People change over time. You have to either find a way to make it work, or evolve, or if you cant, leave

I said divorce, but if it were me I wouldn't get married in the first place.

The "very critical" of your sexuality is concerning.
People do change. If the relationship has everything else going for it idk.
Having known some people in the 'scene' when younger it happens.
E.g. once at a fetish party a friend of mine threw a well known individual stopped by in full regalia, embarrassed to see a 'student' left hurredly. He was very devoted to his wife but had that one thing.
Depending on how much of a "need" or "want" it is vs 'is this bleeding into every other facet of relationship or intimacy' only you know how important that thing is to you.
The very critical of your sexuality is worrisome though.

I wouldn't want to take away something from a partner I loved/cared about that meant a lot to them. I might even, depending on depth & trust in the relationship, allow them to go outside for that need/want (and i'm not poly- at all).

/it's late, I'm tired, been baking for hours so apologies if my reply is rambling

I didn’t vote because I just don’t know. However I do believe that cheating, brothel, hookup is not the answer. Any form of cheating is wrong in my book. It’s imperative to me honest to yourself and your partner deserves the same.

All I can say is people worry over the damnedest things. You realize there is something kinky in your lexicon of sex stuff, I suggest that is your problem. If your partner no longer cares to engage in your problem, that is their decision. Your decision is to determine whether your kinky desires are more important than your marriage -- then act accordingly.

Nobody is cast in stone, growing/changing together ideally would bind people.
I'd bet your partner had been growing tired of your kinks for awhile, but you didn't notice...nothing like that "comes out of the blue".
Nobody's fault....your #1 job is to take care of yourself, as is everybody else's.

Not enough info for me to say.

Honesty from the beginning is the way to go

Sounds to me as if she has grown away from the kinky thing and you have not. In my experience , once people have grown away from something, they will not return to that state. My advice is divorce, clean cut and without recriminations. Start again.

Wow! You lasted five years? That's awesome! What's your secret?

Go to the root of the problem and work it out
Time evolves and you may need to change or up your game to keep it spicer
You need to innovative and keep it alive nd exciting.
If you have custard donut every day you get fed up too

As soon as they start giving you shit about something they used to willingly participate in, you can be sure they're telling other people about it. You can no longer trust them and they no longer care to have your trust. Time to go.

Think long and hard about what you agree on

I discovered the kinky community after a late-in-life divorce. I tried to be part of that community for several years. What you describe is so common that I'm close to saying if it's not inevitable then it's close. It happened to just about every relationship I knew about.

Any of the above maybe all of them? Just saying!

I had an ex who eventually couldn't hold the pretense together. She eventually admitted marrying me "to make her father happy".

I would say try to work it out, employ a counselor/therapist, if both are willing. If, after therapy, your partner feels no differently, and you cannot live happily without this "need", then you may have to work out an arrangement involving one of the other options above. Whatever choice you make, be open and honest about it.

I would attempt to work things out, seek the help of a profession and if that fails get the hell out of dodge.

How you treat one another outside of the bedroom , also has an impact on interest in sex . If one has gone from being a kind , affectionate , interested , well groomed person , to being an angry , insulting , disinterested slob , you're not going to invoke the same responses you used to .

Marriage is stupid. Lol.

In the sitation referrenced here, the woman had dated a man who became a mariage councelor, who had married, then divorced, and, she the woman in the story, said absolutly no to any sort of counseling. Even so, and your mileage may vary, the sucess rate for couseling is about 50% or less, based on several sources. Of the people I knew that opted for couneling the sucess rate was 0%.

If you base your relation on a lie, it's not such a stable base. On the other hand, if some one changes for whatever reason and he or she hides that and doesn't talk about it, I wonder how the communication within the relation has developed. There is seldom only one reason, but still only one reason can trigger a huge change. One grain of sand in your shoe can cause a blister on the long distance.

Ughh... this hits too close to home for me... except after way more than 5 yrs. It's hard. In my case, I don't think it was misrepresentation: honest people sometimes change, so I can't blame her. As others have said, what you have to do is decide whether you want to leave over it or not. Other than this one issue, all's well. I've got relatively young kids (this change happened during pregnancy) and I am staying... but it's hard, and bothers me a LOT... almost everyday. This one issue is, for those who value it, not small; it's huge.

The only thing constant is change. Just because somebody was into something once upon a time doesn't mean they still like it five years later. Hormones, kids, health issues all change peoples sexuality/libido No misrepresentation there just a fact of life.

Being critical of your partner's sexuality which you already knew about, as long as it is with adult consenting partners and injures noone else, is a no-no. That is the real problem. Mind you if the basis for thinking someone was the "love of your life" was wholely and solely shared kinks that is also a bit of a problem.

If communicaiton doesn't work bewteen the two partners, then reach out for some professional help to get to the bottom of why this happened.