After ending the call, I wrote this kiss-off letter. And people wonder why I gave up on online dating.
Dave,
Has anyone ever told you that you overtalk? You rambled so long about acupuncture for your back, I didn't dare ask how you hurt it. I didn't want to hear another long story about your back pain.
Then there was your extended complaint about how flying in an airplane isn't as fun as when you were a teenager. You sounded like a grumpy old fart.
"What age did you develop asthma?" I asked. "Age 40" would have sufficed. Instead you rambled on-and-on about coughing and tightness in your chest, discussions with doctors, how were finally diagnosed, and even your morning medication routine. "First I do this, then this..."
When I mentioned I'm having oral surgery next week, did I tell you the long history of that tooth? No. That would be boring.
Sexual Objectification
Also, you seem to have reduced me to my feet, breasts and butt. "I want to see your breasts, " you said. "You look like a B. I want to see that your breasts aren't hanging in your pockets." Before that, you wanted to see my feet. And my butt. Stop it.
This is sexual objectification: reducing women to an object for men's sexual pleasure. I can't stand it. The more you talk, the more disenchanted I became.
I'm not willing to put up with it. Good luck with your search.
Kathleen
Have you asked him to prove his balls are still tight, producing, smooth and not dangling lopsidedly around his knees?
As part of courting behaviour, us mammals objectify potential mates. We can't help it, it's just part of what we are.
However, us humans can avoid objectification of potential mates. I adore my girlfriend, we have only recently got together. She evidently can see past my physical decline and age difference. For me, she is an amazing looker and I have to metaphorically pinch myself to find myself holding her hand and getting to kiss her. On the objective side of things, I'm beginning to rebuild myself for her and my own vanity.
I've said to Kathleen that based in photos and interaction I would happily had been her toy-bloke!
With my advancing years I am no longer fighting to extend to spread of my genetic code, but interacting with the person away from sex.
I tell her she is beautiful and sexy now that I am comfortable say so, but I did not objectify her as part of online courting.
We are not simply tits, ass, pussy, cocks and balls. We are the result of a huge number of factors making us who we are.
Does it matter if he said "breasts", instead of boobs or titties? Does he get a point for being "kind of" polite?
It does not matter. He is still seeing me as a sexual object regardless of what he calls breasts.
I am sorry Kathleen. I don't know what to say about a man who thinks and speaks to women like that. I wish him bad luck on his search.
Thank you. I appreciate your support.
Kathleen, one thing you're good for for me is finding more to block. Albert whoever is gone for me.
@AlbertSchepis is gone for me, too. He wrote long reply complaining about this post.
I laughed pointing out the obvious:
"You don't have to read my posts. I skip posts that don't interest me."
Not to comment to or about this character, who apparently has no good characteristics, nor about Kathleens' appropriate response, but about having to be reminded constantly of such bad actors who happen to be my gender, and the pain and disgust women go through having to meet, confront and dread the possibility of meeting another one, and another which sounds like a daily occurrence. I sympathize, and I celebrate women's evermore creative and funny ways of telling them to fuck off, but I'm tired of it too. I don't need to keep hearing about it as I'm not one of them, I don't need constant examples of how not to be and there's nothing I can do about these guys either. That borders on boring me. Lastly I don't need yet another reason not to visit agnostic.com... I've already had many, nor do I need to be reminded how jerks like him ruined on-line meeting or dating in the first place. I hope I haven't gone on too long and that is all.
You don't have read my posts.
I skip posts that don't interest me.
@LiterateHiker I didn't know what the post was about until I read it, and I still don't see that it was even your post - I don't normally skip all of any persons' posts, but if that's what you're asking me to do I'll oblige. This actually goes to the gist of my comment though, that all men are judged too harshly and more swiftly due to these other encounters... I'm not this guy, but now you're making me feel like I can't even comment or have my own opinion. Consider this our last encounter, for an actual reason mind you.
This is like "The Perils of Pauline"...you should write a book...seriously.
I don’t understand how a person can be that rude and narcissistic. Are you you sure it wasn’t DJTrump behind the video monitor.
Your message back to him certainly makes you feel better but Mr Narcissist will confirm his belief that all women are the ‘c’-word.
Thanks for sharing. It opened my eyes to how vain members of my gender can be. For your sanity and safety, please stay off all dating sites.
Some, as I am sometimes prone to do, practice what I call hoof in mouth disease (TMI). I need to learn to back off and ask more questions from the other. Maybe a comment about excessive mansplaining (if that's what it is) might help. Some of us are trainable.
I will sometimes pause and ask if I talking too much or mansplaining. The right time to do it seems to be when I've only been hearing my own voice for a while
Oh the "Woe is me" self characterization. DUDE! I've been dealing with aches and pains since forever....getting old is just getting old. Get over getting old.
This getting old is getting old.
Especially when the ongoing rambling on continues unabated....Is there anything healthy about you? Please mention that for a change. Sell yourself.
Ultimately he's just telegraphing that he's old. And tired.
And......he's not really interested in sex. He's telling you that he's available for you to mop up after him....until death do you part !
HELLO MUMSIE!
