I usually go because it was asked out of friendship. I'm making a leap here that no one is trying to indoctrinate you. Asking a person to help you celebrate a very important occasion with them is a gift. I feel strong enough in who I am as an individual to be able to bend.

Attending for a friendship's sake doesn't imply support for the propaganda. I go. I'd draw the line at snake handling kinda stuff, but I've never been asked so it's all good.

While I do not want my children indoctrinated and do not think that other children should be (they should be able to choose), it’s still the parents religious freedom to do so. If it was just a friend that I really didn’t have that close of a relationship to, I’d skip it and send well wishes. If it was my bestie, I would go because we support each other despite our beliefs and our friendship means more to us.

As someone else said, it's not about me, so I would go and have to swallow whatever feelings I had. I will say that I'm particularly averse to religious funerals though, because they're 10% about the poor sod in the coffin, and 90% about God and how we should all be grateful to him, even when the person laying in the coffin is someone young who's been deprived of the majority of their life. Secular funerals are, in my experience, much less sombre, much more celebratory, and 100% about the deceased.

If it is someone I’m not particularly close to I just respectfully decline, if I am close with them , I go.
Just as I like to have my beliefs respected and not constantly argued against, I do the same where others are concerned, while I may not agree with teaching children what I feel is false, I don’t feel it is my place to involve myself with other people’s kids, I wouldn’t appreciate it if someone were to do the same with mine.
I think for me it just comes down to respecting others and what they believe regardless of my beliefs.

I don't mind sharing experiences with others to be sociable or supportive. Just not a big deal unless you make it into one.

On the other hand I have my limitations. I'd be far more likely to indulge something at a liberal Christian church (e.g., Episcopal) than at, say, a fundamentalist one. I'd be far more likely to share an experience that's not presumptuous or disrespectful of outsiders, than one that is. I'd be unlikely to indulge someone who I think has ulterior motives (proselytization / recruitment).

I'm perfectly capable of saying "no" when I need to, or "yes" when my healthy and clearly stated personal boundaries are not violated.

The point about not wanting to be part of indoctrinating a child is a tricky one. Evangelicals, after all, use a similar argument about "not condoning sin" as to why they don't allow, e.g., gays to have equal rights. I don't think you're "condoning" or endorsing anything by attending a christening or baptism or something. It's not like your position is going to change their belief one way or the other. It's just a social event encrusted with religious ideation. It's going to happen with or without you.

All that said it's up to the individual how to navigate these waters and maintain their own integrity and good conscience. I admit that, since I don't live in the Bible Belt, this just isn't often a practical issue for me. The most I've gotten roped into is to attend a band concert at a Christian school that my grand-nephews go to.

I have a hard time with baptisms too.

Weddings and funeras are fine, but going to church for the sake of church is out for me.

On March 11th of this year I became a grandparent for the first time - my daughter, like me is a non-theist - however, her husband is Christian and wanted to have his baby girl baptized. While my daughter and I think that it's a silly practice - it's just water, a few meaningless words and so we went with it. I am not aware of a child being harmed by being baptized unless it's by someone that doesn't know what they are doing. In addition, these moments are typically captured through pictures and while I may have thought that it was silly - I wanted my grand baby to know that I was there because I don't know what the future holds - I could die tomorrow and I don't want someone else to create the narrative as to why I wasn't present that day. A day that wasn't about me but about the hopes of a well meaning but delusional father for his daughter. That being said, baptism isn't the gateway drug to religion - they're babies for Christ sake - they haven't a clue what's going on. I was baptized and it didn't prevent me from learning the truth. You're taking this too personal - just go with with - it's not an attack against you and so there's no reason for you not to be able to enjoy the moment.

Weddings and Christianing for close friends yes. Otherwise I would give a friendly and polite bow out

Not a problem... in a catholic cathedral I have a Blast with all the figures of saints and angels. I notice being under the shadow of a church don't make my skin burn. If I got to go to make happy someone I want to make happy... I go.

Mother died at 92, and until she died was a devout christian. She loved church, and singing, and seeing her friends. I did not share her religious beliefs, but loved the time seeing her happy and did not feel threatened by others beliefs. So....if I want to attend a religious ceremony, I do so for my own reasons.

Follow your conscience.
However, do you really think a baby will remember if you show up for the baptism? Do you think a tweener will remember or care if you're at their 1st communion? To me, the more mature approach would be to show up. If questioned, simply state something similar to "I like to keep an open mind about such things - that's how I became what I am today. Everyone should try it - don't you think?"

I don’t go to that kind of shit.

Think of it this way. The worst that could happen is you get in an argument about religion and then are never invited again. Kind of a win-win.

I'll go to ''memorial services'' and weddings but, like many of us here, I draw the line at actual ''worships." It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I'm a ''godless heathen'' so, I don't get many invitations to their rituals. I remind them that roofs have been known to collapse when atheists show up in churches. HAH!

I don't think about going to religious ceremonies. Although when l lived in Taos, NM l went to some Native American religious ceremonies. They were really cool.

My cousin had a catholic wedding, and apart from being long and terribly dull I didn't mind as it was their choice, totally agree on the kids though I went to a christening and the vicar talking about washing away the sin from a baby made me angry, how the F can you be accusing a tiny baby of doing wrong and then half drown the poor thing? Even at my wife's grandad's funeral the vicar went on about sins of the father and named all the great grand kids including my son, that annoyed me too, who the F do you think you are making assumptions about us, especially at a funeral??

When my brother-in-law died (massive heart attack), my sister had a priest speak at the service. I offered to give the eulogy (a modification of Robert Ingersoll's "A Eulogy to a Young Child), but was told no. The priest did not know David or the family and spent most of his time speaking about himself rather than my brother-in-law and the grief of family and friends. I felt that the entire exercise was a joke.

My sister died two months later of bone cancer. There was no religious person at the visitation. It was a much "happier" time and much more comfortable for me and the other guests.

The funeral, visitation and/or wake is a way of celebrating the life of the dead. I would rather see the human side of the experience than the religious any day.

Not an "asshole"

I haven't had to face this choice for quite a while. I think I would go as an observer/friend, and even bring a gift, though I would make sure that the gift had no religious significance. (I like to shop, so....) BUT if I were being asked to be a godparent, I'd have to draw the line at that. At that point, I would move from observer to participant, and I personally just could not do that.

Well, I was going to say that I would not go but after reading the comments I think I would go. It makes sense that if want freedom and acceptance for our beliefs then we should give others that same freedom. I don't think going makes us traitors to our beliefs but supporters of our friends and their right to choose. Thanks for asking. It changed my perspective!

I have a niggle in me about having been baptised into a church before I ever knew what was happening- especially as my parents are atheists and I wonder what prompted them to go for it they seemed to fall short of the godparent deal too so I had one godmother who didnt live that long after -I know this is mixed up but I wish they had let me choose for myself or that I could somehow get unbaptised.

The small amount of times I have actually attended a religious service, it was almost like one of my college philosophy classes.....boring as all fuck! Almost falling asleep at them. At least I like philosophy though.

On a side note, when I was at one of my grandmother's funerals years ago, I noticed one of the priests and got a really bad vibe off of him. He was the only one out of many.

It is my view that, in terms of importance, for most people, the ceremony is more important than the religion.

For that reason, I go.