There is no such thing as god or gods, your life as it is only means you are passing through a set of experiences that will change and pass at a rate depending on how much time and effort you are willing to put in.
Get some counseling or just chat, forget religion it is a waste of time, stop blaming and start solving and doing.
You are old enough and have been through enough to know better than to write anthems to self pity like the above.
Find friends, make friends and if you can't because of were you are are or live, make friends here, most of us don't bite.
You will be amazed how quickly things can and do turn about.

You can ask the same questions about the green leprechaun or Zeus or Shiva or the flying spaghetti monster. None of them are real and none of them ever existed. They were all created by men. If you want to have friends, go out and meet people and be nice. No one's life is more important than yours. You have to believe that you are a unique and wonderful person, and do not look to others to validate your worth. If there is a rift between you and your family, then you have to make an effort yo fix it and if they do not except you for who you are, then it is their lost. You control your life and how you want to live while on this earth. If you keep looking and waiting for other people to validate who you are, then you will never fully live your life. Again "THERE IS NO GOD". An imaginary being cannot hate or love you.

The first thing to realize, and this is hard to do, is the God, as you been told about in books, by friends, by religious figures, does not exist.

I'm not going to say there isn't a god. I don't know that.

All i can say truthfully is I don't what god is or even if one exists.

That means there is no reason to think god hates you, or even that god is capable of having emotions comparable to human emotions. For the same reason there is no reason to hate God. Might as well hate an atom or the number 2. It serves no purpose.

Now the love and belonging you feel depends on the people you connect with. It may be you no longer connect with religious feelings and thus don't connect with religous people anymore.

That's okay. Just like Saturday Morning Cartoons, we grow out of religion and desire more complex ideas to satisy our intelectual and spiritual needs.

This may sound silly, but I suggest taking college courses in physics, chemistry, biology...all the major sciences. Truly try to understand the spirit of the scientists and the science and I promise, you will have find a new spiritual satisfaction in those ideas.

Science gains it's knowledge directly from the universe. If god exists, and god created this universe, the science is the best study of god's creation we have, and can be an insight for you into god's mind and thinking.

Magical imaginary beings neither love you nor hate you. It's up to you to pull yourself up, if you can't do it alone then seek help.

Want you? For what? A slave? A servant? If you still hold to a belief in a deity, my recommendation is that you first redefine the characteristics of your God into one who would accept you. The sneer of the God that most of us are taught to believe in is often more distressing than the so-called allurement of a devil. Get rid of that god, and find yourself a new one.

I too used to hate God, but I came to realize that I was only hating the concept or definition of a God that had been presented to me in my upbringing. During my journey away from God, I first needed to reject the very notion that any religious tradition, or so-called holy book, much less any human being (dead or living), could possibly know its/his/her attributes. And so if all Gods have been and are created by humans, why accept somebody else's definition?

Eventually, I came to realize even after I had my own personal God, that he really wasn't even there, and that I was just praying to myself. At that point the burden was lifted, and with great relief, I've never looked back.

Hi Leslie,
I'm sorry you're feeling down about yourself and the situation you find yourself in. You've been given a lot of advice here telling you not to worry about what god thinks of you because he or it doesn't exist. While that may be true, it probably isn't going to help you to realize that the choice of being happy or not is up to you and you alone. Nobody can do it for you. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear. I'm sure it's easier to put it all on god and accept your fate but that's simply not how it works. It is simple however. You can start by loving yourself. If you find that hard to do, start small and find one thing about yourself that you like and then build on that. Find your happiness and share it with others. The Universal law of attraction is that the energy you put out to the World will come back to you big time. So, if you put out positive energy and smile and laugh, then that's what you'll be getting back from others. Love, and acceptance from others come out of loving yourself. You don't need to be perfect or put on some kind of act to show how good you are. Just be you and attention to what's working for you and what's not. Oh, and most of all, you need to know you're not alone in feeling this way. You're not wrong, you're just not being present to what's real and what's imagined. Life is a beautiful adventure so go ahead and live it.

As an atheist, my answer to the first question would be that god doesn't love any of us because he's not real, but I don't think you're ready for that yet.

Moving on, I don't know why you feel that your husband's life is more important than yours. It's not. He may be happier and get more fulfillment from life, but your life is as important as anyone's. It really seems like you have very little self-esteem. There are ways you can work on that. Maybe starting with seeing a counselor/therapist.

Friends? That's a tough one for me. I don't make friends readily. I think maybe the first thing would be find a way to meet people with whom you have common ground. Any activity from volunteer work to book clubs can put you in contact with people who may potentially be friends. Reach out.

Again finding a therapist to talk to may help you work through things. At least a therapist could make better suggestions.

So you are not so much agnostic, as you are a believer who feels slighted and neglected by the abrahamic god? I had that phase as a teenager when I was pissed that God did not "heal me" despite all the prayers and "faith healing" ceremonies I went to. I think it was this anger and resentment that started me on my slow path towards agnosticism. Good luck to you and your journey to non-belief.

Because with or without god you must learn to love yourself.
Men tried to teach women for centuries that to do so is to selfish and through religion they attempted to make it a sin.

