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How long do you last waiting on someone?

I'm good for three days of nursing someone. Then it's "Get up."

Today is day three.

My dear friend Billie Jean, 83, had shoulder replacement surgery. I have been cooking three meals/day, hand-washing all of the dishes (her dishwasher is broken), waiting on her, helping her get dressed, doing laundry, etc.

Whatever happened to Billie's big pronouncement? "You don't have to cook anything, Kathleen. I made lots of food before my surgery." I think Billie is guarding her food for later, worried it will run out too soon.

Today I ran home to get food I had cooked for myself. For our lunch and dinner today. slaps forehead

Florence Nightingale, I'm not. Of course I'm happy to help her. But I'm beat. I want to go home.

Monday Update

"What's your plan for breakfast?" Billie asked as I walked into the kitchen. I was taken aback.

"I wake up slowly," I replied. "All I want is coffee now. I don't get hungry for at least an hour. Since you have diabetes, I know you need to eat right away." I poured myself a cup of coffee and walked out.

I got home at 10 a.m. I told Billie to text or call me if she needs help.

LiterateHiker 9 Feb 15
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10 comments

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1

I would never ask just one friend to handle nursing me through a recovery. That's a lot of work even at the most minimal. Friends can help in shifts in whatever way is least taxing for them. If I need constant care, put me in a facility.

Deb57 Level 8 Feb 26, 2021
1

It should not be only you for long periods of time. I understand wanting to help and realizing how hard the surgery is to recover from, but she also needs to start trying to do something for herself. I had part of my gut removed, was in the hospital for a forced five days, got my ride home and proceeded to do things myself. It wasn't easy, and I fatigued quickly, but I was going to do it, dammit!

2

I'm kind of surprised you haven't said something to her. Gently, of course. I don't know her life circumstances, but at 83 it may well take her longer to regain her initiative after major surgery. That doesn't mean you have to care for her the entire time. I'm trusting that she's at least saying thank you for all your help as things go along, but even if not, I think it's time to tell her you have to get back to your life, and maybe just check in with her by phone or text to be sure she's okay. Better that than to let it fester until your resentment comes out all in one burst and harms your relationship.

@Lauren

I just got home. I told Billie to call or text me if she needs help.

@LiterateHiker Good, I'm glad. That's a good arrangement.

3

I think if you care about your friend there should be no limit.

1

I think three days is enough time to spend taking care of her

3

Takers don't set limits , so givers must.

1

Thanks for doing that for your friend,Takes a beautiful soul to give so much ,I certainly hope you get your well deserved rest and she can take over for her self or get another friend to replace you,You have lived up to your own expectations ,Hope others do the same for you in the future if required

2

You are thoughtful

bobwjr Level 10 Feb 15, 2021
4

Given the pandemic and uncertainty of the times we live in, I understand her reticence to dip into her stash. But comes a time when she needs to take responsibility for her own well being. You're not a nurse. If she needs nursing care she will have to arrange that.

3

I think it really depends on how everything is going. I've had some friends that a day was all I could handle and my ex wife I babysat for a week with before I talked my son into taking over.

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