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19 29

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

  1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations.
    A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
  2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
  3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24.
    The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
  4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9.
    The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
  5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.
    Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
  6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
  7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
  8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
  9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
  10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia
(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

mischl 8 Jan 14
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19 comments

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1

Very similar to that episode of the West Wing which to me was one of the greatest moments on TV when he shut down an xtian Karen.

Actually found it haha

3

I suppose Orthodox Jews cherry pick their scriptures as much as Christians do.

Not only them.

1

Is it legal to own a Christian?

Only if they are bought from a neighboring nation.

@RussRAB Okay, so Canadians can own Christians from Florida, or anywhere else from the Deep South. Thanks.

@anglophone it's a damn good thing I'm not a Christian.

0

Loved that west wing episode

bobwjr Level 10 Jan 14, 2021

I never seen West Wing but I have the whole shebang on DVDs and after this I shall watch it when I have some free time.

2

I’m always impressed with the depth of knowledge in religious texts folks on this site display.

All this time I thought Leviticus played shortstop for the Yankees....

He got cut early in the season.

1

Ah, so that's why Sky Daddy never responds, the Chrustians have forgotten that Sky Daddy like his steaks burned to crisp and crunchy critters, not rare, medium, well done, etc, BUT a nice black, charcoal version that crunches as he chews it, stains his Omnipotent teeth as black as tar and absorbs the stink of his Almighty Farts as well.
Message received, Roger Wilco, Sky Daddy, next offering shall be burnt beyond recognition.....LOL.

Uh oh, Triphid. Are you starting to talk to the Sky Beings? I've trained myself to stop that and only talk to myself.

@mischl Nah, just being a decent bloke and saving the Chrustians the effort and time by pre-empting their unheeded prayers....LOL
Btw, I'd have used Ionospheric Skip radio transmission BUT the 'Skip conditions' are appalling at present and Sky Daddy, I guess, hasn't got a Ham Radio License as yet....LOL.

0

I find it astonishing that an adult in 2021 can equate the bible or leviticus with the word of god. Even if you were to believe in god, whatever that means, It was written by a sheep herder living circa 2000 years ago. So a guy wrote it, not some sky god fantasy. And the guy was stupendously ignorant of the world being essentially a flat earther or a Qanon moron, so shame on you Dr Laura Schlesinger. How ignorant can you be ?

"The FARCE is strong with this one, Varth Dader." LOL.

You'd be surprise at how many millions of people are that ignorant.

@mischl No, not surprised in the least.

1

So much for “tradition.” Just because something is ancient, doesn’t mean it’s wise.

0

Oh dear, it seems like anti-Semitism isn't so unreasonable after all, then. That's a disappointment.

I've always been an anti-zionist.

2

I hope Dr. Laura read all of the letter.

0
The West Wing’s version
5

I can understand the pressing desire to own a Canadian, we are so special and wonderful, not to mention how polite we are. 😀

I've never owned one. However, I rented one for about a hour, and it was a wonderful experience.

@Gwendolyn2018 Don't mess with the Canucks, we are polite and kind but we've burned your White House down before and we can do it again. 😀

@mischl You do realize the difference between a Northern gal and a Southern gal?

A Northern gal will fuck ya but a Southern gal will fuck y'all. 😉

@Gwendolyn2018 Be still my bleeding heart, I am shocked and outraged. LMAO

@Gwendolyn2018 since my comment was directed at mischi and not you, I will leave that between the two of you. btw, what is with all the different states in the USofA?
Canada is significantly larger and has 10 provinces and 3 territories, which is plenty, we could probably split Saskatchewan up between Alberta and Manitoba, who would care? Ditto for the Maritimes, narrow it down to just Nova Scotia and the Newfies, no need for New Brunswick and that shitty little island province of Prince Edward Island.
The US has all these bullshit states like Rhode Island, Maryland and New Hampshire, what's that all about? Does there have to be two Dakotas?
Canada is divided between the West, Central and the East, plus Quebec because they are basically a country within a country but the US has to dice everything up into East, West, South, North, North West, South West, North East, and whatever in hell crazy town that Florida is, plus Texas which might as well be it's own country. And of course the Mid-West as opposed to the Near-West and the Far-West (is that Hawaii)?

@Gwendolyn2018 And you are just jealous that we have so much diversity. That's so sweet, almost as if you thought that the USofA were the whole world. Exit, stage left. lol

@Gwendolyn2018 guess you just gotta play it better than that but I'm a Canadian so I don't always get American humour, I don't get the 3 stooges either. 😉

1

My guess is, if she ever tasted good pootang, she would soften her stance....

Reminds me of a senior citizen I met in Texas who had never had oysters on the half shell before and I said he should try them at the buffet. He didn't think that was a good idea because he had no idea what they would taste like, so I asked him if he remembered what it tasted like the first time he went down on a gal when he was in high school and his eyes lit up, about like that I said, sweet and salty and delicious.
He came back from the buffet with a sour look on his face, said that the oysters tasted like the pussy of an 80 year old woman with a bad smoking habit. Turns out he tried the smoked oysters instead of the oysters on the half shell. lol

1

Orthodox Jews are the worst kind! In fact, orthodox anything is the worst kind.

I think I might be an orthodox atheist.

0

I wonder what went thru her mind when she read this ,highly unlikely she responded back

0

Damn! What about John the Baptist and one of his good friends?

4

This was used in an episode of The West Wing by a fictional President Bartlett and his take down of a fictional right wing religious pundit.

3

Wow, did ya have to write another old testament to make that beeyotch STFU?

4

Leviticus has made nothing but hypocrites out of most xtions.

Thought she is a Jew?

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