Objectively, anyone and everyone is allowed to be true and selfless and everybody genuine is glad when anyone else is. Bible and church doctrines are meant to be addressed to christians.

Saying anyone else is bad by definition is an unworthy interpretation and moreover such people are unable to explain what is meant by "relationship with" their god, therefore it is our plain duty before ourselves and the universe to either ignore an unposed question or be open about it (as we please), to try to keep those people out of our hair, and try to be tactful but firm with them as far as appropriate.

My case only differs from yours superficially in that the "believers" I know (whom I don't live with) kid themselves my beliefs are acceptable to them (or perhaps they are though not identical).

The word "selflessly" does not apply to any religious group. To these people everything is done for an eventual reward and so is selfish, arrogant and greed based.

Only Christians believe their own propaganda....why are you asking this question of us? This is something you need to debate with them not us.

Christian love is transactional. Everything they do is based on the reward they expect to get.

They would like you to think so

Hell no! In it's essence, a relationship with the Christian God puts up inherent barriers to true selfless love. How can love be true or selfless when only allowed to apply to those who share a belief in a nonexistent 'being' to the exclusion of all others who may have a different belief system or no religious based belief system at all? Not to mention, as you say, the gender roles applied to the Christian belief system also work against true selfless love within that group of shared beliefs.

Love has nothing to do with God. I'd say even that religion can warp love we and affection if followed to the extreme rules of the Bible and gender roles. People need to think for themselves and get out all abusive and manipulate relationships, and no amount of prayer is going to change an abusive partner on its own.