I still find myself wanting to return to some of the old habits, especially when I am stressed or upset. The indoctrination does run deep, especially when it was your entire world for a large portion of your life. It's okay. It will fade with time.

It took you 4 years what it took me 20 years to achieve. Well done you.

Glad to have you with us! You are not alone!

I also carry the scars of a relentless Christian upbringing.
It's what gives me my angst.
I don't want another innocent child to suffer as I have.

Congratulations, you've crossed the line from Indoctrination, Religiosity, Cognitive Dissonance, Irrationality, Bare-Faced Lies, Emotional Extortion, etc, etc, into the New and Wonderful Universe of Truths, Logic, Reasoning, Free-thinking, etc, etc, and BEST of ALL becoming a truly Individual Person.
May you live many, many years in this new-found Universe, enjoy every second of it, grow and thrive in it, and never once look back to what you once were.

The most important realization is when you find that most of the speculative bull shit that a lot of people spend their time mulling over is a waste of precious time. Life is ephemeral. If it cannot be solved, move on to something that can be.

You might count yourself lucky. I think it took me a lot longer than that. The next step is to determine whether you're already in hell.

I never believed but I'm sure I would go to hell if there was such a place.

However long it’s taken, I’m glad you’re finally free of religion’s/mythology’s hold on you.

Man, I can relate. (Soapbox warning, ) Raised steeped in Pentacostal bullshit. I'm talking Children's Bible stories in place of traditional bedtime stories. ...royal rangers scouting instead of the "too secular" boyscouts, Ha! I am talking heavy-handed Hell and Armageddon stories in kindergarten Sunday school to purposely scare the shit out of us so we would "repent" of our sins, as if babies like that can have a fucking clue about sin.
It took about 3 to 4 years for me to throw off those shackles. I did it in stages, because when your whole identity is wrapped up in the indoctrination, you don't transform utterly overnight. You just don't.

Step 1) realize church leaders are hypocrits and therefore not valid authorities on "God's teachings.
Step 2) study/research the Bible enough to realize it is loaded with contradictions, fictions, false facts, and some plain awful ideas. (...mixed in with some decent common sense shared with other historical traditions).
Step 3) Realize my whole concept of God was based on those hypocrits' teachings and those discredited scriptures, and therefore, whatever god is, .....micromanaging cosmic wrathful patriarch? Detached Swiss watchmaker type deity that built it all back & then lets science principles run it all? Fractured personalities of a pantheon? Or mere metaphore for physics and chemistry? ....whatever, the paradigm I was taught can't be it, because its premises are demonstrably false.

The linchpin for me came at age 21-22.
Step 4. Realize the fearing punishment for honest disbelief is oxymoronic. There are only a few possibilities, and none supports any factual reason to fear punishment for honest disbelief. Either the power that runs the cosmos takes no notice of puny me....either because it lacks consciousness or is at least not a personalized god, OR said power of deity with conscious opinion is omnicient enough to monitor me, in which case I am a mere pawn and have no hope of actually fooling said deity about my piety/faith status, so there is no sense pretending. OR said deity DOES care about me personally and it is loving, omnicient, omnipotent, and everpresent. In that case, such a deity could never fly into a rage, because "he" would be impossible to suprise and disappoint. He also would have foreseen all of human history coming, all our flaws, mistakes, triggers, vulnerabilities, etc. The notion that such an infinitely loving and perfect deity set it all up to condemn the majority of many billions to eternal torment for the "sin" of being as he made us is absurd. It disproves itself. For me, that was and remains case closed. No more looking over my shoulder "just in case."

I hear you.

Many of us have been through the same at a certain point. You'll get over that and will feel the real freedom of life, and a point of no return.

Good for you! The scales have fallen from your eyes and reality has broken thru. Congratulations on your successful de-programming.

Remember, souls aren't real either so feel free to let that go too..

That is gteat! Your eyes are open now.. Do not let them shut again...

Sorry you had to unlearn what you had learned. What a mindfuck to have a false concept programmed into to you that now causes you years of mental pain of fear and anguish and guilt and prevents you from leading a happy life.
This is simply child abuse. I hope at some point those of you who suffered this indoctrination can band together and sue the church that inflicted this damage upon you.

Forget a soul or subconscious. The truth is it takes time for the indoctrination to become void and invalid.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, but also I am very happy that you are at a point that it is behind you. I was lucky that honestly growing up with parents who were not great examples, and did not reinforce any of the belief, and even going to a catholic HS, I never really think I bought into it. Again, glad its gone and you have a large community to surround yourself with better beliefs and a better way to look at things!

Well what about the people that live in Hell, well that is Hell Michigan anyway lol?

I can say that I had doubts about the entire mythical hoax from the time that I was 7 years old. I progressed at discovering the logical answer to difficult questions as magic and trickery remain an amusement in many works of fiction.

It is always an adventure of the mind to figure out how people fool themselves into believing in the disparage taught in any religious setting both to the good and evil sides of the human equation.

Do you believe in hell or heaven? Do you believe in a god or gods?

..you’ve reminded me to thank my parents ..again

good for you

The indoctrination of the followers of "the prophet" is much more difficult to overcome. Islam thoroughly enslaves, oppresses and betrays its adherents, using them up in pursuit if its own propagation.