Thoughts? A lot. There is healthy forgiveness and not-so-healthy. The unhealthy would be akin to turning a blind eye and becoming a doormat for hateful and selfish people to continue to abuse and misuse.

Healthy forgiveness is about emotionally accepting something happened and moving on. It is mostly for the benefit of the forgiver. It does NOT mean being blind to wrong-doing. To forgive does NOT mean to turn around and allow yourself to be abused again. Forgive, but don't forget.

It DOES MEAN accepting that people are fallable, including being selfish and short-sighted, that life is not fair, and expecting it to be guarantees disappointment and resentment. Striving to focus most on the many things we have to be grateful for, rather that our many perceived slights of justice, helps us to be able to forgive and move on with life.

forgiving ones self can be very hard at too at times until you learn to love your self for whom you are

I could only think of this:

I find it difficult to forgive when a person unendingly demeans, attacks, and deliberately hurts you, knowing what effect it has on you and on the relationship itself. Mistakes, errors in judgment, or a simple occasional lapse in civil behavior I can forgive readily.

Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the person who wronged you to die. You forgive to be at peace with yourself. And yes, it is hard to do.

Choosing not to forgive does not mean I sit around stewing about the wrongs done to me. I don't dwell on them. I don't feel, however, that I owe the wrongdoer forgiveness, especially when they feel no remorse. I do not forgive him. He does not deserve to be forgiven. It would not make me feel better to say I forgive him when I don't feel it, and it certainly would nave no effect on him one way or another, since we no longer make contact. He has his world now, and I have mine. He can either rot or not. I won't know.

The most important thing about forgiveness is to forgive yourself for having put up with such a situation for so long or at all.

Yes, unforgiveness can hurt those who cannot forgive. It is an important lesson to learn .but forgiveness does not mean letting someone walk all over you.

I forgive, but I don't forget.

Not all deserve forgiveness.. If they don't show that they are really sorry, well, they don't get my forgiveness

If a person wrongs me, and I confront them, and they genuinely apologize and make an effort to keep from wronging me like that in the future, I have no problem forgiving them. However they may not have the same trust I gave them before.

If a person wrongs me, and I confront them, and they argue to justify their actions, not acknowledging that what they did was wrong and make no effort to amend, then I do not forgive them. I write them off, and cut them out of my life.

If a person wronged me, and has since died, without acknowledging or apologizing for the behavior, such as an abusive parent, there is nothing I can do but forgive them as they must not have known better, but I do, and I can live a good life making sure I don't perpetuate the same wrongs.

Yes, there were specific people in mind for the 3 examples above. It helps me to have these rules in my head, in case I'm confronted with another life altering experience where I can just speedily deal with it instead of unending days of turmoil. Easy simple - apologize and don't do it again or you're gone! I don't have time for turmoil in my life anymore.

Meditation helps.

Some people are simply not worthy of forgiveness. I've learned this the hard way, but now I understand!!!

Forgiveness yes, forgetfulness no!

I prefer to think of it as “letting go”

There are precious few things in life that we can control, the actions and intentions of others are not counted among those few. I would rather spend my worries on the things I can change than to continue to rub salt on an old wound. If your hand becomes gangrenous, the doctor will cut it off, if a relationship becomes toxic, shouldn’t you perform the same surgery? I think that forgiveness is just another way of saying “I’m not going to dwell on this anymore” but the important lesson needs to be learned, and some lessons are more expensive than others.

Depending on the situation/transgression, forgiveness, I feel, is always possible, but should follow a sincere apology. Agree on what others have said here about self-forgiveness.

Forgiveness ,At times that can be easy or very hard ,I had a situation with a brother that happenned and could not get it out of my mind for decades over money .when i finally found away for him to make amends and he did ,It left my mind and really have never thought about it since ,somethings next to impossible to let go of and other things very easily one can ,sometimes family is the hardest as they are the ones who should know better in the first place ,

Distance and time helped me to release the hurt and happy to know that the past doesn't hold me captive.

To forgive does not equate to allowing yourself to be abused further. I can forgive and be wise enough to know if they deserve to be allowed back into my life in any manner or not. I believe you are similar. It's not holding a grudge to not allow them back in....it's self respect and self protection. Grudge holding is as you have stated in my estimation and a total waste of our time.

Forgiveness generally benefits the forgiver as much as or more than the recipient.

I agree with Nixon on one thing. "Living well is the best revenge."

I was just thinking of this yesterday. Forgiveness does not come easy to me sometimes

I think one can, and should, forgive without returning to a "normal" relationship with others.

I depends.

If the act reflects what they are, and what they are is bad, then no. You don't have to stew about it, but you also do not need to forgive.

If is just an act, they can always be forgiven. In most cases I do.

Yeah, I had a terrible cycle of forgiving, encouraging better behavior, then the same mistake comes back worse. And I was the bad guy, because I said hey... I don't do this kind of stuff to you.. when are you going to learn? Then I found out she was successfully hiding an alcohol addiction from me, even then.. let's get you help.. maybe we can fix this.. But no.. exactly at the point you mention.. I don't forget, and if I can't trust, then forgiving is just me hurting myself.