Agnostic.com

53 8

Are we meant to be with one person forever?

Since half of marriages end in divorce it seems fair to ask if people should commit to someone "forever."
Marraige and love consists of layers and things could be examined within. Things like open relationships and seperating sex from love gives some relationships options, but they still return us to the main question (Are we meant to be with one person forever).

What is your opinion on life-long monogamy and/or the purpose of marraige?

Millzy 5 Apr 8
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

53 comments (26 - 50)

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

2

I suspect if you lucked up and found the person that worked well, with your personality, then I believe you could be with and happy with ...that person for a lifetime! I think it is the luck-of-the-draw!

1

The purpose of Marriage is to create a stable financial and emotional contract that allows you to birth and raise children. The problem with the Christian idea of Marriage is that people are encouraged to commit to this arrangement before they know themselves. That really does not matter however, because religions are only concerned about procreation, about creating new members, and they care nothing for self knowledge or fulfillment......As for your other question, are we meant to practice monogamy? As a species (Primates), reproduction does not require life long pair bonding; in most primate groups, there is a dominant male who does all the breeding, so you can see that our concept of marriage has been changed by culture.....Until just recently, men could have as many wives as they could afford, and so they were not frustrated by the constraints of fidelity. I also think that the Nuclear family is unstable and is producing low quality children, so we will see what happens.

1

Well forever will only be about 20 years now, so doesn't seem so bad 😉

1

We've recently celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. Sure we've had arguments but divorce has never been remotely under consideration. But it can't be that way for everyone, and in many cases it shouldn't be. As for 'meant to be', that phrase suggests that someone or something 'means' us to be, which I don't go along with at all.

1

I do not think humans have 'evolved' to the point where their personal preference or societal demands will keep them together 'forever'. That would take being locked in a physical cage. Marriage 'foreverness' is a religious fallacy and unrealistic societal demand. Perhaps the opposite is true as more people are choosing to delay marriage until later, forgo marriage altogether or be poly...which I would -love- to experience...if I found those kinds of special people. Many marriages occur because of archaic laws that don't allow partners to share insurance and other benefits to help them make a modern family work. After three marriages, I feel I've had enough of it...but who's to say in the future that I may be forced to marry if my partner get sick and I want to provide my insurance or death benefits to her, him or they? In that case laws and policy are driving your decision, not love...and that is a recipie for failure. There just has to be a better way to prove your love and committment to your partner(s) (if your relationship needs that) without entering into the La Brea Tar Pit of marriage. Moving forward, marriage is the last option I'll ever consider again, but I realize circumstances may arise that might make it the more pragmatic decision. Reasons for marriage will look very different in your 60's and beyond than they did 40 years previously.

1

I don't believe in monogamy. I think humans are more suited to be polygamous sexually but regarding their emotions there will always be favorites. I think humans are able to love and care for multiple people but only because they choose to not because they have to which the same could be said for choosing to be with just one. You are allowed to change your mind over time because people do change and can naturally grow apart. When that happens they should be free to go their separate ways.

SamL Level 7 Apr 14, 2018
1

"In our possessive coupling
So much could not be expressed
So now I'm returning to myself
These things that you and I suppressed...

I know, no one's going to show me everything
We all come and go unknown
Each so deep and superficial
Between the forceps and the stone"

    • Joni Mitchell
1

I mean if you’re looking at tribalist early humans then no not necessarily, but I think it’s better for humanity if we all slow down and take one partner. Too many people seem to rush things nowadays. Just wait. Learn to be alone so you can appreciate the company of others. I’m only 21 but I can say that living a quiet life and finding solitude in my own thoughts has made me a bit more tolerable. I suck less everyday that I’m by myself.

I agree with everything you said. But I see a spectrum in people. For me I have always been pretty far on the monogamy side, but serial monogamy (as one of my exes called it) has been the case in my life.

1

Horses for courses, what works for one person might not work for another, if people didn't judge and allowed people to be themselves in consensual relationships, it would do no harm and make way for happiness, and of course why should it matter to anyone else how you conduct your private life if it harms no one else?

1

I don't think that anyone on this earth is "meant" for anything, as we are different people from one day to the next and we must be prepared to be true to ourself, OR, we will be miserable and also make someone else miserable, at times we MUST deal with the pain of being REAL !!!

1

Each to their own, I've never found anyone I wanted to marry and have been happy most of my life without that particular institution 😉

1

I don't believe in monogamy period, but I'm probably in the minority on this. Why do we always feel pressured to need someone in our lives?

1

To be very honest that's a good question I could not give a honest answer to has me thinking

1

A marriage is a legal contract between two people and contracts are broken all the time.
So it depends on the people that are married. They have a 50% chance of it working till death do they part.

ebdb Level 7 Apr 9, 2018
1

I wouldn't say meant, as that would be a personal choice to make, and both sides would have to agree. With that said, it is and not, in the sense that while some couples move on to other partners other couples do stay together until death parts them.

1

I think whichever suites BOTH people in the relationship. Different people have different ideas of what a marriage looks like and how long it should last. Things change, people change. If they change and grow apart I don't see any reason to force them to live out the rest of their lives together.

AmyLF Level 7 Apr 9, 2018
1

When I got married I thought I could do the monogamy thing. I felt a lot for my wife, and truly expected to be with her for life. I suppose there were nagging doubts but they were not strong.

Now, 17 years down the line, it's all fallen apart. I'm really not sure I can have another monogamous relationship for a long period of time. I can be monogamous for a while, but do I really want to? I don't know the answer yet.

1

I don't know

1

We have all seen it. Most of us have probably thought we had found it, maybe more than once. Unless your a housefly, a lifetime can be a really longtime.

1

I have no idea.

Gohan Level 7 Apr 8, 2018
1

Marriage is when a couple plans on having children. Otherwise should live together.

0

I have trouble with the "meant" part of the question. you mean are humans hard-wired for monogamy? probably to an extent, but with our supposed sentience, we tend to wander off, so to speak. marriage, of course, is just an arrangement. through most of history it was an economic one. if that is no longer an important reason for marriage, then marriage is redefined.

g

0

My wife and I have been married for nearly 20 years...have known each other for 20 years and although we're happy together, I was married before her. We have been, and will probably will be swingers again after the kids are a bit older and that is certainly fun (adds spice into the relationship), but as far as winning the heart...yeah, I think it's possible. She's had mine since the day we met and we are only more in love every day.

0

The simple answer is no. Just got through reading the book by Jared Diamond; Why Is Sex Fun. A very good read.

0

Serial monogamy is the way I see it.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:53276
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.