraying the bush with the chemical it might just look like the 'Burning Bush from the Moses myth' to him.