Thanks. Have you been lonely?

@lerlo Not really. Not for a long time.
As I said in another thread, as soon as I realized I preferred my own company, loneliness ceased to be an issue.

Thanks

Pretty sure I've never been alone in a hospital. When I'm there they never leave you alone and even wake you in the middle of the night. But assuming you've experienced both fear and loneliness want to explain why loneliness is worse?

Thanks. Good point. Have you experienced fear?

@lerlo Yes, I have.

I thought about that today too. But it begs the question because you're not lonely yet, just in fear. But nice try.

Not sure I agree that loneliness is out of your control. You can go try and make friends or mingle with people, but as I typed that, I realized that if it doesn't work, you're still lonely. I'm pretty sure fear can wreak havoc on the psyche too. Thanks for the input.

@lerlo You're welcome.

Over thinking a cause of fear?

Well then I guess I'd like to hear your remedies.

@lerlo Sure, first regarding loneliness. I look at this in two ways. First, I put myself in situations in which I have an opportunity to interact with others. No social interaction is too small or insignificant. I engage everyone with a smile, bright eyes and a sincere, “good morning or good afternoon.” A positive, friendly, welcoming social interaction will go a long way (Interesting enough, there is some good science behind this approach). Of course, not everyone is open this, at least not at first. Many people do warm up over time. I don’t take it personally. People are busy and often distracted, but generally, I find most people welcome a friendly interaction. Second, I’m engaged in several creative activities that I work on during those quite moments when I am alone. This has changed what it means to be alone. Now I look forward to those moments of solitude to work on my good stuff. Regarding fear, my approach to loneliness really mitigates this, but when I occasionally go down the rabbit hole I just determine if there is anything I can do influence what it is that I am being fearful about. If there is, I just do them. If there isn’t, I take breath and move on. Just like the Roosevelt quote, “The only think to fear is fear itself.” Thanks for asking.

@arca2027 Thoughtful. Thanks

Just as on facebook I have a problem "liking" such a comment when it's obviously so painful, so I didn't. I certainly get it. But have you had fear? Is this really worse?

As I've said, it is for me....

Want to explain?

@lerlo I have been lonely, extremely lonely for almost a year at a time, knowing no-one in the area . And I have been afraid, I am terrified of heights for example I have been held at gun point. They don't compare.

@Rugglesby thanks

I'm guessing you could just as easily either convince yourself that those important to you are safe or in some way make sure they are right? But yes, as I said it's all subjective. Thanks

I'm reading your words and feeling your pain, NothinnXpreValls.

Sorry for your loss.

Thanks. Want to share why?

@lerlo I have never known loneliness to destroy lives completely

@LadyAlyxandrea Lots of lonely people have committed suicide...

@lerlo most were lonely because of fear

I guess that means you haven't experienced loneliness yet

I meant to add, that it can vary on a daily basis, a lot of the time I want to be left alone and other times I really need to be socialising. Fears come and go as well, depending on my frame of mind.

I'm pretty sure if you don't know you're afraid, you're not.

Even the most self-conscious among us have less conscious or unconscious fears. Fear isolates us before we are even aware of it-- thus the loneliness.

Have you experienced both? Loneliness is pretty negative.

@lerlo

Sure, but it was necessary to study and work.

Well yes you flunked the question since it's for people who have felt both. Congratulations for never having felt fear but here are some examples. Fear when being discriminated against of someone beating you up or worse. Fear of being fired from a job. Fear of being paralyzed when being rolled into your first back surgery. Just some examples.

@lerlo I am had being very lucky... very, very lucky... as a kid in a tough neighborhood went thru a lot of fights but never had fear of being beaten up (comes with the territory). Being fired? What to fear? Almost got murdered while wife was 8month pregnant... lost my fear of dying as a child. Lost my first best friend at 11 so learned earlier we could lose at any moment a love one. Never had a lover dying on me. Loneliness? We are born alone once cord is cut and so we will die. Life has prepared me for your question. But somehow your question don't Jive. Well anyways folk songwriter Facundo Cabral said "I HAVE EVERYTHING IF I DIDN'T LACKED FEAR AND HE ALSO SAID HOW CAN I BE LONELY WHEN I AM WITH ME"

@GipsyOfNewSpain Congrats on being immune to life. Some people aren't as immune. The mind can rationalize anything, which I guess brings up the point that you can talk yourself out of loneliness and fear. As for the fear of being fired, some people don't want to lose income and end up homeless. I'm sure you're immune to that too

@lerlo I am Retired with 3 checks coming, 3 adult children and a lot of stablished caring family and being fired, what stop me from finding another job? About the loneliness? Divorced for 18 years... not once I felt the urge of "I need another wife". She is working on husband nr 3. Life is what you make of it. My apologies if you enjoy fear and loneliness or you are puzzled by how affect you. I served 20 years in the military to ensure a check every month, Retired at 62 to be able to say I didnt die without ever retiring. Life is what you make. I got a good set of skills to avoid feeling loneliness without a benefit. I can entertain myself... "don't be afraid of life or you will die lonely.". I hope you overcome your issues and prosper to happiness. You made it to 62 so you had proved to be a Survivor... and for that I Salute you.

@GipsyOfNewSpain Not getting hired stops you from getting another job. Nice that you have 3 checks--and if you didn't? I have two myself--doesn't stop me from being too old and over qualified to get hired. Because I ask the question doesn't imply I'm suffering from either loneliness or fear. As you probably understand, you have to be in someone's shoes to understand their problems completely which is why I asked for people who have been both to respond. Youve been lucky not to fear being fired and have decided apparently not to be lonely or fearful, yes, mind over matter I suppose.

Guessing you've never been lonely then?

Lonely-no. Crowded-yes

Thanks. Want to share why?

loneliness is just a bit boring but panic attacks scare the shit out of me with a feeling of impending doom. this problem has literally shaped my life.

thanks