I'll start.
For my safety, I prefer meeting for lunch at a quiet cafe or restaurant. Living in WA State, dinner means driving home in the dark, especially in winter. It's safer to have lunch in daylight (thinking about walking back my car).
Arriving early, I let the server know I'm meeting a strange man for lunch. I ask if staff can walk me to my car if things go south. Then I sit facing the door watching who walks in.
Usually I don't spot the man I'm meeting. "Kathleen!" I hear. Turning, I recognize no one. My "hot date" has suddenly aged 10 years, lost all of his hair and gained 50 pounds. Immediately I see him as a liar who posted old photos. Not again.
So, I feel surprised when a man looks like his photos. After lunch and conversation, I make a decision. I keep running shoes in my car. If things go well, I invite him to go for a walk along a public waterfront together. It's easy to talk while we're enjoying nature.
I prefer meeting for a simple walk in a pleasant, populated park. I figure if we can't be comfortable together without much distraction, or money spent, not likely to be a future ...
I find moving takes the pressure off , not being stuck in one place. I also like to subtlely observe physicality, and movement in someone, or if they notice small things in nature along the way.
Once this COVID nonsense is out of the way and I have enough spare cash, I'll come over and take you out for a lunch date. I'll even slim down and muscle up first - you can see I'm not slim in my photos. Working on though. What you see is who you get.
And whats more, I'll not try to stick my tongue down your throat or touch you inappropriately, I'll try to give good conversation and listen before heading off to explore your country a little bit more.
Curious, if he told you he was bald, fat and 10 years older, would you have still set up the date?
No. I am not attracted to folds of adipose tissue (fat).
I blanched when one man stepped out of his truck. He looked like the grandfather of the man in his photos. He saw my face and got defensive.
"I got you to meet me, didn't I?" he asked. He admitted the photos were of his son. I felt appalled. He had advertised himself as age 55, and admitted he was really 74. He looked older than 74.
"That's LYING," I replied. "It's marketing," he insisted. Since I drove to 90 miles to Stevens Pass to meet him, I let him buy me lunch.
@LiterateHiker Hey, IT IS NOT what is on the outside that makes the REAL person, it is what is ON the inside that counts.
As the old adage goes, " Never judge a book by its cover."
"You can whip me into shape," heavy guys say. What an offer.
If a man has not exercised regularly nor enjoyed a healthy diet for 40 years, he's not going to start now.
@LiterateHiker Ergo, and imo, you are still only 'judging' the book merely by its cover then.
He's a liar, liar, pants on fire!
I don't want to date someone 20 years older than me.
Exactly. Well said.
@LiterateHiker The other part of this, as I see it is, if you're not remotely attracted to someone - unless you're looking to collect platonic buddies - it's just not going to work. Like you, I see health and fitness as a conscience choice that says a whole lot about a person - way beyond appearance !
Exactly.
@VeronicaAnn funny, it didn’t seem to bother them.
What women need to understand is, if it wasn’t for women, men would simply gather around the Apple tree and eat fermented apples all day
Someplace quiet enough to hear the other person, speak without having to raise my voice to be heard. What you describe would be fine.
Depends upon whether it's a blind date or a date with someone I know and we're taking the relationship up a notch. If it's blind then there's really no choice but to have it somewhere public and and where you know you won't have to suffer each other's company for long. That generally leaves lunch or coffee. But if it's not a blind date, my number one one favourite is a picnic which I make and that normally includes lobster and champagne.
You had me at lobster.
I've had some wonderful first dates, but those days are gone. Let me try to imagine a great future date.
In the days of covid, we meet outside in warm weather. We negotiate a meeting place with a picnic table. We each bring our own lunch. We each recognize the other because we look like our photographs. We sit and talk and eat and talk some more. The conversation is lively, comfortable, interesting. I try not to let her catch me "checking her out".
And since this is a fantasy date, she thinks I'm attractive too. We challenge each other intellectually and with magnetic personality. We lose track of time. We might go for a walk. We enjoy each other's company.
And once again, since this is a fantasy date, we see each other again.
I was married for 20 years. I always considered our first date to be the four day backpacking trip we were on. I led a group of 8 backpackers on a trip to New Mexico. So we talked and got to know each other over those four days. No showers, no make up for her. I had terrible hat hair and we used the bathroom (both #1 and #2) behind some trees. We liked each other well enough after returning to Texas to have a more conventional first date, but the four days in the wilderness was the best.
With the man I eventually married, our first date was a backpacking trip to Lake Domke. Terry didn't realize the Lake Chelan ferry didn't start until Sunday. I arrived on Saturday morning. So, Terry scrambled and arranged a float plane to take us from south Lake Chelan to Domke Lake.
As the plane descended at our destination, Lake Domke looked like an emerald surrounded by mountains of evergreen. It was breathtaking. We spent the weekend fishing, swimming and having fun.
Here's me, 28, and Terry, 34, on a backpacking trip to Ingalls Lake before we were married.
@LiterateHiker
It’s not for everyone, but I sure enjoyed those backpacking trips.
My best first date involved coffee, conversation, and...children.
Thanksgiving day was the first chance we had to meet in person, having met online. Everything was closed, though, except for Denny's...and meeting up after family celebrations, we both had kids in tow.
No matter - it was just a quick coffee date after all - the kids could have dessert while we chatted.
But we got along so well! That "quick coffee date" ended up lasting two, maybe three hours. We kept buying the kids more desserts so that we could stay a bit longer.
We've been together ever since. This Thanksgiving will make nine years.
I work, I can't really do lunch. But, a coffee place on a weekend works well, talk can happen, there's no need to eat and have that interruption and there's no rush to have to leave so that the waitstaff can turn the table. There are a lot of parks around my area or there's the Katy Trail that runs along the river. But I have to feel safe to be able to do that, the parks are safer because there's more people. I don't get asked out anymore and I don't bother with the dating sites. I'm ok as I am. It would be nice but it's not a requirement. I walk my neighborhood pretty much daily but few around here even bother to do that, so I won't be meeting anyone that way. Maybe I need to walk the parks or Trail more often..