So even though it may feel complicated and potentially cause some painful changes in your life you must say to the world that Leslie is going to be given the respect and love that she deserves.

And if those for which you’ve given so much of yourself to fails to acknowledge and embrace you then they need to be out of your life.

I’m just saying that when they say that we’re created in gods image that it’s actually backwards. God is created in our image so therefore we are our own gods and goddesses.
And we create our own world for which we share with others

Sounds like you need to give up religion. You can't hate what isn't real. What objective evidence do you have any god or gods are real.

Many people here are just mad at God so you've found a home

God doesn't exist, therefore he cannot want me. Hating on Mickey Mouse and imagining mickey mouse hates you, it's all in your head, clear your mind, focus on now, feel the peace. Why must I be alone most of the time? I have the power to leave the house, I have the power to meet others, all I have to do is take action. Gratitude is something else, look for reasons to be thankful rather than complain, what if you lost your left arm? Repeat the mantra: my life is just as important as anyone else's. On friends, I'm no good at that either, so i can't help you there, I've heard the best way to bake a friend is to be a friend. You're being ungrateful, you have many things, you still have your arms, you just need to be grateful to see what you do have, you sound like a whiny ...eh, but yeah, think of things to be grateful for, some kid is paralyzed for life and you're whining about trivial things. Not saying other people's tragedies will make you feel better, but I'm saying it could be worse!!!! You feel isolation, family ignoring you, hmmmm, seek connections!!! You're here because you want to be here!! We suffer, but we also enjoy life as well.

If you can stop believing in God you can also stop believing that your lot in life is intentional. My life sucks too, but it could get better at any time.

I'm looking for opportunities to improve my life. I've found plenty of problems that are caused by nature, and at least I might be able to get a grip on some of those. Maybe you could try that too.

Perhaps, if there were indeed a god, what you have stated my have some validity. However (IMO), there is no god, therefore all that happens in one's life is random happenings, a bit of luck one way or the other, and decisions one makes for themselves along the way.
I wish you well and success in finding what you are searching for in life and the fulfillment of your hopes and dreams.

Because god is an asshole. A narcissistic, egotistical, psychotic, psychopathic, raging asshole. There's no love anywhere in that silly book people who claim to be believers keep thumping and trying to shove down everybody's throats.

My question is why are you HERE? This is not a religious site...there is no God and you need help. I hope you will find it.

Your feelings are chemistry in your brain that has developed over hundreds of thousands of years and respond to the stimulus of your environment. God doesn't feel as it is not necessary at that stage of evolution. Existence revolves around connections, perceiving the same or similar reality as the entities around you. Know that your existence in this perception is all that is needed to validate your experience and seek to find people that you make happy and you are happy with.

Trying to figure out what gods want, regardless of whether they exist or not, is a waste of time.
Your loneliness is either rooted in your genetic makeup or your childhood. Mine is rooted in both.

You seem to equate god with success or happiness; as if these things are bestowed upon you rather than accomplished by effort.
If you feel alone and unloved around the people in your life, find other people. It's easy to assume your personal circle represents all mankind has to offer. It doesn't. Go out and find someone that fulfills you.

Why would an invisible non-existent being want you? It is possible to find common deceptions about this in a church somewhere but I prefer not to fool myself.

It doesn't make sense to hate God when you're an agnostic. There is no such a thing like having a disturbed relation with God. Many people had been raised without religion and they don't want to be bothered with religion. I wouldn't dare to start talking of God in a non religious family. Else, the family would wonder if I have had some narcotics or too much alcohol. Most agnostics aren't lonely because they're too busy and they may want to read about different religions because it helps to understand history and politics and religious wars. Many agnostics want to understand why there had been religious organizations that slaughtered educated and peaceful people.

Do you know why you are so isolated? (Did you move and lose you're old circle of friends - do you find you don't enjoy the people you are introduced to? Are you too depressed to enjoy other people's company? Etc...).

If you were still religious I'd actually suggest you discuss this with your Rabbi.

As you are wavering - well a Rabbi could still be a resource - but I'll stand by my recommendation of the Suicide Helpline - they know resources.
[suicidepreventionlifeline.org]

You sound like you need help picking a path and finding a way forward.
In fact It sounds very much to me as though you have had realizations - but don't quite know how to sort them out.

I realize you've had bad therapy experiences - I'm not sure entirely what went wrong? But it sounds like you need a "talk therapist".

That or a Life Coach. (You can Google that - but beware - anyone can call themselves that).

Has to exist first

Leslie, your post seems irrational to me. If you're saying that god hates me, I hate "him", god doesn't want me etc. indicates that you believe in that god. Seems to me that you're just not happy with yourself as a person. Isolation and lonliness is a situation that can be changed thru your own effort. Are you opening yourself to people for friendship? Looking to and blaming a nonexistant "god" just diverts your attention from your most needed issue; personal growth. Take care.

If there were a God, and it knew everything, then it knew you would be atheist. So you're good

First they say that "god" is a loving god . . . . yet you are not feeling loved . . . . you should understand a lie when you hear it, based on your experience, it really is as simple as that . . . . there is no verifiable evidence that god exists. The parasites have strong motives to continue the lie though . . . power and money. It is simple to understand, not complicated or obscure, you just have to face the facts.