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She believes and I dont

I am at a point in my life where I might want to settle down and start a family. Is it possible as an athiest to have a meaningful and happy relationship with someone who is a believer? How do you settle child rearing in such a situation? Has anyone made this work?

This was question was hypothetical. As I am entering the dating world for possibly something long term it is a thought that comes to mind. A girlfriend once dumped me when she found my Christopher Hitchens books and Sam Harris podcasts.

Davidthinks 7 Apr 7
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19 comments

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0

Not quite the same thing, but my ex was a spiritualist and very much believed in ghosts and an afterlife. Always looking for things like 'orbs' in photos. Their scientific explanation is one of dust caught in the flash, so close to the lens that it's massively out of focus. But she firmly believed they were signs of the presence of spirits.

I believed none of it. Yet of the many problems that we had in the relationship, none of these ever featured. We each knew that the other didn't share our belief, but never felt the need to prove each other wrong or convert them to our way of thinking.

Kids make it interesting. But if you can agree to let them make up their own minds, then that's workable too.

0

Good thing you were dumped by a girl....a pregnant woman or spouse would take 40% of your income keep your house and many courts would deny you custody or frequent visitation unless you show the court HIGH INTELLECTUAL AND ETHICAL ASSETS BACKED UP by a caring community or large extended family of Atheists. ....save yourself the risk of an evil cunt believer who fails to convert you with her twat. ....marry an ethical Atheist woman. ....signed by a lifelong Feminist Atheist

0

No, It is difficult. I have done it. When the novelty wears off, and it will, you are faced with each other and one will ask to have dialog as the other will fall into god. It does get messy.
In additon, living together means communicating with each other. You must be on the same page or plan for a divorce

EMC2 Level 8 Apr 16, 2018
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I would never put up with proselytizing, of course, but it's never been an issue with me, at all. I love my ex dearly, and she is a practicing Catholic. Interestingly enough, we were together for 19 years, and she never went to Mass. Now that she's moved away, she goes almost daily. I had to laugh the other day, speaking with her over the phone. She said, "I missed Mass. God damn it." Definitely tickled me.

My current girlfriend is Christian, and I made it clear, very matter of factly, that I am an atheist. There's been no discussion of it.

0

Don't do it is the simplest way for me to answer this. It will create contension and misery.

0

Sounds like a whole lot of drama you can do with out. Depending on how strong their beleifs are, just get ready for the fall out once you air your belief of non beleiving. If they are ok with it, then perhaps it may work but every situation is different.

0

I tried it twice. The first was a Scientologist, the second a Catholic. Long story short; Magical Thinking and Rationality do not mix. It could only be worse with a child in the mix. You will be driven to help them rationalize their way through life. Your SO will want them to look to magic (of one sort or another) to solve their problems.

That said, there are some people who are Jewish or Catholic by culture, not by belief. I have little to no experience with this, so "crap shoot"!!!

0

It will be a big challenge, I got device because of different believes ,if going for it don’t expect any changes from the religious person, what you see is what you get.

0

If I was in that situation I would want to know what our points of connection and points of departure were. Putting aside dogma for a moment, how do the core principles and values line up with the two of us. If values and principles line up well, it seems there is a good chance to have a successful future.

1

I hate to be a naysayer, but the kid thing is going to be a deal breaker. At some point one or the both of you will reach a point where "the future of the child" is going to be a flash point. Sad to say and sorry to tell. But that's my two cents.

1

You are doomed.

1

My wife is strngly Catholic. I am agnostic. I agreed to let our son be baptized and have communion. I try not to talk about religion. She used to take our son to Mass, but gave up because he is an atheist and not shy about telling everyone and anyone.

0

theoretically, if you both accept that the other has their own beliefs, and don't try 2 sway each other, it can be done. i have exactly 1 friend couple who has made this work for them. they both are open with the kids about their beliefs, without attacking the other person directly. the kiddos then decide, whenever they feel ready, what exactly they believe.they currently have one agnostic 10 year old, a christian 13 year old, and an as of yet undecided 5 year old

Byrd Level 7 Apr 7, 2018
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I think it's a trick situation but I do believe it's possible. I guess it all depends on how strict they are about their beliefs.

0

I can only see a conflict.

2

I'm struggling presently, with someone who is a god person. I have to admit , it's eating at me on a regular basis. Even though we respect one another's viewpoints, sometimes he comes out with stuff that just causes me to squirm. Don't know if I can do this long term ...

0

Anything is possible, but it's not really probable.
You're probably going to be much better off finding someone who shares your lack of belief.
Unless you're prepared to fight over every major decision. One thing, I wouldn't give an inch
on raising kids away from religious influence. The religious indoctrination of children should be
considered child abuse, and should be illegal.

0

Is it possible? Sure. Two people who are committed to a relationship could absolutely make it work if willing to put in the work.

What you have to do though, is get ahead of issues like child rearing, family gatherings, church... Make sure you know each other's beliefs, honestly ask yourself do you respect the other's beliefs and do you love them enough to commit to that relationship despite your different worldviews?

I have a daughter that goes to a Lutheran private school even though I'm an atheist. I wanted her in that school because they're one of the top private schools in my state for K-8. When it comes to what they teach her spiritually, I'll let her mom handle those questions or tell her to listen to her teachers. When she's old enough if she wants to talk about why I'm an atheist I'll respectfully have that decision. I don't think parents should force their beliefs on their kids. Let them develop those on their own and if I raise an intelligent, rational girl, we'll have the faith discussion someday.

MrHIT Level 5 Apr 7, 2018
0

You two need to talk to each other.

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