Amazing! I overtalk and always have but I do not ramble as this guy does. As far as your breasts hanging in your pockets a mere look at your picture proves this is not true. Men who are like this guy seem to imagine that implanted breasts are a natural look when it is not so at all.
I am glad that I don't mess around with dating sites. It sounds like Russian roulette. I don't have time for games like that. There are too many honest people out here to meet. Besides, I don't like paying someone to meet up with assholes. I have much better things to do with my money.
Every time that stray thought goes through my head that maybe I could try it again you post something, and I realize I'm better off the way I am. So thank you for that community service.
Online dating has been experienced by me thru the experiences of others. I never engaged but learned from a distance as my encounters with men have for the most part have been negative ones. Is it me that is drawn to the men that are inappropriate, or is inappropriate men are interpreting signals that I don't realize I am eliciting? I am at a loss & I won't waste any time seeking that which can not be found. I have found that people can be one thing in public & another in the privacy of home. Naiveite yes, but that is a failure of parenting. Those that did not teach awareness & savvy in choosing a mate. That they were not modeled appropriately reduces blame. Some people should not spawn lest they add to the turmoil in the world. I have never had trouble attracting men. They are just never the ones I could trust.
I think many men, particularly those 40 or 50 plus, never got their heads around women demanding to be their equals. Those especially with religious raising. The man of the home, keeping their women in line, the turn around by their wifes, daughters, and even their mothers.......juat turned their whole world toppsey turvey.
A liberated woman, liberates the man !
The only person I can control and change is myself.
Intelligent, strong women reject sexist pigs.
Not to argue (as there's some truth to that) but yours' is yet another pre-emptive strike against any man looking to at least have a conversation with a woman. For around 30 years I've felt that all men are seen through these presumptive glasses and each time I meet, or try to meet a new woman I'm seen through them, and I have to carefully defend and prove I'm not this or that and I'm dodging land mines and am judged six ways to Sunday before I even open my mouth... knowing that no matter how far I get into a conversation or friendship that it could blow up at any time, forever, to the point of pretty much giving up. I have indeed found myself alone from age 45 to 68 afraid to get past "hello" because there's just nothing waiting for me after that except a long, drawn out subtle 3rd degree. Perpetuating the myth that all (or as Mr. Garban in the following comment imagines) that 90+% being an embellishing George Santos). Why? Does he have any proof of that or is he just saying that to side with womens' perceptions, to get on the right foot with them? Actually though he went on to say that women encourage disappointing encounters, which is what I said too.
@AlbertSchepis starting with a defeatest attitude is not helping....you can not be resposible for how other perceive you.
The bottom line on, on-line dating, is that, men are easy. Most men are so highly motivated to mate, and relate to women, that they will readily roll over and play dead, and turn any trick for any woman who asks. While women network well, so that information and introductions to any good available males, spreads fast. Therefore any man worth anything is quite quickly snapped up by any females, in the local social circle, long before they think about dating, or even less on-line dating.
If a man sits on the shelf so long that he feels the need to look on line, you may be sure that there is a good reason why the fifty plus single females in his large social circle rejected him. The proof of which is that dating sites generally get four times as many women as men on their lists. Sorry if that is sexist, but it is a reality.
Research shows there are over four times more men than women on online dating sites.
With divorced and widowed people ages 55 to 70, 75% of men want to remarry.
In contrast, only 35% of older woman want to remarry.
@LiterateHiker My stats may be wrong sorry, or perhaps it is different this side of the pond, but the basics are still true.
@LiterateHiker I don't study this nor have I visited a "dating" site in 10 or 15 years, but your conclusion sounds more accurate to me.
@AlbertSchepis I am sure Literates stats are quite correct. But in fact they are strong evidence, could not be stronger, that my main point is correct. Men are highly motivated to seek relationships with women, and that does probably mean that it is easy for women to pick out the really good ones quickly, so that only the rejects get as far as dating.
And that if a woman therefore wants a high value man, she would be much better to network among other females, than to go online dating.
Yuck. Anytime a prospective online dater would ask me about my measurements, weight or made comments about my body parts, I would send a short rejection note, something to the effect of, "If all you are interested in is my outward appearance, you are not the right guy for me."
As far as guys who go on and on with boring stories, I usually give a little grace about nervous chatter, but someone who can't tell that they are boring their target audience and can't tell when to stop talking probably isn't for me either.
Glad I'm not doing the online dating thing anymore. It's probably been 12 years or so by now. Still remember vividly some of the weirdos!
I don't know what your situation is Julie but if / when we were both on those sites back then and had met, I'd have considered myself very lucky - you sound insightful and very nice indeed. So polite, and you wouldn't have had to rebuff me I think.
"I want to see what color your balls are after being kicked along with the look on your face". Better reply as sexist pigs will never change. An alternate is, "Go find porn on the net and fuck off".
Good Suggestion, Simple solution ..... Just go get yourself off and enjoy the rest of your day !
@MizJ
I love your reply! Laughed out loud.
@LiterateHiker I know you think yourself incapable of properly telling someone off. Maybe one day someone will say something that makes you remember my coaching and you will look them in the eye and carefully enunciate the words, "Fuck off!". You will then slowly turn away and have to restrain yourself from breaking into dance moves.