I felt relief getting away from my first husband. A medical doctor, Tim was sexually and emotionally abusive. I found it ironic that the MD credo was "Do no harm." Our marriage lasted two years.

It took my father's death to wake me up. I was 24.

"I refuse to live another day in remorse and regret," I vowed on the plane going home after Dad's funeral. Left Tim immediately. Got counseling to heal from the pain of being physically hurt by the man I loved.

After the divorce, I remember walking on a Puget Sound beach. I picked up a shell. "It has a hole in it, just like my heart," I thought.

Condolences can be a hard time

I have been married 3 times, 20 years single between no 1 and no 2. My brother has been married 3 times, for 35 years and still going with no 3. Our sister has been married 3 times and is single now. Our father was married 3 times and our mother was married 3 times. Our family crest has a big no 3 on one half and a divorce lawyer on the other half. Divorce in our family could be painful, but we would get over it in time. Sometimes bad choices and sometimes life just got in the way.

Man . It was hard for me . I still have days that I think about it and can’t breathe . 14 yrs later , i am not mad or scared anymore , not at all , but I look back and I can’t believe I recovered this .
My divorce it was a surprise to me . Married for 12, no kids , pretty good money ways , we were living a pretty good life , or so I thought . No arguments , nothing major at least . My husband wasn’t bad to me , yeah he had some ocd issues but nothing crazy , and I loved him , I wasn’t perfect either , who cares !
We had just our house in Ghent ( an area in norfolk Virginia ), and got what should had be r last tour b4 he retires as a marine colonel . Moved to Miami , found a house , bough the house , I spend about two months to put it toghter , and I got a job at local ER .
And I thought I ll take a trip to Greece to see my father b4 I am the new employee again and no time off .
And stop to Italy too to see my sister .
When my husband took me to the airport , it was the last time I seen him .
We talked often the next 3 weeks , and I was in Chicago coming home from Greece when I called him to say I made it to US , and he told me to not come home .
Just like that .
I never even went back to Miami to get my car or my books or my music or clothes or art . My husband had a girlfriend that I knew nothing about for last 2 yrs . She moved in my new house , everything was planned beautifully . He filed for divorce in Florida , no false state I guess ? I never even got a lawyer . What the f for . Who cares . No kids and signed everything , divorce came out in 30 days .

I moved to Virginia that day from Chicago , w a suitcase , in shock , no home , no husband , not even my licences or other papers to get my job back .
He send that and my books and few other things in a month . I moved w a friend for 6 weeks , then got my first aprtm alone in usa . Terrified .

I never asked him y . It doesn’t matter . His family were supportive and kind . I got my old job back , kinda embarrasing to have to explain to people who just threw u a going away party few months ago .
Well . Fuck it . I did not die . Life and loss makes u humble . Alone time helps u grow .

I rebuilded my life from scratch . Few months later I returned to Greece to tell my father in person that I am single and I will stay in usa . He was upset . He wanted his baby to return home . He died that next morning and I find out at the airport in New York .

U know ? Where is home ? Is home where family is ? Where love partners are ? Where jobs / money are ?
I think home is wherever u feel that u are needed .

I was homeless in that prospective in usa . Besides my patients every night , not much else to feel home .
I made my apartment a place to hide and cry , but in two years my aprtn became the place for all young students of the building to come and eat Italian and Greek food . And coffee . Mr Marcello , my Italian greyhound came along . Life moved on , I have learned to deal w insurance , taxes , this and that , all the crap that a husband does when wife foreigner .

Looking back , I cried for the divorce less than I cried for my loninless in general . I forgived him long ago . It doesn’t matter . People should be free to love who ever they want . Papers can’t keep bodies or minds .

14 yrs next month , in my house w mr Marcello still here , Diego boy also safely rescued 6 yrs ago , work and an overall quiet life , I came to the sad conclusion that ex husband made me a huge favor , and his girlfriend is my favorite person in the world .
They are not tghtr anymore , but I met her as she returned to this area .
I am thankful for the 14 yrs I have spend alone , and I am thankful for the usa I seen these last 14 yrs . Something that I will have never seen been his wife .
I still have days that I feel anxious like “ oh I don’t know how to do that !, oh shit , I don’t know “, but then I tell my self , “ bitch , u are the same person that was left alone and did not know that u can’t claim rent for taxes . U are also the same person that can intubate anyone in 16 seconds , yeah , u can figure out who to call for fireplace service or how to get season opera tickets . I am sure u can

My first marriage ended in divorce after 6 years I realized 3 years in that I'd made a terrible mistake but kept trying and ended up pregnant again. We went to counseling which I initiated and the counselor eventually told me I was going to leave him but that I'd feel better about it if I tried another year. I drove home and started mentally packing and left within the week with my two kids. I never mourned I breathed a sigh of relief. My ex has been married four times. One lasted 3 months, one 8 months and another a year and a half. I have stamina and two beautiful children.

Reflection makes me realize I never really loved the man so there was nothing to mourn.

I have been thinking of something along similar lines. My first marriage ended in divorce and it was not a pleasant time. My 2nd, long term partnership (12 years) ended up badly (this was 1996 and I have not seen her since). At those times I thought it would be easier to handle a death than what was going on. Unfortunately, I got to test that and my wonderful partner of 16 years died. I was right, because with the break-up both the relationships and feelings were gone. With the death the person was gone but the strong feeling was still very much intact. There has to be a time of reflection between relationships.One failure should not lead to another. Take time to find yourself and do not jump into a relationship quickly. My little sister got out of a 35 year marriage, quickly found another and is now calling me asking for advice because he is not who she thought he was. One cannot form a lasting, loving partnership if one is still hanging onto the past.

I planned my divorce for years, and there was no mourning involved, since I was never in love in the first place, but I escaped to the place that gave me comfort, familiarity, history and was a good place to build a new life for myself. (Kauai)

Is there some place for you to go where you can honestly say "There's no place else in the world I'd rather be?" If so, that's where you should go!

During troubled times during my marriage when I couldn't escape very far, I'd drive to the coast, to the beach, even on cold gray days, to take comfort in the constant waves washing up over the rocks, in kind of a cleansing and predictable way. (In Washington State and Oregon.)

Contemplating the bigger picture of the tides ruled by the phases of the moon taught me to bide my time. The tide brings up both treasures and gnarly stuff and leaves them on the shore for a while, and then in due time waves wash up over it all and take them away again, so we just need to enjoy the pleasures how ever small while we have them, and endure the not so nice stuff until it clears.

So, I guess my answer is the beach. Some might say a garden, or the woods, or the mountains, which are also good choices. Somewhere that shows the past, present and promise of a new future.

I think the demise was so slow, that I was through mourning when I filed for divorce. I remember the exact moment I realized it was over, but I wasn't in a position to be self supporting. I stayed married and went back to school. I got a two year degree, I should have stayed to get the 4 year degree, but I was afraid I'd damage the kids and might well knock him off too. He didn't think anything was wrong when I quit arguing with him... I just didn't care to try to change his mind, I knew it wouldn't matter. Nothing he did in the remaining time together did anything to persuade me I might have been making a mistake.

Every morning for almost 20 years, I woke up with the feeling that love was dying, and kept it to myself for the sake of my children. I told a friend or 2...that's it. Later, when I finally asked for a divorce, I found out my husband had been gay and in the closet all those years. I put off mourning until I finally had all the answers. I went through some counseling; that helped. You are right; you do need to mourn, because it is a death, and you mourn in your own way, and in your own time. Later, when you have lived through it a bit, life seems new again.