Just how self-absorbed do you have to be, as a clergyman, to find proof of the divine in this godawful story?

Here’s the short version: A priest from the Archdiocese of Boston, Kevin Staley-Joyce, is on call in the middle of the night to give last rites to a dying person.

When the call from the hospital comes, Staley-Joyce sleeps right through it. But wait! God is good! The drowsy padre wakes up all by himself about a minute later (it’s a miracle!), gets up for a drink of water, looks at his phone, sees the missed call, and speedily finds his way to the patient’s bedside.

How’s that for a happy ending?

Except for the dead body, of course.