Do you really think that that's why they're sent out to proselytize? You could be on to something there...that certainly wasn't my impression when I was in the church, being told to spread the word, but I was good and indoctrinated, so maybe I couldn't see it for what it was. Maybe they really were setting us up to fail, so that we would return to safety! That's a disturbing thought.

Regarding how you might engage them: I'm not so sure that either arguing OR being "polite and charming" is the best way to go. For me, anyway, the conversations that had the biggest affect on me were neither confrontational nor super-polite. The conversations that really shook me were full of questions. "How do you know that's true?" "Are you sure?" "But why would God do THAT?" "Is an older text more reliable than a newer one, really?"....and so forth.

True, this is something that people have to puzzle out for themselves. But you can help them along by asking questions. (If you're so inclined, I mean - there's no obligation! But I am still grateful to those who took the time to do so.)

@AmyTheBruce
I believe the send them out to fail method of indoctrination is a well recognized thing, which has been written up in some fairly mainstream medical/psychology papers. Another member gave a link to one of them some time ago, if I can still find it, it was a long time ago I will pass you the link.

Yes the asking questions, is the thing, charming and polite was just an coment on the way to do it best of course.

@AmyTheBruce so what did change your mind ? Mist people who strong controlling religious are really difficult to convince of anything other than what they were taught???

@Akdd333 There were a lot of little things, over the years, that worked to gradually erode my religion...and big things, that shook it up all at once. When remembering what changed my mind, I sometimes think of only the big "Ah-hah!" moments, as though they could have existed without the gradual erosion. The truth is, though, that the castle probably wouldn't have fallen if its foundation hadn't been already eaten away by years of little questions.

Those asking me the difficult little questions, over the years, probably didn't think that they were making any difference. They probably thought that they had wasted their time. And when I finally shed religion (suddenly, loudly, dramatically,) many people took guesses about the cause...but only looked at events and arguments in the recent past.